The Bad Boys of Summer Anthology(282)

“He dragged me to my mom’s bedroom…” My voice broke as I squeezed my eyes tighter, but I couldn’t fight the tears or the memories. “He… tossed me on the bed… and my mom was just standing there, watching everything. He kept repeating how he needed the money, how important it was to him and how he was going to teach me a lesson. Mom just smirked and folded her arms, shaking her head at me. I hated her so much for not helping, even when I was crying out to her—even when I begged her to protect me. What she said hurt me more than anything, and to this day I always hear her say it. ‘I’m sorry, Liza, but you knew this was important. When we need money, it’s not a joke. Should’ve done what was asked of you.’”

I hadn’t realized I was sobbing, swiping at my face with my free hand. The memories burned me. They stirred my stomach and I felt like vomiting. My breathing turned into deep wheezing and Gage grabbed hold of either side of my face, making me look at him. “Eliza, breathe. Calm down and breathe, babe.”

I swallowed, nodding my head and hoping it would work. I couldn’t see him through the blur my tears created, but I knew his eyes were full of sorrow. His face had hardened, his jaw was ticking, but he nodded his head, telling me continuously to breathe for him. Surprisingly, as I watched his face, my panting decreased and my grip around his arm slacked. He noticed and smiled at me, leaning forward to kiss my tears away. “That’s my sweet Ellie,” he whispered, kissing my nose.

I smiled lightly, my eyes falling to stare at my lap. “It’s just hard to think about again. He hit me so much, even after that night. Another night, he yanked me from the bed to toss me against the wall. I cried to my mom again, but she turned her back to me and walked off. After that night, I never trusted her again. He whipped me… He left marks that wouldn’t heal for months. He left bruises from hitting me against the head, punching me in my stomach… shoving me against my back, making my nose bleed after I hit the ground.” I sniffled as more tears shed.

“The worst part…” I choked out, “was that she never bothered to help me unless she got something in return. Unless I stole from other people for her or unless I agreed to fight other girls my age in cage fights so she could make some extra cash. I guess that was a good thing, though. I learned how to fight for myself, even if I did end up with a black eye or busted lip. I started fighting against Jason when I was in high school, but he was always stronger. I would fight kids in the streets who talked about me or made fun of me. Most times I won… but that wasn’t me. I wanted a normal childhood and a normal life. I didn’t like how I was living for them, robbing for them, breaking bones and shedding blood for them.

“I was this shelled-in girl who didn’t know what to do with her life, where to go, or even how to handle certain situations. After I moved in with Ben, things got better for me, but I didn’t know how to act around him—or anybody—so I kept quiet. I didn’t say anything to anyone, and I kept my distance as best as I could.” I peered at Gage, who was already staring at me, his hazel eyes burning with sincerity. “I didn’t start being myself until I started hanging around you.”

He smiled widely at that, his teeth sparkling from the sun beaconing through the wide window. “Glad I could help, Eliza,” he whispered and then kissed me. He cupped the back of my neck and I moaned, falling into his embrace. He then pulled away, kissing my cheek a few times before sitting back and exhaling. “Wow… that was… a lot to take in. I’m sorry that happened to you. If you want, we can find him and I can beat his ass for you.”

I giggled, shaking my head. “No. That won’t be necessary. They’re both in my past now, and I’m never going back.”

“But what about Ben? During all that, where was he?”

I shrugged. “When I first moved in with Ben, he told me he finally figured out he was gay when I was a baby. He stopped sleeping with my mom, stopped coming home, and he spent most of his time with some man named Franco. I guess there was a day he finally had the courage to tell her, and when he did, she kicked him out and threatened that if he ever showed his face again, she would take him to court and demand child support. From what I know, Ben was already living on a tight budget. He’s told me plenty of times he would’ve taken me away, but he thought my mom was good. He never saw the abusive side in her. When I told him about how she watched Jason hit me, he was shocked. He didn’t think she’d let anyone hurt me since I was all she had.”

