‘All right.’ I take off her shoes and put them on the floor. Then I pull the duvet over her and lie on top of it beside her.
‘I’m here,’ I say. She snuggles up to me. Her body is hot. For a while I lie on my back, frozen and stiff, staring at the ceiling and not knowing what to do next, but then it feels right to offer her comfort. So I turn towards her, and lying on my side, gently stroke her hair.
‘Go to sleep, Britney,’ I say softly.
Eventually her breathing becomes even and deep. Very gently I prise her claw like grip on my bathrobe and slowly edge out of her bed. I stand over her and experience shame and guilt.
Lord, what a judgmental bitch I’ve been.
I never gave the poor girl a chance. I took one look at her designer clothes and things and her obsession with her physical appearance, and just judged. It never even crossed my mind that it might be a symptom of a deeper suffering.
My attitude this entire time has been condescending, tolerating her with the kind of politeness that barely concealed my impatience, but all this time she has looked at me as if I’m someone she can trust and call a friend. Her complete innocence touches me and I suddenly feel strong sense of protectiveness. She becomes the little sister I never had and always wanted when I was a little girl.
Looking down at her softly breathing figure I vow to find a way to help her. There must be something I can do. I tell myself that before I leave this house I will get to the bottom of her pain.
Bending down I whisper in her ear, ‘Sleep little Brit.’
She mumbles in her sleep.
Tiptoeing out, I close the door softly and go to my room. I enter my bathroom and switch on the light. In the harsh light I examine myself in the mirror and suddenly I feel quite detached from everything that has happened. As if it all happened to someone else. As if Cash eating me out and the time with Britney in the car didn’t happen to me. I cover my eyes with my hands.
‘Wow! What a night it’s been.’
I think of myself pressed up against the wall, one leg thrown over Cash’s shoulder while he ate me like a starving man and how the whole world had fallen away then. Even now thinking about it makes my sex throb. I look up at myself in the mirror again. At my pink cheeks, my wild eyes, and feel a shaft of fear. This is not at all going according to plan.
‘Maybe it’ll be all right,’ I try to reassure myself. ‘Maybe this is the way it is meant to be.’
Avoiding my eyes I remove my make-up, brush my teeth, and use the toilet. My hair has died into a rat’s nest, so I brush the tangles out and braid it into one long plait down my back. Back in my room I slip on a pair of panties, pull a super-large T-shirt over my head, and sit on my bed. I open my drawer and take out Monstrosity and begin to write in it.
Dear Monstrosity,
Despite my best efforts, sadly, I have lost another battle. A big one. It is now one in the morning so I won’t go into the disgraceful and humiliating details of my defeat at his hands right now, but in the interest of truthfulness, three painful observations must be made:
It was an easy victory for the unscrupulous one, and …
The enemy being mad, devoid of reason, and cruel will almost certainly rub my nose in it and mock me at every chance he gets.
I am too weak to resist the enemy and it is clear now that the war will be lost. It may even be tomorrow!
On a brighter note, I think I found a friend in an unexpected place. I will tell you all about her tomorrow.
Goodnight, dear Monstrosity.
I lock my diary, put it back into my drawer, switch off my bedside lamp, and lie on the top of the duvet. The room is full of moonlight. It’s a hot night and I’m glad for the cool breezes that blow in through the open windows. The night must have exhausted me far more than I realized, because I fall asleep very quickly.
Chapter Thirteen
Tori
I am jerked awake suddenly.
A hard body is pressing against me. Seized by an unthinking panic, my immediate reaction is to kick and scream as loud as I can. I only have time to open my mouth before a large hand clamps down over it. In the silvery glow of the moon my fearful eyes collide with Cash’s beautiful ones. They seem bizarrely bright and as translucent as emeralds.
He places his index finger against his lips. ‘Shhh …’ he says, and as he sees realization come into my eyes he takes his hand away from my mouth.
‘You scared the shit out of me. What the hell are you doing here?’ I whisper fiercely.
‘Finishing what I started,’ he replies coolly.
‘So you just decided to jump me in my bed like some freaking prowler?’
‘Sorry,’ he says sounding not the least bit sorry. ‘But my cock couldn’t rest for thinking he missed out on all the action earlier.’