“Why don’t you just go for something?” Montana inquired.
I looked at him, frowning as he took a sip of his beer. “What do you mean?”
“If you don’t want to see him with her,”—he nearly cringed as he pointed at Penelope—“then why don’t you just take her spot?”
“I don’t wanna be his girlfriend.”
“You don’t have to be his girlfriend.” He laughed. “And besides, Penelope is not his girlfriend. She just believes she is because she’s known him for a while. She thinks after he’s done partying and living life like a star, he’ll finally settle down with her.” Montana laughed again, placing his beer down. “Not likely. Not Gage.”
“But even if that were true, she still allows him to do whatever he wants behind her back?”
“Sometimes he’ll tell her.” He smirked. I gaped. “She’s crazy, I know. It’s exactly what you’re thinking. She’s head over heels for Gage and I’m really not sure why he hasn’t gotten rid of her yet. I’m not sure why he still leads her on. He can’t stand that girl. None of us can.”
“And you really expect me to ‘go for something’ with him?” I shook my head and laughed, placing the rim of my bottle against my lips.
“I look at it this way: you both have two months together on this trip and the more you try to avoid each other, the worse it’ll be between you. He told me what happened this morning, and if we’re being frank, it was really fucked up on your behalf.”
I was about to protest, but he shook his head and his voice overpowered mine. “I’m pretty sure after the tour is over, you won’t be seeing much of Gage. You won’t have to worry about him because you’ll be… wherever you are and Gage’ll be too busy doing shit with the band. I say have at it. Have fun. Don’t let any feelings get involved if you don’t want to. I’m all up for having a friend with benefits—a hot friend at that. As long as she doesn’t expect me to change or want to go through with something more, we’re good. As long as she’s all about fun, I can get down with that. Gage is the same way. He just wants some fun.”
I pressed my lips together. “So you’re saying I should have a casual fling with Gage?”
He nodded. “Or casual sex. No feelings, of course. Your choice.” He smirked.
My cheeks sparked. That was going to be hard seeing how I was a virgin and all.
“Just a small fling,” Montana said, placing the palms of his hands on the concrete behind him. “You can’t lie and say you didn’t have fun with him last night.” I laughed as he raised a knowing eyebrow at me. “I saw it clearly and I was high as hell.”
“I did,” I admitted, “but we were drunk—”
“Doesn’t matter. Fun is fun.”
I looked from Montana to Gage, who was now sitting on the edge of the pool like us, his feet in the water. He was bobbing his head to the music and Penelope was still in the water between his legs. He seemed to be thinking about something else as she babbled on. Apparently the music was taking him away. He was staring right at Penelope, but he didn’t seem to be listening to a word she said.
He then swung his gaze up and I stilled as our eyes locked. It was magnetic, powerful. I tried to blink and dared myself to look down, but I was stuck. Gage’s face remained firm. His jaw ticked as he scanned me from head to toe and then looked at Montana who was only an inch away from me. He finally tore his gaze away, sighing and whispering something in Penelope’s ear. She nodded and she and I both watched Gage walk away from the party with a beer in his hand.
I looked at Montana who was staring up at the stars, his palms still planted on the concrete behind him. “What if I actually start to… like him?”
He shrugged. “Try not to. Look, if you never take the risks, you’ll never live. That’s how I go about my life. We only have one to live, so why not make the most we can out of it? I’m sure since Gage is so ‘hot’ and ‘charming,’”—he dramatically batted his eyelashes and I giggled—“then you might fall just a little, but you’re a strong girl. I think you’re smart enough to play it safe but still have some fun until it’s time for you to go.”
I nodded because he was right. Montana grunted as he pushed on his hands to stand. “I’m gonna get back with the people over there, but seriously,” he said, eyeing me, “think about it. I’ll catch you later, Miss Eliza.”
He stumbled off and I watched him meet a blonde in a yellow and grey bikini. He kissed her and she melted in his arms, and I refused to watch his fingers slide into the bottoms of her bikini so I stared at the water.
