“Avery, Black is powerful and if she wants to keep you alive, you’ll stay that way. She doesn’t invest time or money in perishables.”
“Nice.”
“It’s the truth.” His tone is flat. He doesn’t plead with me or beg me to listen—he expects me to curse him out and tell him to take a hike. There’s fear behind those blue eyes, but that isn’t what I want.
“Since when do you care about the truth?” Sean starts to open his mouth to respond, but I cut him off. “No, seriously, I want to know. Was it before or after you fucked me in the box?”
Something changes as soon as the words tumble out of my mouth. Sean’s larger-than-life presence fades. For a moment none of his worries are hidden and every single one is displayed on his face. His lips part and it feels like a cheap shot.
“Avery.” When he speaks, my name sounds like a warning more than anything else.
“Sean.” I mimic, not heeding his warning. “Seriously. You’re engaged to someone else. Explain that away. Tell me why it never came up, or why she’s living in your goddamn house while you screw me in hotels on the other side of the country! Is she blonde with huge boobs? Did you buy them for her? Is she tall and perfect? Does she satisfy you the way I do? Probably not, right?” Fury burns bright in Sean’s eyes as my questions come hurling forth, but it’s the last one that makes him angry. “Or do you just keep her around because she looks like Amanda?”
Without warning, Sean slips off the desk and is in my face. Rage engulfs his beautiful features distorting him into someone unrecognizable. His voice sounds more like an animal than a man. “Never say her name again.”
My heart pounds hard and fast. He’s furious and he should be, but I won’t back down. Tears prick the corners of my eyes as her name falls off my lips. “Amanda Ferro.”
For a second nothing happens. Our gazes are both narrow and locked, but then Sean starts shaking. I press myself back into the seat as far as I can go, to try and put space between us, but there isn’t any. Sean’s nose is touching mine and his hot, angry breath slides over my cheeks. For a moment I think he’s going to hit me. His jaw works from side to side like he wants to scream at me, but he can’t find the right words. Both of his hands are clutching the couch behind my head and crushing it. If he moves, my slender throat will be caught in his vice-like grip and he’ll break my neck.
I don’t look away. I don’t breathe. For a second, time has stopped and I feel horrible. Remorse swells inside of me and before I can tell him that I don’t want things like this, he cracks.
Sean Ferro breaks.
He screams and spins around quickly, so that I can’t see his face. His shoulders tense further before they shake. I sit up a little and listen. Sean tries to control his breathing, but he can’t. Jagged breaths choke him, and it isn’t until he turns around that I see what’s happened. His eyes are glassy and there’s a devastated smile on his beautiful mouth. “I told you that I don’t know how to do this, and that isn’t an excuse. It’s the truth. For years I’ve been completely isolated and it had to be that way. Then I met you and I’m fucked, Avery. Every time I drop my defenses, you’re the one who gets hurt. I can’t let that happen. I can’t be the man you want me to be. Too many things have happened and no matter what I do, there’s no way to change my past.”
“I don’t want to change you.” My words are so soft that I can barely hear them.
“Yes, you do. You want me to be someone I’m not. I’m a loner and I like it that way.”
“Sean Ferro, you’re lying to yourself. If that were true, why would you be here with me now?” I haven’t forgiven him but I’m not going to push him off his mental cliff. I shiver and Sean peels off his jacket and tosses it to me. I pull it on and wrap my arms around my middle. “Thanks.”
He nods. “So what now?”
“That’s a good question. What do you want?”
“The same thing I’ve always wanted—you.”
I smile sadly and shake my head. “Those are nice words, but the other fiancée will be pissed when she finds out about me. Maybe things are better this way.”
“Avery.” He tries to cut me off, but I don’t let him because it’s too hard to say and once I start I can’t stop.
Tears roll down my cheeks, one and then the other. I wipe them away with the back of my hand. “No, I’m serious. Maybe you and I are supposed to be friends. Maybe we’re supposed to be nothing at all. Sometimes a person shows up when you need them most and disappears from your life. Maybe that guy is you. I needed you Sean and now—”