I understand what he means, that he would have killed the man. I don’t know how I would have reacted to that either. Right now, I just want to throw up. Sean holds onto me loosely, stroking my messy hair, and wiping away tears as they silently stream down my cheek. When I’m able, I ask, “So, what now?”
“We lure the asshole here and take care of it.”
I swallow hard and try to laugh about it. “I think I had this idea a while back and someone thought it was too juvenile to work.”
Sean grins. “I reconsidered. It wasn’t a bad plan.”
It was a stupid and reckless plan, which is why we didn’t do it last time. But what choice do we have? If this person can get at us through Sean’s personnel, we’re screwed. That means we can’t trust anyone. For a moment last night, I wondered if Bryan was there to finish the job. God, I’m turning into a lunatic.
I pull away from Sean, sit on the edge of my bed, and bury my face in my hands. A torrent of emotions fills my chest and I have no idea which one to react to and which to ignore. That’s been my vice—I’ll wait and deal with it later. Well, it’s later and this big fat mess bit me on the ass.
Clutching my hair in my hands, I stare at the floor and say, “What am I going to do? I fucked up school. There’s no way in hell they’re going to let me graduate, so I can kiss grad school goodbye too. Miss Black is going to be pissed and I doubt she’s going to let me walk away, not after everything that’s gone down. The other night at the hotel she tried to cover her ass and mine, and I screwed her over and disappeared. Gabe is going to take the brunt of my actions, and think I set him up at the hotel because I left my bracelet in his car without saying a damn word. Marty—I don’t even want to think about how messed up stuff is with Marty. And Mel, damn—her life is fucking over, and it’s all my fault. None of this crap would have happened if I didn’t—”
“You can’t think like that.” Sean cuts me off, as he moves in front of me and looks down into my face. There is remorse in his eyes. He offers a weak smile. “Someone really smart told me that when my life turned to shit. She’s tough, intelligent, and beautiful. And when the smoke finally clears, she’ll pull through this the same way she pulled through everything else she’s been through. We’re survivors, Avery. We don’t die. It’s like we have an illness that makes us want to endure the worst.”
I pick at the edge of my sheet, knowing exactly what he means. We had a conversation like this before, but last time it was about him. This time I feel the noose of guilt strangling me and I’d do anything to make it stop. I just want my life back and every moment of the past few days has gotten worse. My dreams are slipping through my fingers and now some lunatic is trying to shoot me.
I burst into tears in the most god-awful, snotty display imaginable. Sean’s blue eyes widen in shock because my hysteria came out of nowhere. One moment I was totally serene, like I could logically process my thoughts and the next, Snotfest-a-palooza.
Sean sits down next to me, making the bed dip, and pulls me into his arms. I babble unintelligible sentences, trying to get out the fears and worries that are stabbing my heart. My entire body feels like it’s going to die. My muscles tense and tighten until I’m ready to curl into a ball, but Sean won’t let me. He doesn’t release me, even though I tell him to. His shirt is covered in my sorrow and stained with my tears.
Sean takes my cheeks in between his palms and forces my gaze to meet his. “We’ll get through this. There’s no way in Hell I’m losing you now, so don’t go cray cray on my ass. I don’t know how to fix that.”
His words catch me so off-guard that I blurt out a huge laugh, and wipe at my eyes. “You said cray cray.”
“I’d say anything for you.” Sean’s voice is deep and determined. It feels like I was shoved over the edge of the abyss and have fallen into a never ending hole, but when he’s with me, there’s ground under my feet. The sensation of falling subsides and somehow everything seems like it might work out. I have no idea how, but maybe we’ll be okay.
Sean leans in slowly with his intense gaze darting between my eyes and my lips. When he touches his mouth to mine a burst of tingles shoots through my body. Every inch is consumed with the light sensation and I instantly want more. Before the kiss has a chance to deepen, there’s a knock at the door.
Sean pulls away and puts his finger to his lips and backs into Amber’s closet, leaving the door cracked. He reaches for something in the back of his waistband before mouthing, “Open the door.”