“I can do so much for you, Eliza. Just… don’t leave what we have behind. Stay. Please. Don’t go like this.” A sudden guilt took hold of me. Tears continued running down his cheeks, and I bit my bottom lip, wanting to hold back, but it was impossible. Seeing him cry made me cry. Seeing him crack and break was making me break.
“Gage, I can’t,” I whispered. “I can’t. I have to go back. I have to live my own life. I’ve told you this.”
“You can. You love me, right? You can build your life with me.” He cupped my face, bringing my lips to his. “You can, Eliza. Stay with me. I swear I’ll drop Penelope. If that’s what you’re worried about, I’ll call her right now and tell her we’re done. I’ll give it all up for you, Eliza. I’ll let her tell the whole damn world about Kris and me as long as I can keep you in my arms. I don’t give a fuck about her. I love you. Please…” he begged, tears gushing. I knew he was only saying this to keep me around. He didn’t mean it. He wasn’t going to let Penelope win that easily. “Please, don’t leave me. Don’t make me empty again. Don’t let me break.”
I swallowed a sob, dropping my bags. His eyes filled with relief at the sight of my bags on the ground, but I cupped his face, kissing him deeply, passionately. I don’t know how long I kissed him, but I tried so hard to let go. It was hard to let go. I wanted to be in his embrace for the rest of my life. I wanted him to kiss me like this every hour of every day, but I knew we couldn’t. Not yet. I had to go back. I had to go through with what I wanted. As much as it ripped me in half to think about—to go through—I had to.
“I love you, Gage, but I can’t stay.”
I stroked his cheek, but he shook his head, sobbing as his forehead fell onto my shoulder. He clutched me in his arms, refusing for me to leave. I tried to pull away, but each time he held on tighter, shaking his head. “Eliza… I’m begging you.”
“I—I can’t, Gage.”
“You can!” he shouted, finally releasing me. “You can! You don’t understand how much I need you around me. I need your smile, your grace… your love. I need everything about you in order to be happy. I won’t be happy if you leave, and you know this! You won’t be happy either, so just… stay with me. Please. Follow your heart, Eliza. You love me! Don’t let this go.”
I bit into my bottom lip, almost drawing blood. I shook my head. The longer I was to stand there crying with him, it was going to be harder and harder to go. “I have to go, Gage. I’m sorry. We’ll see each other again,” I assured him. “We’ll work something out.”
“Eliza, no! Fuck… no. Stop. I’m not letting you leave!” He stopped me from grabbing my bags. I stared into his hurt, angry eyes. Tears were still streaming and my vision became blurry again. Something loud came from behind him, almost like the slamming of a door, but I couldn’t look away. Deep voices yelled his name, but neither of us averted our gazes. He grabbed me again and I slowly pulled away.
“Gage, you have to let me go,” I whispered, shaking my head.
He didn’t say anything. He just kept tugging on my arm. He was about to wrap his arms around me and I would have allowed him had someone not pulled me back by the shoulders to get me out of his grasp. My eyes were stuck on Gage, who was being hauled back by Montana and Roy. I wasn’t sure who grabbed me at first, but by the hand that was rubbing circles on my back, I was certain it was Ben.
Gage was yelling my name fiercely, begging me not to leave. To stay. He yelled it repeatedly and I couldn’t force myself to look away from his pain. Montana kept pushing him back by his chest, stealing glances at me, and Roy was holding Gage’s arms, securing them behind his back so he wouldn’t swing. “Eliza, you can’t fucking leave like this!” Gage yelled again. I flinched and soon I was pushed onto leather and the car door shut in my face… but I could still see him. And it was like he could still see me, even through the tinted windows. He was still glaring at me, veins popping out on his neck as Montana and Roy used all their strength to push him toward the FireNine bus. Soon, Deed came limping out, his eyes wide with shock as he rushed to help Montana and Roy.
But there was no need for Deed to help because Gage gave out. He stopped yelling and the boys tried to hold him up, but he ended up buckling to his knees. I gasped, tears falling down my face. I was sobbing and I hadn’t even realized it. I was choking, desperate to get out of the car and comfort him, but I knew better. I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I had to go.
