“What do you mean?” Vicki asked.
“Kate was happy. She was in pain, but there was real happiness on her face. Nothing I did would ever match that. I’m a Dominant, Vicki. I’m not a sadist or a masochist. What Kate wanted she needed a real professional for, which wasn’t me. I found her someone to take care of her needs.”
“You mean to tell me Kate is with someone right now?”
Tristan nodded. Last time he heard was about a year ago. Kate was in a tight relationship with the man he’d left her with. They were very much in love, but the guy didn’t need Kate’s hand. Their devotion to each other was in a collar and the trust between them. Tristan understood it.
“What I didn’t know when I first met Kate was the fact she’d been very heavily in the lifestyle. She wasn’t green or anything. Several of her previous relationships were the same. From what I could figure out, Kate had been like that since she’d lost her virginity at eighteen. She told me she loved the pain and couldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried.”
He let his words penetrate her mind. “So that’s it. That’s my story,” he said. Now he needed to wait to see what Vicki did next.
****
Vicki didn’t have a clue what to do or how to respond to his confession. He stared at her waiting. Their coffee was cold. She couldn’t bring herself to drink a single drop until he finished his story. Biting her lip she stared at the length of her living room.
“You don’t love your wife?” she asked.
“No. I care about her as a friend. There is nothing else going on between us.”
She didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. He was alone, and from the sounds of his past he’d done some things he wasn’t proud of.
“I don’t know what to say,” she said.
“Then don’t say anything. Just promise me something.”
Turning to look at him, she saw the sincerity in his eyes, which made everything feel worse. For all of his tattoos and bad attitude, Tristan wasn’t a bad man. She’d learned that about him early on in their relationship. He didn’t like hurting people. “What?”
“Don’t leave Law Castle without consulting me. Please, I don’t want you running out because of me.” He rubbed his eyes when she kept her mouth shut. “I know I don’t deserve your time. I’ve done everything to push you away.”
“Then why are you here now?”
“Because I can’t bear the thought of having another day without you inside it. Tomorrow is Monday. Stefan lets you have Monday off, right?”
She nodded. Stefan liked her working Wednesday through to Sunday. Monday and Tuesday were her days to do what she wanted.
“Would you have lunch with me tomorrow?” he asked. “Will you come by the station? And we’ll have lunch and talk.”
“Why?” she asked. Tristan had spent a great deal of time trying to push her away. She couldn’t understand why he’d changed.
“I need you to be with me. I have to make this right.”
“Tristan, you don’t have to make anything right. It didn’t work between us.”
“You know damn well that wasn’t true. Until I opened my fucking mouth we were going great.” He stopped, reaching out to stroke her arm. “You were going to have my baby, Vicki.”
Whenever she thought about the baby tears filled her eyes. This was no different. She and Tristan had a rocky past. Nothing she ever did would escape that. Their past was part of who they were. “I’ll have lunch with you.”
“Good. You don’t have to make it. I’ll order something in.”
She nodded, glancing at the clock.
“I’ve got to go,” Tristan said.
Vicki watched as Tristan changed. “Did you expect to stay here the night?” she asked.
He nodded. “I thought we were going to fight, and I wanted to be prepared. You need privacy now. I accept that.” He quickly dressed and put his shoes on.
She walked to the door with him. He turned and cupped her cheek. “I really am sorry for the baby.”
“So am I.”
“No, you don’t understand. I always wanted to be a dad. I’ve wanted it for as long as I could remember.”
“Then why didn’t you have a child with Kate?”
“Kate didn’t want one. She got her tubes tied to make sure we’d never mistakenly get caught.” His smile was sad. “I have to wonder why we ever married.”
“You must have loved her at some point.”
“I loved the idea of being with someone with similar feelings. Kate and I were as different as chalk and cheese. There was nothing holding us together apart from our own fantasy.” Tristan stroked her cheek. “If only I’d met you first.”