Why was it so hard to move on? Probably because she hadn’t tried.
Instead, she’d worked. Tried to stay positive. And hoped.
Damn hope. Stupid hope.
Hope flickered away the minute he sent back the check the first time. And every single time after that, hope died a bit more until all she was left with was darkness.
“He’s not coming back for me,” she whispered, knowing that if she finally admitted he wasn’t coming, she would have to take her part of the blame as to why. Because it wasn’t just on him to come running back. A small part of her knew that it was her job to meet him halfway. Instead, she’d ignored the need in his eyes, the desperate plea in his voice, and allowed grief to swallow her whole. Because at the time she’d needed someone to blame, and it was easier blaming him than herself. “It’s over, he’s gone,” she said under her breath. Great, now she was talking to herself in the hotel lobby like a depressed psycho.
“Who?” Cole’s voice interrupted her emotional breakdown.
Well, it was now or never.
And what better way to try to forget about Brant than with her best friend, the one who had been there to help pick up all the pieces all those years ago when she’d begged for a job? When she’d needed someone to listen to her? At least he wouldn’t hurt her—he needed her heart to do that—and she’d never gotten it back from the man who took it first.
Maybe a date would at least distract her from the pain, from the stupid hope that she still had in her heart that one day she’d open the door and Brant would be standing there.
She shuddered. Her throat tightening, she stood and held out her hand to Cole. “One date.”
He didn’t move.
“Cole?”
“Sorry, I think I just had a stroke—did you say one date?”
“Y-yes.” She cringed. “Maybe?”
“That face you just made does wonders for my self-esteem. Seriously, you look like you just ate an entire plate of sushi.”
“I hate sushi.”
“I’m not sushi.”
Sighing, she placed her palm against his solid chest. “I just…I know I need to move on. Maybe this will help, you know?” Besides, even though Cole had been after her for years, she knew the truth. They teased, but he was just a friend—he wasn’t seriously interested in her.
“It’s been four years, Nik.” Cole’s voice was soft, concerned. Gah! Why did he have to be so amazing? And why did she have to be so…sad?
“Well, when you put it that way I sound….damaged.” Her lips twitched into a smile that probably looked more helpless than hopeful.
“Not damaged.” He cupped her face with his massive hand. “Just…a bit lost.”
“Yeah.” Her voice cracked. “It’s a stupid idea, although I’m sure you’re a great dater.”
He laughed.
“It would never work.”
“It would if you actually wanted to try, but part of me thinks that this is a desperate attempt to fuck him out of your system.”
Embarrassed that he’d seen right through her, Nikki let out a little gasp. “I never said—”
“Trust me, it would happen, and then you would hate me and yourself in the morning. God, listen to me…I’ve wanted you for four years, you finally offer one date, and all I can think about is the fact that I’m a greedy bastard who wants all of you—not just the pieces.”
“See!” She spread her arms wide. “This is exactly what I’m talking about! Why isn’t this working?”
“Huh?”
“You say all the things, the right things, and everyone says you’re sexy—”
“You know I’m sexy.”
“I said your voice is sexy.”
“All of me is sexy.”
“Fine!” She dropped her arms. “You’re sexy and I—”
“Nikki.” He wrapped an arm around her. “You’re exhausted, you need sleep. If tomorrow morning, after a full night’s sleep, you still want to try a date, we’ll go on a date…all right?”
“I convinced you?”
“More like I feel sorry for you.”
“Such a good friend,” she grumbled. “And I’m warning you now, I won’t sleep. I keep having dreams about—”
Cole tensed. “About him?”
“Yeah, and—okay, you’re officially back into best-friend territory, since I don’t know who else to tell this to and you can’t fire me.”
“What the hell did you do that would make me fire you?”
Nikki chewed her bottom lip as they walked out into the dry Arizona air. “Well, I may have”—she rolled her eyes—“touched a client’s ass.”