“You’re richer than God and you offer me a penny? Are you cheap, Mr. Jones?”
“Only when it comes to you.” He says it deadpan and then smirks.
I stop walking, my jaw dragging on the sand. “You did not just say that!”
“What are you going to do about it?” Sean turns toward me and pulls me to him. He places a hand on my cheek and sweeps his fingers across my skin, leaving a tingly sensation every place he touches.
Reaching up, I put my arms around his neck and pull him toward me, so we’re eye to eye.
“Mr. Jones, do you seriously want to be beat up by a girl, right here on the beach? Don’t tempt me.” There’s a smile in my voice even though I’m dying inside.
“Then stop being so damned sexy.” He presses the tip of his finger to my nose. “Boop.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. “Really? ‘Boop’?” He nods.
“It’s a trick I learned from this hot chick. She’s going to be a shrink, so she knows all this Freudian stuff about reading people and getting into their heads. The thing is, she’s so far into mine, that I’ll never be the same. She has no idea how amazing she is, and how much she’s worth. She also thinks she can take on the world alone, but she doesn’t have to.” His voice is so soft that I can barely hear him over the sound of the waves. We stand there like that, watching each other. “Don’t do whatever you’re considering doing.”
I don’t want to deceive him. I don’t want things to be like this, but I’m the one pulling him down. I nod and slip my hands down his firm sides, feeling the pads of my fingers slip over each firm muscle until I rest my hands at his waist.
The thought is in my eyes, and I know he sees it. Sean can see right through me, that’s why it kills me to say this, but I have to do it. A knife to the heart will add blood to the water. It will taint everything, every emotion, every thought.
Pressing my lips together, I look down at the sand and spit it out. “Sean, I don’t want to talk about it now. Talking about this will only make what's already hard, harder.” He swallows hard and watches my face.
“That’s why you need to tell me. Let me help you.” My lips part. I have the words, but swallow them back.
“I’ll figure it out. It’s not a good time.”
“Avery, there’s never a good time. Just tell me.” He takes my hands, and we stop walking. I’m looking at the sand, trying to find the guts I need to say the words. They’re going to rip him in half.
“I think you’re right, about Trystan.”
He looks surprised, which is good. It means he won’t see it coming. It means I was right about this wound still being open. Sean thinks I belong with Trystan.
“I’m surprised to hear you admit it.”
I kick the sand and take a step back. I look up at him, careful to meet and hold his gaze. It can’t look like I’m lying.
“I knew; I always knew how I felt about him. The thing is, I wanted you more. But Sean, I can’t live like this. Terror follows you around. I was yanking your mother’s severed arm a few days ago.” Tears start to roll down my cheeks.
“Avery, I know, it’s hard.” He looks scared now.
“Sean, as much as I love you, this isn’t going to work.” The words slice through me, tearing out my heart as I say them. My tone is level and cool. I sound detached and sincere at the same time.
Sean looks as if I struck him. He blinks once, shocked, and nods. I know he won’t refute a plan he created, not when it compromises my safety. I know why Sean wants us together--he thinks I’m in love with Trystan. The insecurity is the size of a grain of sand, but my words make it a mountain. The last part is the worst. For a moment I think I won’t be able to do it, but before I can’t back down, I say it.
“The thing is, it’s not just about me anymore and soon I won’t be able to hide it. Do you remember the night Trystan and I disappeared together? Something happened. You were right Sean--there is something between me and Trystan.”
Sean is silent. His face is blank, expressionless as I shove the lance through his heart. My stomach twists in knots and I want to cry, but I don’t. I can’t. He has to believe my story, all of it. Sean’s hands drop from my waist. He looks at the surf and asks, “You slept with him?”
“I did.” Sean won’t detect the lie because I don’t know if I’m not telling the truth, for any of it. “There’s something else.”
Sean turns back to face me, his eyes glassy from tears that refuse to fall. He thinks he was right, that Trystan stole me from him. The lump in my throat is getting too big to speak. I have to tell him the rest. I have to put the final nail in his heart, so he will let me walk away.