He nods, but doesn’t smile. Actually, it looks like I kicked him. “I know.”
“Then why?” I watch Sean as he taps his finger on the table and avoids my gaze.
“Because you sacrificed everything for that moment. If this isn’t fleeting, if I matter to you—”
Straightening in my seat, I finally say what I’m thinking. “Sean, why won’t you ask me?” He looks away and doesn’t answer. This isn’t a game anymore. I think he had every intention of asking me when we were upstairs, but something changed. There’s no pressing need to ask me anything. Sean’s sitting there like he always does. I try to stay calm and ask the question even though I already know the answer. “Did you change your mind?”
His blue gaze flicks up and meets mine. “No.”
Liar. “Just tell me the truth. Don’t hide behind that placid expression and let yourself feel for a second.”
“Let myself feel? Do you seriously think that’s the problem?”
“Not in its entirety, but I think a general lack of empathy is part of the problem.” That was a cheap shot, but it infuriates me when he acts so stoic. He can act that way with everyone else, but not with me.
Sean mashes his mouth shut and looks back and forth before leaning forward and blasting me. “Do you know what they’re going to say about you if you become Mrs. Sean Ferro? Do you seriously think that I haven’t thought about it? About how you’d take it when those insults are hurled at you? Avery, I’ve heard so many hateful things, day after day. I wish I could tell you that I don’t care, that they roll off like rain, but they don’t. You haven’t had to endure that kind of punishment and you’ve done nothing to warrant it, but marrying me will be enough. People will talk, they’ll be unkind toward you, and it will be my fault. If you carry my name, you carry my burdens.” He pats his napkin to his lips and looks like he just opened a checking account. There’s no emotion in those blue eyes, they’re vacant of grief and pain.
The hollow spot inside my chest constricts as I look away. He isn’t going to ask me. That little altercation in the elevator made him change his mind. Sean doesn’t think I can handle it. I’m not going to cry. Screw that. The center of my chest aches so badly that I speak without thinking. “So what, you don’t trust me with those burdens?”
“No, I want to save you from them. Unkind words are the nicest things that happen to me, Avery.” Sean acts like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t. He just sits there in his chair like it’s a goddamn throne and watches me.
Maybe I could have accepted this a few weeks ago, but not now. If I get up and walk away, it’ll be the end of it. Sean won’t follow me. I smile at him as every hope dissolves inside my chest. I haven’t the words to tell him what he’s done to me, exactly what level of hell he just tossed me into.
So I say nothing. I simply stand, toss my napkin on the table, and walk away. I should have known better than to think Sean Ferro would actually ask me to share his life.
CHAPTER 11
That man took my heart and shredded it. I’ve walked away and there’s no going back. I don’t expect him to follow me or say a damn thing. He’s weird like that. He usually lets me wander off, swearing under my breath, and then shows up after I calm down. But not this time. Sean’s arm juts between the elevator doors as they close. “Avery, wait.”
The hollow feeling inside my chest is overflowing with pain and dripping into my shoes. I can’t look at him and pretend it doesn’t hurt. I’m a moron. I keep thinking the best of people. I never learn. I don’t say anything. I don’t look up.
He steps inside and we’re alone. The elevator starts to move upward toward our floor when Sean steps in front of the panel and pulls the STOP. We lurch to a halt and my heart tries to tear out of my chest. Panic makes my eyes dart around the dark little room as my palms slam backward into the wall, grasping at the rail like it can save me. I hate small spaces, and being trapped in an elevator is as bad as being nailed into a coffin. Sean knows that.
He finds me in the dim emergency lighting and slips his hands around my waist and tugs me to him. I try to pull away, but he won’t let me. Sean’s grip on me tightens and he pins me to the wall. “Never walk away from me again. You can be angry, but you can’t be indifferent.”
“You are!”
“I am not,” he’s close to growling. I can tell that I’m poking every button he has, but I’m tired of his games. Every time we get closer, he turns and runs. It’s driving me crazy, and since I’m already certifiable, I’m not handling it gracefully.