I’m playing with fire, tempting fate, and being utterly reckless. Sean’s concerns are valid, but I can’t help feeling like I should have some say in what happens to us. “You should let me decide whether or not I can handle sharing your life.”
CHAPTER 12
He’s torn, I can hear it in his heavy breaths. Sean could pull away and start the elevator, but I know how turned on he is, how much he wants me. I didn’t do it on purpose and he’s the one who stopped the thing, but I have to push him. He can’t act like he’s protecting me when his actions are killing me inside.
Sean slams his hands on the wall behind my head and pulls away. “We can’t! You can barely handle your own life. Damn it, Avery. I can hardly hold it together anymore, and you’re the living proof that I’ve lost my fucking mind. I can’t have the life you want. It’s not mine to offer you. I’m sorry.”
“Sean—” I grasp at him, not wanting him to pull further away from me, but he does. A rush of cold air fills the space where he stood.
“Tell me. Tell me, if you know. If you can see how to get there from here, to that place where you and I could have what my brother, Pete, has. If you can see the path, I’ll ask you. If you can tell me how we crawl out of this hell, I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you, be anything for you, but I can’t figure it out.” He’s back in front of me, so close, but he doesn’t reach for me.
“Sean, you don’t have to do it alone. Sometimes it takes two people to fix things. And sometimes, you have to trust blindly and jump.” Panic is rising up my throat and it feels like there’s a massive pile of bricks on my chest, but I manage to hold back the scream, and the tears.
Claustrophobia wasn’t much of an issue until my parents died, and then it got worse. I hate elevators and tiny spaces. They freak me out, and while I might be standing with a pleasant expression on my face, I’m really praying to God that we don’t get stuck. Now that I am stuck, it takes every ounce of sanity within me to control the fear, but it doesn’t want to be tamed. It’s snarling and animalistic, ready to claw out of here. Still, I push it down and keep the terror in check. I don’t let my emotions overtake me.
Instead, I reach for Sean, pulling at his belt until he crushes me into the wall with his body. I hold him to me, feeling the smooth skin on his back and those hot muscles, before reaching for his pants. Sean’s voice is gone. He’s all hot breath and powerful hands. He realizes what I’m doing and can’t hold back. As I free him from his slacks, he hikes up the hem of my dress pushing it up past my hips.
Sean’s lips come crashing down on mine, hot and perfect. His kiss is wild, demanding and devouring. As his lips slip to my neck, he dips his hand between my legs, pressing between my thighs. My body is in emotional overload. The faster I breathe, the hotter it gets. The warmer I am, the more afraid I become. The room shrinks with each gasp, but I want him. It’s a strange sensation, caught between lust and fear, and I can’t control myself. Tears streak my face, but there’s a smile on my lips. I’m insane. That’s got to be what’s wrong with me, because I almost like this. It’s intense, and all consuming.
Sean lifts me and presses my back against the wall. His strong hands grip my upper thighs as I wrap my legs around his hips. Sweat drips down my temples as Sean slowly pushes into me and my head slams back into the wall. There’s no air, no light. My mind tells me I’m dying, but my body is climbing higher and higher, tingling with that insatiable feeling that’s delicious torture. Sean’s thrusts start out slow and rhythmic. He doesn’t speak and I wonder if I’m going to pass out. It’s so hot and the air is so still. My mind is screaming like there’s a pillow obstructing my face, but the delicious pulsing between my legs keeps me sane. Sean slams into me harder and faster, rocking us higher and higher. I hear myself sob and don’t know why. I don’t understand the tears or the terror that’s coursing through me, but when I feel him between my legs, when Sean loses it and shoves into me that final time before he stills, I feel perfect, and my body responds and shatters. My nails bite into his skin as I cry out and feel the release.
The high from this is different, and I don’t know what to think. I can’t think. My body doesn’t know what I’m doing, or how it should react. I’m not sad, even though I shudder in his arms and tears streak my cheeks. My heart is pounding at the aftershocks and I can barely breathe, but it’s hard to tell if it’s from fear or euphoria.