As we pull away from the curb, Gabe says, “You have the shiftiest luck, you know that, right?”
My eyes flick up to the mirror. “I’m well aware.”
“What were the odds of Ferro showing up? I mean, I don’t know how you kept that whole situation from blowing up, but you did. I’m telling Black that it’s not you. Whatever occurred between you and Ferro in private, whatever happened, is on him. She should reinstate you in time to fuck Henry’s brains out next weekend. That should fix your financial problem with Black and you’ll be back on the books again.”
I stare out the window as he speaks. My lips are parted and I breathe slowly. This is my life. I’m a call girl. I’ll get to be with someone else and wash the vivid memories of Sean away. I nod slowly. This is what I wanted. Somehow, I survived the night and made a positive impression on Gabe and Henry without making things worse with Sean.
Gabe speaks, pulling me from my thoughts. “You’ve got that stormy look in your eye.”
“Excuse me?” I’ve never heard that expression before and I’m not sure what he means.
“It’s like your mind is a sea during a storm. I see it in your eyes. You need to hide that. It means people can still get at you, take bits and pieces away, and from the looks of it you don’t have much to give.”
I stare at Gabe, wondering if I’m always so transparent. I thought I did a good job hiding everything. Maybe not. Instead of replying, I nod.
Gabe drops me off at Black’s and I go upstairs. I file my report and turn in my gown. I put on my old dress and tie my Chuck’s back on my feet. I toss my purse and heels into a bag and head for the elevator. When the doors open, Gabe is standing there. He holds the door for me. “You did well, kid. No worries. You still got this job.”
“Thanks,” I say, and the doors slip shut.
When I exit the building, it’s late. I grab a can of ether and start my car. It rumbles to life and for the first time in a long time, I wish I had a coat. Shivering, I drive back home, but I take the long way getting there. I drive past the dark beach. The scent of salt water fills my head as the wind blasts my face through the window. Eventually, my skin becomes numb. I wish I could stay like that. I wish I didn’t feel every goddamn thing. For a moment, I’m jealous of Sean, of his ability to shut me out so thoroughly. I wish I could do that.
By the time I get off the parkway and head down Deer Park Avenue, I’m totally frozen. My icy fingers grip my steering wheel as I stop at the light from hell. I rev the engine and keep my other foot on the brake. I glance around. It’s a nice night, but it’s cold.
My RPMs slip and I feel the car convulse. It’s trying to stall. I give it more gas and stop looking around. I try to get the engine to keep running, but it doesn’t. The beast shutters and dies. Of course the light changes right then. Horns start to blare. I flip on my hazards and grab the can of ether. After walking around to the front of the car, I open the hood and spray.
While I do, I hear a motorcycle inching closer and closer. It’s as if the rider slowed down just to talk to me. My heart races faster. It can’t be him. I slam the hood down and see Sean on the shoulder, stuck a few cars back. I know it’s Sean, even though I can’t see his face. Seeing him makes my throat constrict. It’s like someone has a belt and is pulling it tighter and tighter around my neck.
Just breathe and drive away, I tell myself.
After I get back inside, I start the car. It rumbles to life just as I see Sean inching towards me in the shoulder. I don’t want to talk to him. I can’t. Even though the light is changing to yellow, I gas it. I need to get away from him.
The next few seconds are frozen. They don’t pass the way they should. My car has the acceleration of a sloth and I basically start to roll into the intersection. The bike engine revs behind me, growling like a bear. Sean’s going to gun it and try to catch me. I don’t look back. I press the accelerator pedal down to the floor, and my car starts to pick up speed, but then Sean’s bike cuts me off. A red taillight streaks in front of me.
I don’t see the truck until that moment. Its horn blares as it comes into the intersection. My foot slams on the break and I skid. I yank the wheel and try to steer into the skid, but the car doesn’t respond. It’s too late. The car crashes into a telephone pole. The sound of shattering glass and crushing metal fills my head. White smoke billows from under the hood.
On impact, my body is launched forward and I slam my head into the steering wheel. Everything happens in seconds, but it feels slow, as if time doesn’t exist.