The Bachelor Contract(49)
The pain in Nik’s eyes was like a punch to the gut. And then she ran.
He knew how desperate she had to be to run when she couldn’t really see. The doctors had always said it was possible she’d get her vision back, but the chance of it ever happening was grim at best. Obviously that ship had sailed. Guilt attacked full force, ugly and painful.
His stomach dropped as his shaking hands lifted her shirt over her head; his fingers unhooked her bra then skimmed down her hips, tugging her black pants down to the white tiled floor.
Teeth chattering, she wrapped her arms around herself and stared blankly ahead, her face pale. Beautiful. So striking. Her full lips parted as her body shook, her olive skin just begged to be touched.
But the look on her face sobered his thoughts. She looked afraid.
Your fault.
The skin on her right forearm was turning a bright pink.
“Keep your right arm away from the water,” he said gruffly.
“’Kay.” She breathed out a sigh and then held out her hands to reach for him.
He pulled her into his arms, and she let out a little gasp.
“What?”
“You’re naked.”
“Not all the way.” He smiled down at her even though she couldn’t see him. “I figured the best way for you to clean up was with a shower partner.”
“And let me guess—you’re volunteering?”
“Yeah, well, it’s my hotel room, my rules. Besides, I don’t see anyone else jumping at the chance.”
“Probably because nobody else is here.”
“Lucky you,” he whispered.
She sucked in a breath and jerked her head away. He’d almost kissed her. He’d wanted to touch those lips, to kiss them into submission, to press her against the shower wall and worship her body.
And then what?
Leave them both more fucked than they already were?
No, the last thing he needed was to kiss her; hell, even touching her was doing a number on his self-control. Because he wanted to run, just like she’d just done. He wanted to run until his legs burned, until his chest ached, until his bloody feet brought him to the end of the world, where memories of what they shared and the reminder that it was that good would be gone.
An apology hung between them.
He knew he should go first. But how do you apologize for something you’re still not sure you’re sorry for?
And if he did actually apologize, that meant he’d been wrong, and being wrong meant acknowledging how much he’d fucked up.
It would force them to deal with the present. And the past. And grieve.
He shuddered beneath the hot spray as it massaged his back. After a few minutes, she relaxed against his chest, the tips of her breasts sliding against his skin, making it impossible not to react.
Brant clenched his teeth. “How’s the arm?”
“Hurts.”
“I’m sorry.” His eyes burned; he squeezed them shut and kept talking. “I’m so damn sorry he brought that up, he had no right.”
She sighed. “Normally I’m okay with answering questions about…about the fire.” Her voice weakened. “But in front of you, your family…and your grandfather sounded concerned and then everyone else was quiet, like they had no idea how serious it really was.”
“They didn’t,” Brant admitted. “Only Grandfather knew. He helped me cover up the truth of how bad it was from my brothers.”
She pulled away, her eyes glancing up at him. He could almost believe she could see him. “What do you mean?”
“I never told them.”
“About the fire?”
“I—” He took a step away.
“Brant!” She reached for him.
He was a complete ass. Because he wanted to leave her there, in his shower, in his hotel room, he wanted to run and never look back.
“I can’t.” God, he didn’t recognize his own voice. “Don’t make me talk about this.” About how he failed his child—and then her.
“So that’s it?” She threw her hands in the air. “You just ignore everything that makes you sad? To what end?”
“Sad?” he yelled. “You think I’m sad?” He moved closer, pressing her body against the tile, pinning her arms above her head. “I’m fucking devastated!”
She sucked in a breath.
“I’m destroyed!”
Tears mixed with the water streaming down her face, trickling in her mouth.
“I’m empty!” he roared, releasing her hand and slamming his against the tile over and over again. “I almost killed you! You lost your sight weeks after losing our ch—” He couldn’t even say it. He backed away.
Nikki grabbed his arm. “Say it.”