“Not this time, maybe.” He blinked into her eyes, and the sadness she saw there drove the breath from her lungs. “But there will come a time when you will, and I can’t bear that.”
“I will never blame you. You’re the best man I know.” Holly couldn’t hold back any longer, she had to admit what had been growing since the moment Luke Saxon returned to Butterfly Harbor. The one thing he needed to know. “I love you.” Saying the words were like a huge weight lifted from her shoulders. “Luke...”
The look of horror he gave her was like a bucket of ice water in her face. “You can’t, Holly.” He gripped her wrists and squeezed hard, as if willing her to accept what he was saying. “I’m not worth it. Just...please, let me go.”
He walked away, leaving Holly feeling more alone than she ever had before.
* * *
LUKE WAS STARTING down the porch stairs when Jake pulled his car into the drive later that afternoon, tires grinding over gravel.
Cash gave a weak bark, tail wagging as Luke headed toward Holly’s father. “Any word on Kyle?” Jake asked as he climbed out of the car.
“Nothing. I’m heading back out in a few minutes. Stopped by to get cleaned up. Simon doing okay?”
“Simon’s fine. Holly’s already got him home and into bed. I dropped our campers off home. They were worried about Simon, but disappointed the trip had to end. I promised we’d make it up to them in a couple of weeks, after the youth center is up and running.”
Luke nodded. He knew Jake would take care of things.
“How are you doing?” Jake leaned against the hood of his car and stared him down. “I heard about what happened at the hospital between you and Holly. You’re a lot of things, Luke Saxon, but I never pegged you as a coward.”
The accusation struck harder than any punch Luke’s father had ever landed, but he dodged it with remembered ease. “Funny. That’s the first thing Holly called me when I got into town.”
“Blaming yourself for what happened to Simon is stupid, Luke. The kid’s young, eager and most important knew better than to leave camp—Kyle or no Kyle.”
“That boy was my responsibility.” Luke clenched his fists as he reeled between past failures. “I should have been paying closer attention. Holly told me to, but no. I had to go and trust he knew what he was doing. That he’d be okay without me standing right there, protecting him—”
“Simon is not Carter Owen.”
Luke couldn’t believe his ears.
“What happened in Chicago wasn’t your fault.” The frustration and anger in Jake’s voice evaporated as the sympathy Luke loathed erupted in his mentor’s eyes. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for Carter’s death. It was an accident, Luke. A horrific, unfortunate accident.”
Luke frowned. “What do you know about it? You weren’t there.” His throat ached, his entire body flashed between hot and cold as he struggled to keep the memories at bay. But all he could hear was that explosion; all he could feel was the fire blasting over his head and around his body. And the smell... His stomach rolled. “You didn’t see the look on his face, that smile, as if he could control that bomb I knew he had no business being around—” He felt himself choking on the grief, bitter and unforgiving. “You weren’t there.”
“And you still are! Your superior officer ordered him into that house.” Jake arched a brow. “I read that report, Luke. You protested. Vociferously. You even defied a direct order and put yourself in that space with him and the other trainees. You were the one who shouldn’t have been there, but you did what you knew was right. Because that’s who you are. It’s who you’ve always been. And look what it cost you. You could have died.”
“How—?” Luke blinked, trying to shake the truth free. “The reports were sealed.” To protect the guilty. To protect those at the senior level and the entire program. “How do you know this?”
“Because believe it or not, even a small-town sheriff has some friends in high places.” Jake glared at him. “Do you really think I’d have brought you back here if I thought for one moment you were responsible for that boy’s death? That I’d want someone dangerous in my town whom I didn’t trust or believe in? Around Holly or Simon? You let yourself take the fall because you felt responsible. Noble. But misguided.”
“I was responsible!” Luke tried to step aside, but Jake wasn’t having it. He followed. “Carter’s training was on me. So what if he shouldn’t have been in that situation? Yes, it was too soon but—” But. Luke’s head began to clear. But Captain Traynor had insisted his team was ready to take on new challenges. He’d overridden Luke’s protests by praising Luke’s training abilities to make his men able to handle any situation.