The Bad Boys of Summer Anthology(36)
I frown because I know that the obvious irritation in his voice doesn’t stem from jealousy or not wanting to take care of Brenna—he adores that kid. I’m almost one hundred percent sure he’s frustrated with Courtney because of the way his own mother left him when he was a kid. His bitterness over those memories is one of the reasons why he’s always been such a huge part of Brenna’s life. “I’m glad I got to see her. I’ve missed her,” I say, staring in the direction of the hallway. I can hear music blasting from Brenna’s room, some bubblegum boy band. “I’m surprised you even let her listen to that while she’s here,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood, and he laughs.
“You’re all she’s talked about since she came here. She’s missed you.” He lifts his hands, dragging them through his blond hair. “Fuck, I miss you, Ky.”
“It’s only been eleven days,” I point out, my voice shaking.
“That wasn’t eleven days, not when I’ve spent them thinking you were gone, Kylie. That was fucking agony.”
I stand, clenching my hands together, as I pace in front of the big screen TV. “I didn’t plan to come here, McCrae. I was more than done with you because you lied to me, and then…” My chest tightens up, and I take a deep breath, staring at his bare feet, as he gets up and comes to me.
When he touches my shoulders, I shiver. “So, what changed?” He glides his hands up, so that he can tilt my chin, and I’m forced to meet him eye-to-eye.
“I checked my home voice mail, and message after message was from you. You said things that I’ve only imagined you saying.”
“And so you came here?”
I laugh, but it sounds more like a hysterical gasp. “No. I rearranged my apartment. I wrote a bunch of letters to Sinjin. I played my guitar. Finally, my mother called—”
He stops me from continuing, pressing his rough thumbs to my lips, as the rest of his fingers massage the sides of my face. “Thought you forgot how to play,” he says in a low voice. “At least, that’s what you said back in Albuquerque.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’d never forget.”
He releases a deep exhale, crushing me to his chest. “Everything that I said in those messages? I meant every goddamn word. For you and that kid in there…” He points in the direction of Brenna’s bedroom. “I’d do anything. I’d give up the music and the lifestyle if you asked me to.”
A bitter ache spreads across the center of my chest. “I would never ask you to do that. You know that, don’t you? I would never make you choose between me and what you love.”
“You are what I love, Ky.” Dropping his hands to my shoulders, he continues. “I don’t know what you want from this anymore, but I know what I need. You. And don’t try to bullshit me into thinking that you don’t need me, too. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.”
“It’s not that simple,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “I don’t believe that for a second.” His voice, eyes, and even his touch are slowly breaking my heart. “All I know is that you’re all I think about. I can’t not have you in my life because you and Brenna are the only two people who give a shit about me.”
“Still doesn’t make it simple, babe.” Dragging my palm across the center of my chest, I close my eyes. “I was stupid for thinking that I could just walk away from us and pretend like the last eight years had never happened. It’s impossible.”
He bends his head, so our lips are practically touching. “Then, we start over and fix things.”
“It won’t be easy, and it sure as hell won’t be quick,” I point out.
He shrugs. “Nothing worthwhile ever is.” As I take a second to digest what he just said, he inches his mouth a little closer. His piercing touches my bottom lip, sending a ripple of pleasure through me. “I fucking love you, Ky. That’s about all I need to know. We can work through all the other shit as long as we have that.”
Even though he’s said it before, both in the messages he left for me and on the night we argued in Phoenix, hearing him tell me that he loves me now takes my breath away. Somehow, I manage to force my voice to sound confident when I respond. “I love you, too.” So much that I’ll put myself out there one last time to see if one four-letter emotion is enough.
His muscular shoulders sag in relief as he drags me closer to him. He kisses me. It’s a simple yet powerful touch that lasts no longer than ten seconds. “I’m not perfect, Ky. I’ll never be because I’m fucked-up, but I don’t want to hurt you again.”
“I know you don’t,” I say. Ignoring the nervous fluttering in the pit of my stomach, I circle my arms around him tighter, losing myself in the way he holds me to him.
