“Really?” She shouldn’t be talking to me. I’m not family and I doubt my name is on his papers. For some reason, this woman is being kind to me—me, Avery Nobody, in my jeans and T-shirt, with Trystan’s leather jacket over my arm. I don’t look like a Ferro. I don’t look like anyone who could know him, but she’s kind to me regardless.
“Of course, honey. People act real odd after being through something like that, so give him time. A near miss changes people.”
I offer a half smile. “Nothing changes Sean.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. That bullet changes everything. You’ll see. Go on, I’ll wait.” I don’t know what she means, but I need to talk to him. I need to tell him that I’m sorry, that I should have stood by him.
I crack the door and peer through. There’s a dim light glowing, casting shadows on his face. Sean’s eyes flutter open and lock on mine. He watches me, saying nothing. My heart pounds harder as I open the door all the way and step inside. “May I come in?”
Sean’s gaze flicks to the nurse in the hallway and then back to me. He nods once and lifts a hand, indicating that I should come in and sit across from his bed.
“See, I told you. Whatever quarrel you had is over. Go make up with your man and put that ring back on your finger. Some people never get a second chance. You two are lucky.” She closes the door and as soon as it clicks shut, I want to race over to Sean and wrap my arms around him. I was so scared he was gone. The shot still rings in my ears and the whole horrific thing replays behind my eyes over and over again.
Sean is in a hospital robe with an IV in his arm. His dark hair is messy, but those blue eyes are alert and cautious. “Sit.” His voice is scratchy, like he needs water.
I take the seat opposite him. The words and fears I’d been holding in come rushing out. “I’m so glad you’re all right. When I heard the shot, I thought he hit me, but then you didn’t move. I thought he killed you. Sean, things are so complicated, but I know I want you in my life. If you’ve given up on us, I’ll walk out that door and never bother you again, but if for some reason you haven’t, if you still love me,” pressing my lips together, I get out of my chair and go and kneel next to his bed, “I want to be with you.”
We’re both quiet for a moment. Despite his stern gaze, I manage to say the rest, “Do you love me? After everything I put us through, and all the promises I broke, I can only beg. I deserted you when you finally trusted me. Sean, I was so scared, but last night frightened me more. I want you on any level you’ll have me. I can’t live without you, don’t you see? You’re my other half.” Tears are streaming down my face as I speak and my voice becomes softer and softer, but Sean doesn’t answer. His dark piercing gaze remains fixated on mine, harsh and unrelenting.
Continuing, I say, “This was my fault and you were trying. I just didn’t know what to do—that day in the box, the way you seemed gone. It scared me. I won’t lie to you—it was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. The only thing that frightened me more was seeing you fall last night. I thought you were gone forever. A life without you is impossible. Please tell me that I haven’t lost you. Sean, please say something. Either way, put me out of my misery.” I squeeze his hand and begin to withdraw mine when he clasps it, holding on tightly.
“It’s my fault. He’s gone, Avery. I fucked up.” Sean tilts his head back into the pillows and looks up at the ceiling. “I didn’t think I was capable of fucking things up like this, but it’s beyond that. I’m so far gone they should have left me to bleed out on the stage floor. I deserve it. There’s nothing that will make up for this.”
“What are you talking about? Sean…” I get up and sit on the edge of the bed, thinking he’s not as coherent as I thought he was. I examine his face for signs of a head injury, but don’t see one. My fingers take hold of his sheet. I pull it down slowly, waiting for him to stop me, but he doesn’t.
Sean tries to take a deep breath and winces. That’s when he looks at me and I freeze. “Go ahead and look. That’s what you want, right? To see if I’m disgusting on the outside now, too.”
“Sean!” I can’t believe he said that.
He lifts his robe revealing himself along with a bandaged torso. “I survived and he died—it’s so wrong.” He drops the robe and for a moment I’m afraid. Sean doesn’t sound right. He’s lucid, but his voice is off. “The fucking bullet misses me, but it didn’t miss him. I had a plan, but that asshole didn’t give me the chance and the gun. He fucking had the gun.” Sean’s big blue eyes meet mine. “Tell me you didn’t give it to him. Please, tell me that it wasn’t you.”