When I open my eyes I nearly jump out of my skin. I lift my chin and look up into the mirror expecting to see only my face, but someone else is there—Sean. I never even heard him come in. I grab my heart like it’s going to explode.
I want to scream at him. I’m unraveling. I feel the strands popping one by one. Fury rises to the surface and I can’t hold it back. Too much has happened between us, too many good things and too many bad things. I round on him. Sean is two steps behind me. I practically jump on him and slam my fists into his chest. I hate my reaction, but I can’t stop it.
I speak with a voice that isn’t mine. It hisses from between my teeth with too much venom, too much hatred. “Why can’t you leave me alone? You’re ruining my life, you sick bastard! You think this is funny? You think that you can just have me and play with my mind, like I don’t fucking matter? Well, it’s not going to happen—not again you arrogant prick—so walk away and leave me the hell alone.”
My fingers are stretched wide as rage races through my veins. I shove Sean again, but he barely moves. It feels like my heart’s become a black hole and my entire body is being crushed and sucked into the massive force. My chest aches, it literally aches to have him so close.
Instead of leaving, Sean grabs my wrists so I stop hitting him. Fury makes my body tremble. It’s like the hissy fit he just witnessed was the smoke before the real eruption. Sean’s cool eyes sweep over my face. His grip on my arms loosens. I pull back, but my muscles won’t stop twitching.
Sean’s lips part like he’s going to say something, but the words won’t leave his mouth. He breathes strangely, like I punched him in the gut and he looks at me with those liquid blue eyes. Somehow he makes me feel sorry for defending myself, for telling him off.
Screw this. I am not so fucked up that I’m going to feel sorry for this. I turn to leave and walk quickly for the door. Without looking back, I say over my shoulder, “Do whatever the hell you want. You’re good at that.” My hand is on the cold doorknob when he speaks.
“Avery, I have no intention of telling him anything. I simply meant to—”
I stop. My fingers practically strangle the doorknob. I cut him off, not giving him a chance to fully state anything. “I don’t care.”
“I need to tell you something, but every time I approach you—”
“I still don’t care,” I say back. The words come from within the hollowness. I feel them rattle through me before they spill out of my mouth. “I don’t care about anything you have to say and I don’t care about you. I hate you. I hate what you’ve done to me.” My eyes narrow to slits and I turn around.
Suddenly, I’m in his face saying the things I wish I’d said the night he sent me away. “I hate that you’re so damn callous. I gave you my heart and you fucking returned me. Nothing you can say will ever fix that. I have no interest in what makes you tick, or why you followed me in here. You can go to hell.”
Sean reaches into his lapel and pulls out an envelope. It’s thick, like it has lots of paper inside. “This isn’t mine.”
I stare at him and his envelope of cash. I hope he knows every thought that races through my mind. I hope he knows how much he hurt me and how much I wish I’d never met him. I feel my lips move and words start to pour out. “Oh, it’s yours all right. Don’t you know how returns work? You get your money back. You got me for free—”
“This isn’t about the money, but you’re wrong and need to take it. I—”
“You don’t get to have a say in anything I do. I’m not taking that back. It’s tainted. This is the end of this conversation. Go ahead and do whatever amuses you. I know you will.” I turn away sharply, but Sean manages to grab my wrist.
He pulls me back to him, hard, too hard. I smack into his chest and he holds onto me tightly. Sean steps forward and before I know it, he has me pressed against the wall. It seems like hours have passed since I walked into this room. How is it that no one else has come in? And if they come in now, it looks really bad.
Sean’s lips are too close to mine. A wave of his warm breath drifts across my cheek and I shiver. I’m paralyzed, unable to move. I don’t know what’s doing it—if fear has me so scared that I can’t move or if it’s something else, something I don’t even want to consider.
When Sean speaks, something inside me reacts and I melt. “You think this amuses me? You think that I don’t know what I’ve done to you? You really think that it makes me happy?”