“Can I come out now?” Brenna shrieks from the back over the sound of boy band falsetto.
“Not listening to that you can’t,” he bellows, and she cuts the music abruptly.
“Happy, Dad?”
I can’t help but laugh as I wipe the backs of my hands over my cheeks to get rid of the tears that have started to fall.
“We’re good now,” Wyatt yells back.
Her bedroom door flies open, and she races down the hallway, jumping onto the couch. She ignores Wyatt’s pointed frown and eyes me suspiciously. “Is everything okay?”
I glance at Wyatt and then to her. “It’s going to be.”
“Are you staying for dinner?”
“If your dad is paying.”
We both focus our gazes—her blue eyes and my brown—on Wyatt until he nods his head. “But we order in tonight,” he says, and she suppresses a groan. “And no making Kylie play that fuc—”
“Dad!” she says sharply.
He groans. “Your video game.”
Much later in the evening, after Brenna falls asleep on the floor playing her video game, Wyatt goes to the back room. He returns a few minutes later, holding two guitars, and then he extends one out to me. At first, I start to decline since Brenna’s only a few feet away, but he places the Fender in my lap. Taking my hands in his, he wraps my fingertips around the neck of the custom black guitar.
He sits across the room from me on the loveseat, gripping his guitar, and a tiny smile builds on my lips when he strums the opening of “Send the Pain Below.” It’s one of those songs that I’ll never forget, that will always have a special meaning for me, but it seems so wrong when we’re supposed to be trying again.
Grabbing my pick off the side table, I start playing a new song. He pauses, and it takes him a moment to figure out the chords I’m struggling to strum through. Even though he doesn’t know it well because he’s never been an Incubus fan, he catches on quickly as we pick through the song about love surviving the bad things.
When we reach the last line of the song, I can’t help but sing along softly. “Without love, I won’t survive.”
His eyes never leave mine, and I think about our bad times and our good. I’m hopeful that, this time, things will work, so we can make new memories that won’t hurt so damn much.
Still, I savor every part of our past.
THE END
Look for Damaging Me: Savor Us Volume 2 (Sinjin’s Story) in Summer 2014 Available wherever eBooks are sold
Playlist
1. “Love Hurts” by Incubus
2. “Lonely Boy” by The Black Keys
3. “Future Starts Slow” by The Kills
4. “Say It Ain’t So” by Weezer
5. “The Red” by Chevelle
6. “All Lips Go Blue” by HIM
7. “Falling” by The Civil Wars
8. “Crazy on You” by Heart
9. “Love the Way You Lie” by Skylar Grey
10. “I Miss the Misery” by Halestorm
11. “Send the Pain Below” by Chevelle
12. “I Get It” by Chevelle
13. “Sweet Nothing” by Calvin Harris, Featuring Florence Welch
14. “Try” by P!nk
15. “By the Way” by Theory of a Deadman
16. “Fade into You” by Mazzy Star
17. “The Promise” by In This Moment
18. “Careless Whisper” by Seether
19. “One More Night” by Maroon 5
20. “Love-Hate-Sex-Pain” by Godsmack
21. “You” by The Pretty Reckless
22. “Never Let This Go” by Paramore
Acknowledgments
Thank you so much to my readers—to YOU—for being so amazing. Your enthusiasm and support for my books amaze me on a daily basis, and I feel so blessed to have you. Thank you for all the emails, reviews, and Facebook messages. You rock my world!
To Kelli Maine, Michelle Valentine, and Kristen Proby—You ladies constantly brighten my day, putting up with my randomness and making me laugh. I love you girls like a love song, and I can’t WAIT to rock Vegas with you all! :)
Christine Bezdenejnih Estevez, you are one amazing chick! Thank you for keeping me organized and for loving my books. BIG HUGS for everything you do (and it’s a lot)!
To Rebecca, my ass-kicking agent—Thank you for all your wisdom and support. You keep me sane!
To Jovana Shirley with Unforeseen Editing—You are so incredibly talented! Thank you for taking Savor You and marking it up with your red pen of greatness. I’m so grateful for all your insight and suggestions!