Chapter Thirty-Six
Kyle
Kyle's breath caught in his throat. The way Faith was looking at him-his heart galloped around his chest, fighting against its restraints. "What?"
She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes. "I bare my soul, and you ask, ‘what?' Another girl might be upset by that, but I'm too happy to care. Now, listen closely. You listening?"
He nodded, too breathless to speak.
"Good." She smiled and laid a hand on his chest. "I think you're amazing on the inside-and the outside doesn't hurt, either." She let out a soft, breathy laugh. "I want to be with you. All the time. And I want you, too. Now, in a week, in a year, whenever you're ready-it doesn't matter, as long as it's with you."
This must be what being struck by lightning feels like. Because his body was electrified, fried from end to end, and begging for another hit. Was that jolt terror? Desire? Both? Neither?
Everything was so confused. "I, uh, okay."
She chuckled. "Look, last time I checked, you have a little more experience with this than I do. Isn't there supposed to be more kissing and less awkward conversation?"
His insides collapsed into a miserable cold ball of guilt. "That's just it."
She slipped her arms around his neck. "What's ‘just it'?"
Her lips brushed his cheek when she spoke, and he shuddered. One more lie to add to the list. How many was too many? He was sure this had to be the last straw. Any minute now, she was going to get fed up and leave him. This close and it was going to be over. "That day I pushed you away, it's … I was scared. Scared that you'd find out and laugh, or be angry."
"Angry about what?"
He sighed. "There's one more secret. See, I haven't actually … been with any girls. Not one. Hell, you're the first girl I ever kissed."
Her eyes flew wide and she leaned away. His entire body turned to ice. Yep, misery complete-she was going to walk out and leave him. And he deserved it.
"Really? You're a virgin? You?"
He nodded and held himself stiff. If she wanted to walk out, he wouldn't make things hard for her. "That whole player thing? It's a lie. Just like everything else-a persona to save myself. I'm actually kind of awkward with girls, and I didn't want you to know. That's why I pushed you away. I was falling apart inside, feeling so guilty about all the lying, and I was scared you'd … .I don't know. I was just scared."
"Scared," she murmured.
"Yeah. So I was a dick because I couldn't bring myself to admit it. I've been a mess to deal with, and I'm sorry. I understand why you might want to walk away, because I wasn't honest about anything."
She took in a tiny breath, her expression confused, a little line of pinched skin forming between her eyebrows. "Oh."
God, he didn't want to lose her, to end it this way. Tell her. Just tell her before it's too late, even if you end up hurt. "But, Faith … I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. Because, um, because no one else-except you-made me want to try to work through all my crazy. And maybe I'm not who you think I am, but that only makes me want to be with you more. Out of all the girls who've been interested, you're the only one I ever acted real around. You're the first, in everything. I just wanted to tell you that, before you go." He swallowed against the tide of despair rising in his throat. "Because I wanted you to be the first for this, too."
She held really still. "You mean that?"
"Yeah." He waited for her to go. "I mean it."
"I'm glad you told me." Her arms tightened around him. "Now we can be awkward first-timers together."
"What?" he asked. God, he was making no sense at all. His brain had misfired. Why wasn't she stomping away? He'd lied and lied. Why was she still here?
"Kyle, whatever you're thinking, it's the fear talking. And you shouldn't be afraid of us." Faith's tone was kind, but commanding. "Kiss me."
She wasn't going? She really wasn't? Joy lit a slow fire that burned outward from his heart to his limbs. Yeah, he was going to damn well kiss her. But first … "I want to say one more thing."
She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling, and it was so, so beautiful. "I'm starting to think you're stalling."
"No," he said, fast. "I just need to tell you the truth about one last thing."
She bit her lip, like she was trying to swallow her smile and be serious, but she couldn't manage it, and it was adorable. "Proceed."
Now he was smiling, too. "You make me a better person, and there's no one else I'd rather be with. And that's the truth."
