I start laughing. The waterwall is pouring over my hair and twigs are floating in the tub. Sean starts laughing with me. "This should be a picture on the urban dictionary page for ‘smooth move.' I have half a forest in my frickin' hair! Why didn't you say anything?"
Sean kicks his shoes off and they splatter next to the tub. He plucks a stick from the water and smiles. "You looked adorable, like a little forest elf that got bitch-slapped by a tree."
I shove his chest and splash some of the tub water at him. Sean's laughter is light like mine, and it's nice to hear him in such a good mood. The tone is so rich and carefree, so unburdened from the things that I usually hear from him.
The tub is big enough for both of us to stand, and so we do, splashing each other like children. Water goes flying everywhere, hitting Sean in the face and soaking his jeans. Eventually, he steps towards me and wraps me in his arms. His mouth comes down on mine, slowly, warm and welcome. The embrace is so tender for him, so unlike him, that I wonder what he's going to do next.
CHAPTER 7
I'm used to the way Sean moves, fast and hard, the way he controls me. This time though, that's not the man that's with me. Instead, I have a different version of Sean. He's slow and seeking, tracing the lines of my mouth with his tongue while cupping my cheeks with his hands. He turns me so that the waterfall is over both of us, warming us. The movements he makes aren't controlling. They're vulnerable and sweet.
I reach for his buckle, pulling the wet leather through the belt loops of his jeans. I toss it aside. There's water everywhere, but he doesn't care. Sean's gaze fixes on me, watching me, wondering what I'm going to do next. Reaching out for his hands, I take them and put them on the hem of my shirt, inviting him to finish what he started. Sean takes the damp fabric in his hands and slowly slides it up over my head and tosses it to the floor.
Those sky-blue eyes wander over my slick curves before returning to my face. I expect him to go for my bra and throw it off, guessing that he'll be harsh and forceful, the way he usually is-but not this time.
Instead, Sean takes the tip of his finger, and barely touching my skin, chases the water as it flows down from my neck to my shoulder and finally to my breast. The pads of his fingers barely touch my skin. The effect is a symphony of sensations. I gasp and look up at him. Sean pushes my wet hair out of my face, and cups my chin, holding my gaze on his.
"You really should not have come." This time when Sean says the words, I hear the real meaning and it scares me to death.
CHAPTER 8
The intensity of Sean's gaze makes me shiver. He mistakes the motion as coldness and steps out of the tub to grab a towel. He returns quickly and wraps it around me. "Come here for a few minutes, let me run you the type of bath that I was planning on giving you."
My stomach swirls as Sean takes my hand and helps me step over the side of the tub. He sits me down on a cedar bench next to the shower. Sean hands me a fluffy white towel that I wrap around my body.
Now I'm shivering because I'm cold. Before Sean goes back to clean up the mess he does something unexpected. Reaching up under the towel, he finds my waistline and gently removes my pants and my panties. He doesn't look at them, he doesn't put my intimates to his nose and inhale. Instead, he just takes the damp clothing and puts it down a laundry chute. Before he walks away he gives me a kiss on the cheek and smiles. "I'll warm you up fast. Just give me a minute."
"Sean?" I'm not sure what he's doing or what he wants from me. The way he's acting is unnerving.
He was walking away, but when I call his name he stops and turns. I don't know what to say, so I sit there with my mouth hanging open. I can tell him the truth, I can tell him that I'm scared, that this is too close to what I want-to what I've always wanted-and that if he's pretending now, it'll kill me. The words never come to my mouth but they must be in my eyes, because he seems to know.
"I won't hurt you, Avery. Not again. I know you have no reason to trust me, and I know too much has happened between us, but I promise you, this is me. The guy they kept thinking wasn't there, the one that I denied, but this is who I am." He shrugs like it's nothing, but at that moment I can tell he is as afraid as I am.
Pressing my lips together, I say, "Well, just so you know, you are nothing to shrug at. And I understand why you kept him hidden. We both needed two things to survive, things that were unbecoming."
Sean doesn't know how to respond-there's a look of relief on his face and a half smile. It molds his lips into an adorable expression. I want to jump up and kiss him. It's scary, but I think I'm finally getting to see the side of Sean that I know is there, revealed to me full force. Sean's finally stopped hiding who he is, at least in front of me. The monsters have been left in the shadows and I finally have him, all of him.
