He immediately pulls away, mortified. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”
On my knees, I look up at him. “There's nothing to be sorry for. I loved it.”
Sean hesitates. “I’ve never fucked your face that hard before. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Leaning in close, I press a kiss against the V in his legs, right in the perfect place. “I’m more than okay. I wanted it. I wanted you. I love you.”
He takes my hands and lifts me, pulling me against his chest. “I love you too. I hope you feel like letting me show you how much.”
I smile against his warm skin. “I’d like that.”
CHAPTER 10
After the shower, Sean takes me to his bed, carrying me like a bride across the room. He loves me slowly and softly until we are both sated again. Then we lie tangled together, skin on skin, on top of Sean’s posh bedding. It feels like raw silk beneath my fingers. Caressing the bedspread, I slide my hand over the surface, feeling the small bumps of the natural threads beneath my finger. We’re both tired and exhausted, not able to move, but not willing to sleep. This day, this week, has been unimaginable. Add to it this night, and I would’ve never thought this could happen, not in a million years. I’m in Sean Ferro’s bed in the Ferro mansion, being cradled in his arms.
Sean’s breath is warm in my ear. He’s been silent for a while now. The sun has set and night has fallen. His room is absolutely still. There’s no noise from trains or cars or highways. It’s just him and me, his breath in my breath.
I wonder if he’s contemplating what we’re going to do next or if he’s sated and ready to sleep. It isn’t until he talks that I know. Tucking a curl behind my ear, he whispers, “Why do you always come back to me?”
I can’t help it, my lips tighten up. “Why do you always feel like you have to push me away?”
I feel Sean smile behind me, as his cheek presses to my neck. “You didn’t answer my question, Miss Smith”
“Ditto, Mr. Jones.” Shifting, I snuggle my back into his front, and Sean holds me tighter. “I'm thinking that these may be questions that we’ll never have answers to. Am I supposed to stop asking? I feel like I should know, but I don’t. This doesn’t even feel real. This thing between us feels like love and it scares me to death. Sometimes I want to run, but being without you—I just can’t do that. Maybe love is as fragile as a snowflake, but we both know I like the cold.” The memory makes me smile. It brings me back to the day in the snow, sledding with Sean. That was like today, like right now. It’s surreal because I thought I’d never see that man again. I’m still not sure if things will stay the same once we leave this bed, actually I’m terrified of it ending.
Sean runs his fingers over my curves, down my side and over my hip where he rests his hands “Yes, we know that for sure. We also know that no matter what I do, you come back. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, I feel like you must’ve done something horrible to deserve me—”
Turning back, I look at him. “Stop it. You keep saying things like that, you keep acting like you’re beyond saving, but you are not. I know what’s real and what’s fake. I know you’re afraid the same way I am, but is it better to be alone? I had thought so, but building up all these walls and becoming numb doesn’t keep you from feeling. I still feel every bit of remorse, every pang of pain, and every bit of guilt. I thought walls would save me from that, I thought pushing people away and making myself numb was the only way I could endure, but I was wrong. Those walls, those barricades I built to keep people out—they worked. They kept people out, but they also locked me inside with all my agony. I know what that feels like, and I know you do too.”
Sean presses his lips to my temple slowly and softly. His strong arms wrap around me, holding me tightly. My heart beats faster and faster as the moments pass. He says nothing. I don’t know if I’ve guessed wrong, if only I feel that way and he doesn’t, or if he’s regretting this intimacy with me—but Sean's silence is unnerving. I could speak and break it, I could pass over it like the comments meant nothing, like they were meant in jest, but they weren’t.
When I feel his lips part, I have no idea what he is going to say. “I don’t like admitting this part but I made a mistake, Avery. Some mistakes can’t be undone. I’ve been festering in anguish and blaming myself for Amanda, for losing everything that was important to me, for not being there for Peter, for bailing on Jon. I’ve lost them, Avery. And the thing is, I can’t bear to lose you too. Whenever that thought surfaces I raise my guard and push you away. It’s the only way I knew how to survive. No one’s come back, except you. I’ve never broken a promise to my mother before. I know it seems like a strange thing to say in the middle of a conversation when the most beautiful woman in the world is lying naked next to me, but I swore you’d be gone and here you are.”