I laugh in sheer glee as we play. Nikolai shoots me a sidelong glance, and I see a small smile dance on his lips. At some point, he leans in. “Music,” he says, very, very quietly. “It lives in your heart.”
Damn him. I blink back my sudden tears.
This man was going to be the finest pianist of his generation. That he is here, playing with his friends, fingers thrumming out the melody, just surrendering himself to the rhythm? I have never felt more humbled, and I have never been as inspired.
***
“Do you know,” I say thoughtfully, when his friends have left, and we are washing up. “I have no idea what you do.”
“I teach,” he says, offering the information readily. “Piano, of course. At Boston College.”
“Today was a working day,” I point out. “Did you stay home because you had to babysit me?”
He laughs. “It’s spring break, Allie. I’m luxuriating in my week off.”
I make a face. He’s given up some precious free time to tutor me and I feel quite selfish about it. “It’s hardly a week off if you are teaching me.”
“The perks are excellent though. I can’t actually use these training methods on my undergrads.”
“So, nipple clamps are reserved for your best students?” I tease.
“Something like that,” he says dryly.
“Is Anita an ex-girlfriend?” I continue my interrogation, but he’s in a talkative mood, and he nods.
“Are you jealous?” he asks, sounding curious.
I shake my head. “I don’t think I really have the right to be.”
“Maybe. But you also have nothing to be jealous about. Our relationship is very much in the past.” He raises one eyebrow. “I noticed you seemed quite enamoured by Sergei.”
I blush. So he has noticed. “Okay,” I confess. “If you wanted to share me with Sergei,” I start, and he laughs aloud.
“Such a bad girl.” His lips twitch. “You know you have a punishment coming now, don’t you?”
“For mentioning Sergei?” I don’t know if Nikolai is the jealous sort. Is he really that perturbed by my offhand comment that I found his friend hot?
“For screaming at me earlier.”
Ah. Yeah, I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten my outburst earlier. We finish the dishes, and I dry my hands on the towel. He comes up to me, and kisses the back of my neck. “Ready?”
I’m nervous, but I trust Nikolai. “I’m ready.”
***
“Tell me about your life,” he says conversationally, as we make our way to the dungeon.
I snort. “Isn’t this something you ask me before you strip me naked and whip me?”
“I am,” he says dryly, and I laugh out aloud. It’s hard to be too outraged. My playing has improved by leaps and bounds. Short of a major screw-up, I’m playing well enough to ace my audition. Nikolai’s methods, unorthodox though they are, have worked their magic.
Plus, I’m assuming that after the punishment, he’ll fuck me, and I really, really want to get fucked.
“There’s not much to tell,” I reply, answering his question. “I’ve been in limbo.”
“You are too goal-oriented,” he says. “You need to work towards something to feel content, I think.”
He is right. Not having a sense of purpose has been terrible for me. I’d been drifting until I decided to audition for Juilliard. I resolve to never let that happen again.
As I’m thinking my thoughts and removing my clothes, he’s setting up, pulling whips and crops and spreader bars and dildos out of the cabinets in the dungeon. “Ready, myshka?” he asks me.
“Will it hurt?” I’m a little nervous.
He inclines his head. “I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest you might enjoy it,” he says. “Give it a try. Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin. Use yellow if you want me to slow down, red if you want me to stop. Okay?”
Despite his threat on the first day, I’ve always had a safe word. Nikolai is entirely too responsible to neglect that safety precaution. “Okay,” I say. I straighten, resolving to trust in him. After all, he’s mentioned that I might enjoy my punishment. That doesn’t sound like someone who wants to inflict pain for pain’s sake.
“Besides,” he continues, “this isn’t actually a punishment.” He sounds slightly embarrassed, and I look up curiously at him.
“Explain?”
He clears his throat. “We don’t really know each other as adults, do we, Allie? And based on the way I’ve treated you – with the nudity and the collar and the clamps, your conclusion was not completely illogical. The screaming wasn’t helpful, but I bear the lion’s share of blame for the misunderstanding.”