I don't know if I should hold back or give in. This chance may not come again, and I don't want to regret holding back. At the same time my heart's so brittle, so marred, that I'm afraid to open it up entirely again. I could manage fucking, I was so sure that I made a freaking contract. I didn't think to exclude this part. I didn't think Sean would try to make love to me and now that he has, I don't know what to do.
Some people say be careful what you wish for. I used to think that was because wishes don't come true. That's not what I'm seeing in front of me now. This version of Sean's raw and real, ready to give me everything I've always wanted. The question is, am I? Or will I be a frightened little girl and run away?
I told him to stop beating around the bush. Well, that has a whole other meaning that I never thought of. Damn. Maybe it's time for me to be brave, to step out of the shadows myself. This is my chance to get what I've always wanted, even if it's only once.
Besides, he's already broken me so many times I don't see how I could be worse off than before. He sees my eyes and, in that moment, I swear to God he knows what I'm thinking.
"Avery, this is for you. I dropped my walls for you and only you. And you can say no. I'm not pressuring you into this. I know you've been hurt by me, by life. I wouldn't blame you." His voice trails off at the end of the sentence, like he would be in agony if I said no.
The truth falls from my lips before I can stop it, "I'm afraid."
"So am I." Sean watches me from across the room as he refills the tub preparing it with oils and lighting candles that float on the surface of the water. For a moment neither of us breathe, we just stare at each other silently. He offers an uncertain smile before he turns back to the water, adjusting the temperature, picking up twigs that fell from my hair.
When he finishes, he walks over to the shower where I'm sitting. There are over six shower heads and a control panel that I have no clue how to use. He presses three or four buttons and all of a sudden there's wonderful warm steam and a trickle of hot water from overhead.
Sean extends his hand. "You can rinse off before you bathe. There's soap and shampoo to get the wilderness off of you. We can check your cuts when you come out. Oh, and there's a pink bottle, on the far right, that's for you."
That last statement caught my attention. What on in the world could he have gotten me? I drop the fuzzy warm towel and head into the steam, inhaling deeply as I go.
Oh. My. God. It feels so good. It's a shower that feels as though it's raining inside. The water falls gently, pouring over my body. I look around for the pink bottle and see it right away. It's made of crystal and has a jeweled topper. I remove the lid and bring my head to the opening of the bottle, inhaling deeply. It smells incredible. I can't decide what it's made from. The scents are familiar, but I can't place them.
I pour some of it into my hand, unsure as to whether it's perfume or soap. When I put the bottle down and start rubbing, it's clear from the lather that it's soap. I rub it on my arms and my stomach and my legs, removing the remains of running through the woods, and tripping over fences. My muscles go slack in the heat and I can feel sleep catching up with me.
That's when Sean comes to fetch me. He has a white fluffy towel wrapped around his waist and nothing else. His hair is damp as if he showered somewhere else. He takes my hand, presses a button on the way out so the shower turns off, and leads me back to the waterfall next to the bathtub.
Holding onto his arm, I feel weary. "I am so tired."
Sean runs his fingers through my damp hair and down my neck, bracing my shoulders. "I know, but this can't wait any longer. I think it's something we both wanted for a long time, isn't it?"
Looking up into his eyes, all I can do is nod. Gently, he takes my hand and leads me over to the copper tub. Sean helps me in and tells me to lean back. I do as he says, and close my eyes. The sound of the water wall is perfect, combined with the candles and gentle scents-it's perfection.
Sean asks me to lean back and lifts my hair over the side of the tub. I try to turn to see what he's doing but he tells me to relax. "I told you," he says. "This is something I have wanted to do for a while. If you don't like it let me know, but I think you will."
My nerves are jumbled because I can't begin to fathom what he's going to do. Is he going to pull my hair? Is he going to cut it? Just as the next thought enters my mind, I feel what he's doing. The same scent from the pink bottle that was in the shower stall, I smell it, and I know he's lathering it into my hair. I feel the cool liquid pool on the top of my head before Sean's fingers work it into my scalp. He massages my temples, gently and carefully untangling my hair with his fingers as he works that wonderful smell into it.