But as Gage called my name one last time, something cracked inside me. I grabbed the door handle of the car and pushed out, rushing in Gage’s direction. His head was still hanging down so he couldn’t see me coming, but I wasn’t stopping. I would clash into him if I had to. I would do whatever to let him know I loved him with all my heart. I was in love with him and distance would never change that.
I was almost there—just a few more steps—but before I could make it, one of the security guards grabbed me and I wailed as they rushed me back to the car. “Gage, I’m so sorry!” I yelled, fighting my hardest to get out of the guard’s arms. “I’m so sorry. I love you.”
He heard me, I knew, because he shook his head, keeping it down. The security guard stuffed me into the car, strapped my seatbelt around me, and then slammed the door before standing in front of it, making sure I wasn’t going to get out again. I saw camera lights flickering and I wasn’t sure where they were coming from. I turned and looked out the window past Gage. Cal was stepping out with a camera in hand, eyes wide as he stared at Gage on his knees. He then rushed back inside, pulling out his phone on the way. I didn’t know what he was doing, and I didn’t really care. I couldn’t even think straight. I was hurting.
Breaking.
Obliterating.
As soon as Ben tossed the bags into the trunk, slammed it closed, and hopped into the backseat, ordering Marco to drive, he pulled me against him and stroked my hair, cooing to me that everything was going to be all right. But I knew it wasn’t. I was hurting, breaking on the inside, but it was best not to look back.
As soon as I sorrowfully kissed Ben good-bye and boarded the jet, I stared out the window and completely broke down. Sob after sob. Tear after heavy tear. I was lucky to be on the jet alone because I had all the time to myself to let it all go. To release the pain, the hurt, and grief. It literally killed me inside. I broke Gage. I took his happiness with me. I created a hole within him, leaving him empty once again.
The times when I couldn’t stand him, I’d tell myself repeatedly it’s who he is. His ways—the sleeping around, flirting, partying, drinking, and hurting girls… It was all him because it was the only way he could forget—the only way he wouldn’t have to feel anything. The only way he wouldn’t remember his past and how much Kristina actually took away from him.
But a part of him changed somehow. It wasn’t a complete change, but it was enough, and the saddest, most heart-wrenching part about it was the changes were made for me. The changes were made so he could love me.
And since I was now on my way home—since I was leaving him behind, along with the relationship he wanted to continue and grow between us—I knew I’d destroyed him. I knew sooner or later his past doings, which I despised so much, would consume him all over again just so he wouldn’t have to feel the pain, the hurt, and the heartache. Simply so he could try and forget about someone else who was close to his heart.
And I hated the ache within me.
I hated that—because of my priorities, my life, and my decision—I’d be the one to blame for Gage Grendel’s shattered heart.
THANK YOU
I know I said before that this book was something completely new for me… well, not completely, but sort of. I guess the steaminess will always be with me. I love this book. I love Gage Grendel. I felt a connection with him and Eliza that I’ve never felt before. It’s hard to explain, but let’s just say I don’t want their story to end... like, ever. I adore this couple to the max. I’m purposely working slowly on book two so it won’t have to end. Eliza reminds me a lot of myself. A girl who puts her priorities first. A girl who feels wise enough to become responsible at a young age. I connected well with her and I think this is why she’s my favorite lead female character I’ve created thus far.
I want to give all my honor to God for giving me this amazing talent. I can only get better, and He’s proving this. He’s blessed me tremendously at such a young age.
Thanks so much to Stina Rubio for reading my stories and falling in love with Gage just as much as me. For talking to me literally every day and allowing me to keep my head up, even when I feel down. I loved your reaction to this book—to Gage. It gave me a small boost of confidence about the whole book. I love you, chick!
Thank you Kim Bias of Reviews by Tammy & Kim for pointing out the minor flaws in WHI, telling me how much I was going to get drilled for the ending and making me nervous, and even giving me good feedback. I will never take your help for granted. It means so much to my characters and me, believe it or not. Thank you.