‘Oh, shit,’ he groaned.
‘What is it?’ I whispered.
He cleared his throat and, releasing my hand, moved away from me. He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Look, I’m sorry about what I said. I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course, you must come to me with all your problems.’
Oh my God. I wanted him to kiss me. I looked at him stunned. I felt confused. At the place we found ourselves.
He pushed his hand through his hair again. ‘I really should go. Thanks for the meal and I’m sorry it turned out this way.’ Without looking at me he turned and started to stride out of the dining room.
‘Ivan,’ I called.
His head swiveled back, his face only half-lit.
‘About Rosalind and …’
‘Legally they don’t have a leg to stand on, but stay well away from them. They’re poison,’ he said harshly.
Suddenly it seemed very important that he left on good terms. ‘I plan to. They give me a serious case of the creeps,’ I said, and pretended to shudder so exaggeratedly it must have made me look a downright fool.
An involuntary smile slipped onto his lips. ‘Right. Call if me you need me,’ he said.
‘You are my friend, aren’t you, Ivan?’ I asked. I don’t know why I asked. Maybe I just couldn’t bear him to leave yet.
‘Friend?’ He laughed, a hollow sound. ‘Yeah, sure I’m your friend. The best fucking friend you have. Goodnight, Tawny.’
Chapter 9
Tawny Maxwell
I slept badly and woke up feeling restless and dissatisfied. After a big breakfast of toast, ham, eggs, pancakes smothered in butter and jelly and coffee, I dressed in my riding gear and went outside. There had been more snow during the night, and the top layer was perfect powder. There was a freezing chill in the air, and above me the sky was an uninterrupted clear blue.
Thin frozen puddles by the entrance of the stables crackled under my winter boots. Jack, the groom, had already saddled up my horse, Dutch. Jack’s ears were reddened with the cold.
‘Thanks, Jack,’ I said, looking at Dutch with real pleasure. He was such a beauty, slender limbed and glossy as silk. I could see his breath come up in great puffs in the freezing chill of the air. I took a sugar cube out of my pocket and held it in the palm of my hand. His breath felt lovely and warm and his lips scraped my skin.
‘It’s cold so don’t work him too hard now,’ Jack cautioned.
‘I won’t,’ I said, nuzzling my face into Dutch’s cold fur and listening to the sugar crunch between his teeth.
‘Great. Give us a shout when you get back,’ he said.
I climbed onto Dutch, gave him a pat on the neck, and picked up his reins. I shifted my weight and dug my heels into his sides and he took my lead perfectly, and began to trot, his mane bouncing with each stride. In perfect rhythm we went out into the frigid, ice-kissed world.
The leaves and berries in the bushes were bejeweled with frost. No one had disturbed the snow and except for a few fox marks it lay in a pristine layer on the ground. I looked at the beauty around me, breathed in the still silence, and felt pure joy. Dutch too seemed pleased to be out.
We had travelled peacefully for about fifteen minutes when my skin began to tingle. Not from cold. It was an unfamiliar sensation. My hands felt as if they were numb and yet so sensitive I could feel the blood throbbing inside the vessels. I squeezed my hands into fists.
However, the odd feeling persisted.
Then my head started to feel light and strange. Concerned, I slid off Dutch and my boots sunk into the snow. I held on to Dutch and tried to understand what was happening to me. The tingling in my hands spread to my arms and culminated in a delicious warm glow all through my body and brain.
I should have been frightened, but I wasn’t. How could I? It felt incredible. I felt as if I could taste the air. It tasted clean and I could actually feel the oxygen in the air I was breathing. Every little movement and thought made me extremely happy. Everything felt good to touch. Even my clothes against my skin was pleasurable. I rubbed my face against the fur lining on my collar and it felt as if I was not rubbing a strip of dead fur, but the indescribably soft warm fur of a baby chincilla that was alive and curled around my neck.
I experienced the beauty around me the way I had never before done. I started to feel as if I was one with the landscape, as if I knew how the trees and animals felt. We were all one organism. It was, you know, peace and love. At that moment I loved every single person on earth. I guess I was being in the moment. There was no yesterday and no tomorrow. There was only now, where everything was perfect.
I saw the most gorgeous squirrel run down a tree and come towards me. He stopped about ten feet away. The little creature’s eyes were so bright and alive I felt as if he was my special mate.