“Hey, Ellie,” he whispered.
“Hi,” I whispered back.
“You didn’t come to the show. Are you okay?”
I nodded, adjusting myself to get comfortable. “I just needed some time to myself.” My lips twisted and I looked away from him. “Is… Deed okay?”
“He’s fine.” He sighed. “Just upset… and hurt. Now that I know why he was acting like that, I feel like the shittiest friend on the planet.”
“Why?” I asked, sitting up against the headboard. “What happened?”
He shrugged and kicked off his shoes. “I would tell you, but it’s kind of personal for him.”
“I won’t tell anyone.”
“I know you won’t, Ellie, but I have to respect his privacy.” He smiled sweetly, his hand resting on my leg again. My lower lip pouted, but he leaned forward to kiss it. “It’s nothing personal between us,” he assured. “If he didn’t care about people knowing, I would tell you.”
I sighed because he was right and I wasn’t pushing it. I didn’t want my business buzzing around, either, so I sat up some more. Gage stared into my eyes briefly before leaning in again and pulling me against him. His arms circled around my waist and moved up my back, and I placed my chin on his shoulder, hugging him back. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I know he said some things that may have gotten to you, but he wants to apologize. He didn’t mean it.”
I swallowed, nodding my head. “It’s okay. Maybe you should spend the rest of your night with him. It’ll probably make him feel better.”
He pulled away from me, a smile gracing his lips. “He’s going to a strip club with Montana and a few others. Montana gave him a stack of money to cheer him up and, surprisingly, it worked.”
I cringed at the thought of Gage going to a strip club and staring at other girls’ tits and asses, but I slowly said, “Well, you should have joined them. I’m sure you wanted to anyway.”
He chuckled softly, his broad shoulders shaking. “I could have, but I wanted to check up on you.”
“Well, I’m okay,” I sighed. “Really, you should go. I can just paint a little more tonight and then read until I fall asleep again.”
Gage stared at me for a quick second before sighing and pulling away from me. Inwardly, I cringed as he stepped back to get out of the moonlight. He picked up his shoes and my gaze fell because although I said it, I really didn’t want him to go. I hated how much I worried over him. I hated how I was starting to care more than necessary. We were taking this further than a fling and I knew it, but I didn’t want to face it. Feelings were coming from somewhere and I couldn’t deny it.
I lay on my side, listening as he rustled around a bit. Finally he blew out a sigh and the bed sank behind me. Heat smothered my backside and he hooked his arm around my middle, pulling me back to cuddle against me. “I’ll just make you my stripper for tonight,” he whispered in my ear. A smile spread across my lips and a heavy load of butterflies thrashed around in my tummy, but I remained content. I couldn’t show too much emotion. We weren’t involving emotions… or feelings.
Gage kissed my neck and my head fell back, allowing him to do so. I was sort of glad he stuck around because, in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn’t going to paint or read after he left. I would have been up bothering myself about what he may have been doing or what stripper he may have possibly slept with.
His warm, plush lips moved up to my ear and he swirled his tongue around it, making the sweet heat between my legs clench. I gripped his hand that was on my stomach, smiling from ear to ear, knowing for the rest of the night I was going to have him to myself. I willingly turned in his arms and stared into his eyes. His were hard and his body tensed as he looked down at me, his smile transforming into an uneasy one. “Should I stop?” he asked.
“No.” I shook my head quickly. “I like it. Keep going.”
He smirked at my compliment and then kissed my neck again. With each one, I drowned more and more. At least I didn’t have to worry about him holding off on me because of my V-card. I was no longer pocketing it so it made the casual sex that much better.
With each position, I was nearly in heaven. After a few moans, groans, and heavy panting between thick sweat and cavernous kisses, Gage and I took separate showers, tossed on our clothes, and decided to go to the nearest restaurant for a bite to eat.
I settled on a cheeseburger with fries and Gage went with two grilled cheese sandwiches and chili-cheese fries. “That’s a lot of cheese.” I giggled as he picked up a fry and popped it into his mouth.
