I was quiet and still, watching him from what seemed to be a long way away. This man, my husband, meant a lot to me just a few minutes ago, but I couldn't make myself move or care.
"Nora? Are you okay?" He laughed a laugh without any mirth in it. "Besides this massive wound?"
I blinked at him.
"Nora?" He frowned. "Baby, are you okay?"
I just stared right back at him. I knew that I should be talking, reassuring him that I was just fine, but the truth was that I wasn't fine at all. My baby was dead inside of me. My little one was gone. I didn't need a doctor or nurse to tell me what I knew in my heart.
Dead.
"Nora, you're scaring me. Tell me that you're okay. We'll get an ambulance here right away. You'll be fine."
I closed my eyes and drifted away. Far away.
Hospital
Chris
I paced around the hallway, unable to sit in a chair in the hospital and watch Nora sleep anymore. The nurse had kicked me out of the room so that she and the doctor could take care of Nora and check on her.
The doctor came out of her room.
"Oh, Mr. King."
I zoomed towards Nora's OBGYN. "What's going on? Is the baby okay?"
She shook her head. "I regret to inform you that your child is dead."
I felt like someone sucker punched me in the gut.
"The baby is dead?"
"Yes." She touched my shoulder. "I know it's hard. Loss of a child is never easy."
"Can I go in?"
She nodded. "Nora's physically fine. She's healing nicely, and I think that we'll be able to discharge her in another day. But emotionally, losing a child is a wound that takes a lot longer to heal than a knife wound."
I swallowed past the lump in my throat.
"Understood."
I walked into Nora's room, and I knew that she was awake.
She was staring at the ceiling, still not talking. She hadn't spoken since we found her.
"Hey, Nora." I took her hand. She didn't pull away or squeeze it. She just kept staring straight up, as if I never came into the room at all.
* * *
A day passed, and Nora was still unresponsive. Physically, she was good enough that the doctor discharged her. I took her home, and she still said nothing. I got more and more worried as time went on.
She didn't want to eat much, and it was all I could do to get her to eat one meal a day.
She spent all of her time curled up in a ball in bed. Her skin was ashy, and she was lifeless in a way that made me worry.
I tried to get Laila to come in, but Nora had showed her only sign of life when she insisted that she didn't want to see Laila. She pointed out how tactless I was to make her see someone who was happily pregnant.
I hadn't tried to get Laila to visit since then.
* * *
It had been two weeks since she lost the baby. I went to her bedroom, but she was already in the bathroom. I waited for to get out, and I was surprised to see that she had dressed herself for the first time since she lost the baby. She looked like she was ready for the day, ready to face everything.
"You good?"
Breakthrough
Chris
I saw a tear make its way down Nora's cheek.
"Nora. Talk to me."
"I feel like I failed my baby in the most fundamental way possible." The whisper was so quiet that I could barely hear it, and the quiet sob that came after broke my heart.
I took her into my arms and kissed her cheek. "It's not your fault."
"It is." She sobbed in earnest now, burying her face in my shoulder. While I wasn't happy that she was crying, I was glad that she was finally talking.
Her body was shaking with the force of her sobs.
"A mother's first duty is to protect her baby, and I couldn't." She was a little muffled, but I could still hear her.
"You weren't to blame. All of this is Jordana's fault. She's going to jail for life since she killed the baby."
"I couldn't save the baby. My baby is dead." I felt grief come over me like a wave. I knew that she was drowning, and I stood up with her in my arms.
"I know where we need to go."
"Go? Where?"
"You'll see." I looked at what Nora was wearing. She was wearing a thin nightgown that looked like a very casual dress. "We're going to the mall."
"The mall? Why? So we can return all the baby stuff?" Nora's arms wrapped around herself. "I don't want to."
"No, we're not returning stuff. We're taking my bike."
Nora smiled. It was a small smile, one that barely picked up the edges of her mouth, but I saw just a glimpse of Nora's normal self.
"I'll enjoy that."
I went to the bike helmets that I stashed near the door and tossed one to her.
"Let's go."
I was out the door, and I heard Nora come behind me. She locked the door, and I knew that we were going to be okay.
She got on the back of my bike, and her arms wrapped around my middle. Our grief had been difficult to work through, but I knew that with Nora by my side, I could face anything. Without her, it was a toss-up.
My bike roared to life, and I got on the road. There was nothing like the feeling of the world flying by you. You can't replicate the feeling of being on a motorcycle by opening your car window or riding in a convertible.
I felt alive and free, and I hoped that Nora felt a little bit of that, too.
We got to the mall, and I parked in motorcycle parking.
I kept my arm around her small shoulders as we walked around inside. Walking around the mall wasn't much, but it let me know that Nora was taking her first steps towards recovery.
All she wanted to do was walk around and look at stuff. I'd hated going to the mall with my girlfriends before now, but my wife was another matter. Damn, I'd take her to the mall every day if it meant that she'd leave her room.
After a half hour, Nora walked up to me and burrowed her face into my shoulder.
"I want to go home."
I kissed her temple. "We'll go home, baby."
We went on my bike, and I was glad that she'd made an effort today. I wasn't a patient man, but I knew that her post-miscarriage depression wasn't a physical problem that I could fight. If any man threatened her, he'd regret it within seconds. But her depression was harder to handle, because it was inside of her. She was both the disease and the cure, and all I could do was wait for her to be ready.
When I was parking my bike, my phone buzzed.
"Babe, what do you want to do this afternoon?"
"I'm going to hang out on the balcony for a little - get a little sun."
"We can go to the beach."
"Another day." I got the impression that Nora was exhausted from going to the mall and pulling herself together.
I followed her upstairs, noticing the smooth swing of her ass in front of me. Damn, my wife was fine. I made a mental note to get her on her back soon. It'd been a while for us.
I remembered that my phone had buzzed. She went and sat on the balcony, and I read the text.
I felt like all the blood had drained from my face. There was ice in my veins as I read a short text that meant the end of everything.
Part IV
Business Problems
Axed
Nora
When I got into the bedroom, Chris was flat on his back, staring sightlessly at the ceiling.
"Hello."
"Hi."
I sat at the edge of the bed.
"What's going on? Is something wrong?"
He rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Something's gone wrong."
"Yeah?"
"My co-founder Brayden quit today."
I touched his shoulder gently. "What does that mean?"
"I think my startup is done."
"Oh, no."
"That's an understatement."
"But you've worked so hard on it."
"I have. The market doesn't care about hard work. It cares about what you can sell. I've been AWOL while you've been sick. Without a technical co-founder, I'm dead in the water."
"Can't you code?"
"Barely. I know some Python and Java."
"What are you going to do?"
He rolled over so that he was facedown on the bed.
"Not sure," he said, his reply muffled by the pillow.
I looked at the tattoo peeking out from beneath his clothes. He seemed a mile away from the man I'd married in Vegas, someone in the moment, someone who took charge. I appreciated the moment, that Chris was showing his vulnerable side to me. He'd been there for me, and I could hardly do less for him.
I curled up next to him and hugged him with one arm. All I had were more questions, but he'd probably asked himself the same things over and over again.
It was the intimate moment we'd had. I saw the person inside of Chris' devil-may-care attitude.
"This matters to you, doesn't it?"
I stroked his back softly, rubbing in slow circles.
"Yes." He blew out a long breath. "I wanted to prove my dad that I'm not a fuck up. It turns out that I am."
"He doesn't think you're a fuck up."
"I normally think with my fists. Do you know how many times that he's had to send a lawyer to get me out of jail?"