"Now that was worth waiting for," she whispered, going up on her toes, ever the ballerina, so their faces were even. "So … that kiss?"
He took her face in his hands. "That kiss."
Her eyes fell shut, but he kept his open. He wanted to see her face as their lips finally met, and the soft sigh, the sweetness of her expression, was so worth it.
He let his eyes close, too. His pulse hammered; his skin burned. Her body was so soft against his.
Eventually Faith dropped back down. He could feel her shaking, and imagined her knees wouldn't hold her up anymore. Their kiss broke and she stared up at him, her warm brown eyes reaching down to his soul, pulling it free from the earth to send him sailing into the sky.
She unbuttoned his shirt, and he shivered when her hands brushed against his stomach. "Is this okay?" she asked.
"Yes. I'm just a little nervous," he admitted, heat flooding his cheeks. "But … don't stop."
Her fingers worked his shirt off his shoulders. "I think it's sweet, the guy being nervous, but you can trust me, Kyle. I won't break your heart."
"I know." And he did know. She'd take care of his heart, and he'd take care of hers.
She laid his shirt on the couch, then walked around to trace the tattoo. "It's beautiful. What kind of bird is that?"
"A hawk," he said. He was having trouble breathing, and he couldn't make himself care. The feel of her fingers on his skin was giving him a contact high. "I've always loved them-they're strong for their size, and fierce. I needed that, to remind me."
She kissed his shoulder, and goose bumps rose in the spot her lips touched. "Well, I love it."
He spun around and pulled her against him, kissing her, drowning in her. "I love every part of you."
She nuzzled his neck. "How do you know? There are parts you haven't seen."
"I still love them." God, his heart was going to explode any second. "But I'd like to see them."
She took his hands and guided them to the skirt of her dress. His palms skimmed her thighs as he slid it up and over her head. All she wore underneath was a white bra and matching underwear, and he couldn't help but stare. Faith wrapped her arms around her middle. He wasn't sure if she was cold or shy, but he could fix both problems.
"You're beautiful, Faith. In every way possible." He stepped in close, feeling the softness of her skin against his. "You're sure?"
She pressed her forehead against his collarbone. "Completely."
"Then it's a good thing Cade talked me into buying condoms a few days ago."
Now she outright laughed. "Cade's a good friend."
"He is. But I don't want to talk about him right now." He slid his palms down her bare arms and took her hands in his. He breathed in the scent of her hair. It smelled like forever. "I don't want to talk at all."
She tilted her mouth up to his. "Neither do I."
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Faith
Scared. He said he was scared. He'd sounded so ashamed of that, but it was music to her ears. She'd been so wrong about him, in the best way possible. Here was someone not looking for easy prey, but for someone to lead him as much as he led her.
Faith let go of Kyle's hands and traced the lines of his biceps to his forearms. "You know, baseball players have the sexiest arms. Especially baseball players who can lift ballerinas up over their heads."
He growled softly, his mouth tracing kisses along her shoulder. "And ballerinas have great legs."
To prove his point, he reached down to stroke the outside of her thigh. She leaned into him, her breath quick and sharp in her lungs. One-or was it both?-of them was trembling, and his mouth crushed hers. He kept one hand on her lower back, and she arched against him. It lit her up inside, but still she wanted more, if he was ready. Would he be?
She splayed a hand on his chest and pushed him back a step. His eyes were unfocused and his hair was a wreck. And those jeans riding low on his hips made her blood race hot through her veins. God, what a beautiful mess he was. "You're overdressed."
He flushed. "So are you."
His voice was hoarse, and he swayed on his feet like he was struggling to stay upright. She'd have to make the first move-he was too far gone to do anything but follow her lead. She reached for his hand and tugged him toward the bed. They made it three steps before he pulled her back into his arms, almost as if he couldn't bear to let go, even for a second. Smiling against his mouth, she walked backward, pulling him along, until they finally made it.