I felt a pair of heavy eyes on me and I looked up, directly at Penelope glaring at me. Her lips were pinched tight and her dark eyes looked me over, as if she were trying to point out my flaws. Perhaps she’d caught sight of the magazines as well. At the thought of it, I gave her a smug smile and she snobbishly turned to meet with a brunette nearby.
I stumbled onto my feet and my head swayed. I’d obviously had too many beers. Montana kept bringing them back-to-back, but I had to admit they were easing my mind of the night before with Gage. I looked over at Cal who was still talking to Deed and decided not to interrupt. He was most likely interviewing him… again.
I figured taking a walk around the park was best. I would take a short trip alone to actually think about what Montana told me. Perhaps he was right. Gage and I could be a casual thing. A quick fling. I wasn’t usually up for stuff like that, but it seemed like it would be fun with someone like Gage, especially after last night during the party.
Maybe it won’t be so bad, I thought. The only thing bad about it was losing my virginity, but I was tired of holding it, and as bad as it seemed, I sort of wanted Gage to take it. My virginity had almost been taken one time. Back when I was eleven… by a man my mom was dating. Good thing she actually rescued me from that one. Thinking of it made me cringe inside, though. I hated reliving my past. It sucked so much and it wasn’t easy to let most of it go.
The breeze picked up and I inhaled, allowing the air to fill my lungs. Happy thoughts, I told myself.
Breathe. Think happy thoughts. Breathe.
My eyes darted over to the trees and I spotted a bench… but it was occupied. With his elbows on his thighs and his gaze on the ground, Gage was sitting there looking nearly drained. He was hunched over, as if he’d drunk too much and was trying to sober himself up. “Gage?” I called cautiously.
At the sound of my voice, he looked up quickly, his eyes glazed over completely. Realizing it was only me, he scowled and looked down again. I stepped to his side and he tensed. He tensed even more as I sat beside him but not too closely. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“Fine,” he muttered. “Just go back to Cal… or Montana… or whatever.”
I couldn’t ignore the slur in his tone. It was obvious he was drunk. I wanted to walk a bit more but knew he wasn’t suited for walking, and if he were to pass out, I wouldn’t have been able to support his weight. I remained seated, taking a deep sigh through my nostrils. It was silent between us. Crickets chirped and a few fireflies glowed around us.
The sun had set even more and the moon was hovering right above us. I could still make out the pink, red, orange, and yellow beneath the midnight purple of the sky, and it humbled me a bit.
“What do you see in them anyway?” Gage asked, catching me completely off guard.
My head whipped to look at him quickly and he was bent over even more, his forehead pressed on his folded arms.
“They’re just friends.”
“Oh, like I’m just a friend?” he slurred, aiming to be sarcastic. Unfortunately it didn’t work to his advantage. His tone came off as harsh, insulting. “You really confuse me.”
Shit, I confused myself. He wasn’t the only one. “I’ve thought about it,” I whispered.
He gave me a side-glance. “About what?”
“The ‘more than friends’ thing?”
“And?”
I bit my bottom lip, hesitant to answer. Was I sure about it? No. I didn’t know how the hell I was only going to remain friends with Gage without feeling anything in return. It just wasn’t me. I wasn’t like the girls he slept with that could wake up the next morning and act like nothing ever happened. I was far from it. Plus, I was going to see him every day. What if something went wrong? What would happen if I wanted to continue our fun nights, but he got bored of them? Bored of me? I was an amateur at a lot of things, after all. It would make it that much easier for him to forget about me.
Before I could respond, Gage sat himself up and pulled me in by the waist. “I’m not forcing you to do anything with me, Eliza.”
“I know you’re not,” I said, my eyebrows stitching.
“So why are you so hesitant? It’s not like I’m asking you to… fall in love with me or anything.”
I pressed my lips because he was right. I was just afraid of it possibly sneaking up on me.
When I didn’t say anything, he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. The ink on his arms was bolder beneath the moonlight as his muscles locked. He swallowed noisily and I sighed, unsure of what to say to him. “How about we take a swim?”