“You are so! You don’t care about me. I’m just another trinket to you—something to own and play with. I don’t matter to you!”
“Avery, I’d give my life for you. Why can’t you understand that I can’t have what I want either? I want you to be my wife. I want what you want. Do you hear me? I want to marry you. I want you in every conceivable means, but I can’t be so callous. It’ll destroy you, my love, and I can’t do that.” His hands are in my hair and I can feel his hard body against mine.
I can barely speak, my throat is so tight. This tiny box is suffocating me to the point that I’m thinking about clawing at the walls. But his words cut through the fear and I hear his concern, even if I still don’t understand. “You didn’t have to stop the elevator.”
“I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t listen otherwise. Avery, I want a life for us—one with the little house and the picket fence—but that’s not what’s in store for me. I am the Ferro they fear most and they have every right to act that way. My hands aren’t clean, Avery. I’m not above reproach, and I have too many enemies. Things will never be so simple. God, and if you took my name, if they knew about you…” His voice trails off and he sighs deeply, burying his face in the curve between my neck and shoulder. Hot breath spills across my skin, raising goose bumps.
My entire body is strung tight, but his lips where they are make my stomach twist and tingle. Maybe it’s fear that makes me think of his mouth on me, doing sinful things, but the thought of wrapping my legs around his hips blazes through my mind. The moment is charged with tension and vulnerability, at least it is for me. I press my lips together several times, before I can manage the words. “Ask me. Give me the chance to choose my life.”
As the words pour from my lips, I reach for him and splay my hands on his chest, under the lapel of his jacket. My heart is beating so hard, so fast. I think about his mouth on mine and hot kisses, but worry is holding me back.
“I can’t do that to you.” Sean tenses when I touch him, but he doesn’t push me away. Instead he holds me tighter, dipping his hands lower, past my waist.
“Do you have any idea what it does to me when you stop this thing? Every thought in my head is telling me that I’m going to die if we don’t move, but I’m shoving past it because I know I’m safe with you, Sean.” My hands are splayed on his chest and I can feel the rapid beating of his heart. Sean’s passion runs deep, and his worries are real. I can’t deny that, but we can’t stay like this forever. “I know the world is unkind. I know what it means to be alone, and I’m not leaving here without you realizing that. A life without you is so much worse than anything someone might do to me.”
Reaching around his waist, I pull at his shirt, freeing it from his waistband. Sean tenses, his spine straightening, as I move my hands up under the hem of his shirt and trail my fingers over his hard stomach. He’s facing me. It’s the way I dream of being with him, of touching him, but Sean doesn’t typically allow it. In this moment, the world is dumped on its head. If I can tolerate being trapped in a warm box with no light or air, then he can bear my touch, and he does.
Sean is quiet for a moment and I can feel the tension in his taut muscles. He’s so still, except for the slow, deliberate breaths that fill his lungs. People breathe like that when they’re afraid. I know because I’m doing the same thing.
“It’s not a question of if, but when.” His voice shudders as I trail my palms across his body, tracing the lines of his torso. His skin is so hot. If I wasn’t wearing a dress, if I could press my naked body to his, I’d die. For a second I understand his sexual draw to fear and how it mingles with lust, because it’s there and incredibly difficult to ignore.
Sean’s voice is a whisper. “I can’t knowingly do something that will hurt you. I can’t let them—” He shivers and presses his hips to mine, showing me exactly how he feels. When he pulls away, I’m breathless. “Avery, you know what you do to me, and how I feel about you. If you weren’t wearing panties, I’d have that dress hiked up and take you right here and now.”
Leaning in close, my lips brush against his ear as I whisper, “Then, I’m afraid I’ll have to hold you to your word, right after you ask me something I really want to hear.”
Sean makes a noise at the back of his throat before dipping his hands lower, cupping my butt and feeling for verification of my statement. His words come out in a raspy breath. “This isn’t fair. You know my weakness—that it’s a fantasy to have you like this, here.”