"Well, tell her to stop. I don't want you owing her."
Sean just breathes. He's so close, but it feels like he's miles away. I've been longing for him, wishing for things that will never be. He's too damaged, too far gone. The monster within has taken over and I'll never see inside his soul again. That last ember was snuffed out and the worst part is that I'm the one who did it when I gave him back my ring.
My eyes catch a lump under his shirt and then rise to the chain around his neck. I go to reach for it, but Sean's hand juts out and stops me. "Don't." It's one word but it means so much.
Don't expose the ring.
Don't make me say I still want you.
Don't put us through that again.
Just don't.
CHAPTER 15
Sean stays with me, and Trystan won't let me out of his sight. We go to the stage before they let the crowd in and Trystan shows me where to stand. "Shake your ass and you'll blend in fine."
When I looked in the mirror, after they were done with my make-up and hair, my own mother wouldn't recognize me. Long blonde hair trails down my back and there are other dancers milling about who look identical. Some have blonde hair, some have red. There's not a brunette in sight, which makes me wonder if that's Trystan's type since it's so glaringly absent, and because I look like her, the woman with no name.
Sean doesn't comment, he only watches until Trystan retreats to below the stage. The pre-show band is setting up. I'm supposed to stay with Sean in the wing until Trystan is on stage. I shiver and rub my hands over my arms.
Sean's gaze flicks to the side, noticing. He silently moves behind me and asks, "Are you cold?" I shake my head. I can't speak due to the massive lump in my throat. I may not see him after tonight. If Mrs. Ferro finds the killer before we do, she'll take care of it, and then he'll be gone.
It's as if he knows what I'm thinking. Sean steps toward me and rubs his hands over my bare arms. "He won't be able to get you here."
"Sean, he's tried over and over again, and each time was at night. I'm scared." My voice is faint, barely audible above the noise.
"No one will hurt you here. There are too many guards. When Scott first told me this idea, I thought he was insane. But it's the safest place for you tonight. Security is everywhere, plus I'm here. Nothing can hurt you, not tonight."
For a second, I think he's going to ask me about last night, about what happened between Trystan and me. Instead, he says, "I know you like him." Sean's voice is so tense that I can't stand it, but he continues to rub the goose bumps off of my arms by sliding his strong hands over my skin.
I stare straight ahead. I want to say, He's not you, but that won't change anything—so I remain silent.
"It's all right, Avery. I'd rather see you with him than Black."
Looking straight ahead, I confess, "Trystan doesn't care for me like that."
Sean laughs and pulls me closer, pressing his chest to my back. "Then why do I hate him so much? And don't tell me he hasn't kissed you again or done more. I'm not blind, Avery. He's what you want me to be, I see that."
My stomach twists and drops when he implies that he knows we were together. He can't know. Even I'm not certain about how far things went last night, but it doesn't keep my face from heating up. For once, I'm glad I'm facing away from him. "You hate everyone."
"No, not everyone." His breath slides across my ear, warm and welcome. God, I miss this.
"I know. I feel that ring I gave you pressing against my back." It's so chunky that holding me tight makes it obvious that it's the ring I gave him when I intended to propose. Sean's reaction is to release me, but I grab hold of his hands.
"Don't." I echo the phrase he'd spoken moments ago.
CHAPTER 16
Sean holds me like that, his arms around my waist, pressed against my back, until the preshow is over and the crowd is pumped for Trystan. Something inside me speaks loudly, telling me to savor these moments, because they'll never come again. I thought I'd lost Sean once, but it didn't feel like this. A premonition races through my body over and over again of loss and pain—crippling grief, yet to come, trying to grab hold of my throat and choke me, but I chase it away. It's just nerves.
The crowd is screaming wildly as the lights go out and smoke fills the stage. Strobes start to flash as the intro to Trystan's latest song begins. It's not the sweet love song he was known for when he began his career. His music has turned dark and edgy, and sharp as a knife. The lyrics are jarring and raw, just the way his fans like them.
Trystan's voice resonates as his half naked body emerges from the smoke. He sings,
"It's my life and
I'll lie before they make me.
It's my heart
and I'll die before she takes it.