I sighed, shrugging again. “He was obviously wrong. I wanted to call Ben every time I felt hurt or alone, but I didn’t know where he was. Mom moved across town, I went to a new school, and she changed our numbers. I found out Ben didn’t live in the same place he told me about when I tried to visit him after school one day. Someone around there told me he’d gotten evicted. His phone was always off because he couldn’t pay the bill, so we ended up losing contact until he visited every high school in Suffolk just to find me. He tells me every day he would have done anything to help me, but he felt I was in better hands with my mom. He didn’t have anything going for himself. He was living off of friends. His choices back then were between food on the table or a roof over his head. He never had enough to have both. At least my mom had a job at one point. She paid bills. She fed me daily. Ben couldn’t do that. His didn’t get paid well enough.”

Gage nodded, grabbing my hand to wrap his fingers around mine. “That’s seriously fucked up of your mom.”

“Yeah, I know. She’s selfish. Always has been. I don’t know how he didn’t see it coming.”

Gage sighed, shaking his head. He was quiet for a few seconds, but then he looked at me, forcing a smile. “So the other thing I wanted to ask was about you leaving…” He paused, running a heavy hand through his hair. “Is there any way I can get you to stay? You know I’d do anything for you, right?”

I lowered my gaze, biting the corner of my bottom lip. “Gage… I can’t stay. School means too much to me. I have to build a life of my own. I was given a scholarship from University of Virginia. I have to keep working for my degree.”

“But I can help you. I can give you whatever you want if you just tell me.”

I shook my head. “I’m sure you’d do anything for me.” I cupped his face. “I know you would do anything for me, but this is something I wanna do for myself. I wanna build my own life, not have someone try and build it for me. Just like you and the band worked hard to get where you are, I wanna work hard to be successful. I wanna be able to look back and see that I actually accomplished my own dreams. There’ll always be time for us. Don’t worry.” I tried not to choke afterward. It was hurting me to say, especially as the rims of his eyes reddened and glistened, but after only a second, he nodded his head.

“The only thing I’m asking is for you to say good-bye to me the right way. I don’t want this between us to die. I love it too much. I love you too damn much. I didn’t think it was possible for me, but damn… It’s un-fucking-believable.” He smirked and I smiled sincerely as I pulled him in against me and held on. I wasn’t sure how I was going to say good-bye, but at least he wasn’t making it too hard for me. “Just think about it, Eliza. I know you’re scared I might hurt you and forget about you, but I promise I’m trying. I promise I won’t. I know I can give you the world and more if you want it. I’ll work hard to keep you happy.”

“I know,” I whispered over his shoulder, but there was no need to think about it.

I had to go.



During the ride back to the buses, we cuddled and talked about how he thought his performance was going to go on Saturday. He told me he had it in the bag and that the boys had been practicing so much they had no choice but to be amazing. I agreed. The boys practiced most mornings or early afternoons. It was hard to do without Deed, but they made do. Deed practiced on the bus, trying to regain his strength. He still sounded awesome.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I hopped out and Gage kissed me good-bye. He had an interview at a radio station in thirty minutes and couldn’t be late. Our fingers lingered on each other’s as he took slow steps away, his smile gentle and loving. Finally, he stole another kiss and then hopped into the car. I watched him leave and sighed.

I didn’t see Gage for the rest of the day. I knew he was with his band, so I took the time to paint. I painted Gage’s beautiful face, of course. I’d even created a new logo for FireNine and thought it was pretty cool.

Then the fresh, beautiful memories came back. Putting paint all over Gage’s glorious body. Watching the paint cover some of his tattoos. The way I giggled and he laughed as he tackled me just to put a dot of paint on the center of my forehead. I sighed because it was so vivid, so romantic… so surreal.



The next morning, I felt like I was going to hurl. It was Saturday, the day of the boys’ show. Thinking about it made me sick to my stomach. It made me so sick that I didn’t even attend the show. I knew I should have. I should have been there to support Gage, but my body refused for me to go. The entire day I was grabbing my stomach, a trash bin by my side. I hated how sick I felt, how lonely I felt. I thought I was overreacting… That is, until I finally vomited.