He smirked. “I love cheese. My mom always used to make me a grilled cheese after school—” He stopped talking abruptly, leaving his sentence incomplete, and my head tilted curiously. “After a while, my sister started making them and then… I had to start making them myself.”
“Oh,” I said softly. “How old were you when you started making them yourself?”
“Twelve.” He shrugged, keeping his eyes down.
I grew even more curious about Gage. He hardly talked about his family and I always wondered why. Even when we were younger, in Virginia, I never saw Gage with anyone outside of his band. No family, no other friends at all. Without much consideration, I asked him, “Who’s Chloe and Kristina?”
He snapped his gaze on me, his hazel eyes darkening. He then licked his lips and reached for his glass of soda. “My mom and sister.”
“Oh. Is your sister older or younger?”
“Older.”
My mouth clamped shut, confused about why he gave me one and two-word answers. I was being nosey, that’s for sure, but I was really trying to figure him out. After deciphering it in my head, I decided to go for it. Maybe I could exchange some info whenever he asked me about my family or my past life. I would do it just to get to know Gage a little bit more, even if it did hurt me to talk about. “What happened to them?” I asked.
He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple working hard just to get the invisible lump down. Lifting his hand, he ran his fingers through his hair and lost all eye contact. He looked everywhere but into my eyes. “We should go,” he said, dropping his napkin into his basket of fries.
“No… Gage.” I reached for his hand, but he pulled away slowly. “Gage?” Silence again. I hated that he wasn’t talking to me. I felt terrible and guilty for asking, especially as his eyes glistened. His eyes watered even more as I called his name again and he shook his head, pushing from the table. “Seriously, Eliza, come on.”
“Gage, I—I’m sorry,” I whispered, pushing out of my chair. He didn’t look at me. Instead, he stared out the window behind me. I stepped forward, bringing my hand up to get him to look at me. He was stubborn at first, his neck stiffening so he couldn’t see me, but I tried again until his eyes finally met mine. After I did it, I wished right away I hadn’t. The rims of his eyes were red and glistening. Seeing his hurt made my heart snag. “Gage…”
I cupped his face. He shut his eyes briefly, shaking his head. “It’s fine, Eliza,” he whispered as a single tear fell. “It’s fine. Come on… please.”
I swallowed, conceding and nodding my head. To comfort him, I wrapped my arm around his waist and smiled up at him. He forced a smile back, hooking his arms around my shoulders and pulling me into him. My heart broke in two for him. I shouldn’t have asked. I wasn’t supposed to be getting in his business anyway. That wasn’t me… but I wanted to know so badly. I knew it would take time for him to want to speak on it, so I let it go.
After a while, he warmed back up to me and we headed to the FireNine bus, cuddled on the sofa, and made out a little while a few movies played. I was sure he was still thinking about it because his eyes kept distancing. His gaze would lower and his jaw would tick, and instead of interrupting him or snapping him out of it, I’d watch him.
So many emotions were displayed on his face before he looked at me, and I forced a smile at him. Anger. Deception. Hurt. At one point he looked so feeble, so weak, that the guilt snuck up on me even more, causing my heart to crack for him. I’d obviously brought back horrid memories. Memories I was certain he didn’t want to relive.
Damn it, Eliza! So stupid, I cursed myself.
I was worried for Gage, but I bit my tongue as much as I could and snuggled against him, kissing his cheek and his lips tenderly and hoping it would make him forget about it and feel better. He smiled at me and eventually, with each passing hour, he calmed down more and more and hugged and kissed me back like he really meant it.
I really wanted to know what happened. I just hoped he would tell me willingly before it was time for me to go back to Virginia. After that night, I refused to bring it up again unless he wanted to speak on it.
BREATHE
The cities were going by so fast I didn’t even realize we were actually in Chicago. I figured it out as I heard the howling wind outside the window and remembered how many times Ben identified the newest state to me the previous afternoon. We’d been in the Windy City a little over twenty-four hours and I was just noticing. If it was becoming a blur for me, it had to be a blur to the band.