Marty is behind me. I know he wants to leave, but my feet freeze. The plea in Sean’s voice holds me in place. His fingers are wrapped around my wrist, which makes my stomach do summersaults. My spine stiffens.
I try to push the sensations away. I’m tired of playing games. I don’t know what I expected of Sean, but this isn’t it. “No, I’m done with this. You can’t even tell me why you left. Your frickin’ leg is bleeding through your jeans. You left the hospital without even letting them patch you up. You left me behind. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.” I’m so weary. I just want to leave. My mistakes are crushing me. Coming here was a mistake. I shake my head and try to pull away, but Sean doesn’t let go.
Something changes. I sense it and look up at him. “I’ll tell you. Stay and I’ll tell you.” Sean’s eyes meet mine and I feel my resolve flake off and blow away.
I glance at Marty. He rolls his eyes and heads out the door. Before leaving he turns back to me. “Some things are beyond your control, Avery, but other things—” Marty shakes his head, “other heartache is completely preventable.” Marty narrows his eyes at Sean, in a hateful glare, waits half a beat, and leaves.
Dread runs down my spine. Why does it feel like I just made a huge mistake?
CHAPTER 4
When the door closes, Sean seems stiff. I wonder if he aches as much as I do. I wonder if it feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest one too many times. I don’t understand him. I don’t know why he keeps running hot and cold. I have emotional whiplash and I’m too tired to deal with it.
When Sean doesn’t say anything, I move to the door and reach out for the handle. “Listen, my ride is leaving and I’m too tired for this. If you don’t—”
Sean makes an exasperated sound and drags his palms over his face. “What, you think I can just come out and say it?”
Looking over my shoulder, I answer, “Yeah. Say something or I’m gone.”
For a moment I’m nervous that Sean won’t tell me, that he’ll let me leave. I don’t want things to end like this, but he has to at least try to talk to me. I can’t take living this way anymore. I’m in love with him and it kills me that I can’t even tell if he likes me. I let out an annoyed sound and yank open the door.
Just as I’m about to walk through, Sean speaks. “I don’t like hospitals. They upset me. A lot. I ran out before they could work on me, but I did see you. I came into your room.”
Turning slowly, I look at him. Sean’s shoulders are slumped, his jaw is covered in day-old scruff, and he isn’t looking at me. My hand rests on the handle. “I don’t remember seeing you. I thought you were dead.” The last sentence is barely a whisper.
Anxiety that I didn’t have time to deal with before rears its head and I feel unstable. I want to yell, scream, and cry. I want to bang my fists into his chest and have him pull me into his arms and tell me that everything will be all right, but I can’t break down like that. I don’t have the luxury.
Sean’s lips part. He breathes for a moment, like it pains him. When his blue gaze meets mine, I know he’s lost in his past. I recognize the look in his eye. I’ve seen it in the mirror too many times to count. He runs his hand through his hair and down his neck. “You were sedated when I found you. I would have taken you with me, but your friend chased me off.” Sean’s eyes dart to the open door.
“Marty?”
He nods. “It’s none of my business what you do with your life, but that guy wants you.” Sean slips his hands into his pockets.
My jaw drops. I make some strangled sounds before sputtering out, “He’s gay! Marty’s gay! You are so far off base that you don’t even know what you’re talking about.” I want to laugh because it seems insane, but I don’t. Sean’s serious.
He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. That look is still there. The way he ran me off spoke volumes.”
“You’re wrong. Marty’s as into me sexually as Mel is. There’s nothing between me and either one of them, so stop making excuses. Why’d you run?”
Sean sighs and looks up at the ceiling. After a second, he says, “Close the door. I’ll have a car take you home when you want to leave.” I don’t like the way he’s talking to me, but I let the door shut and step into the room. I fold my arms over my chest and wait.
Sean doesn’t look at me when he speaks. “Hospitals give me a great deal of anxiety.”
“That’s not an answer.”