My throat tightens. I react to him. I know it’s him. I sense it. The wind ruffles his dark hair. The man turns his head as if he can feel my gaze. My heart beats harder. I wish it would still. I wish Sean didn’t make me respond this way.
I ignore him. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s some other guy. I can hope. My tongue presses against the back of my teeth as I lock my jaw. I try to relax and ignore the man, but I can’t. I stare at the slow waves and the next time I look down the beach, the man is gone. The tension lining my spine softens and I breathe in deeply.
I blink and decide to fall back in the sand. The urge to lay back and look at the sky overwhelms me. Things like the sky and the sea calm me. They remind me how small I am. Maybe that makes other people feel lost, but it makes me feel like maybe my problems aren’t so large, like maybe I can really survive this life and all the things that have happened to me. If a grain of sand can stand to be pounded by the sea, then I can take the beating I’ve been handed.
Sucking in a deep breath, I smile and fall back onto the sand. When I look up, I expect to see the colors of the sunrise painted across the sky, but I don’t. I see a man’s upside-down face, looking at me. I screech and push up on my elbows, crab-walking away from him a few paces, until my brain registers that he isn’t here to kill me—that I know him.
“What the hell, Ferro?” I grab my heart through my sweatshirt. I can’t breathe. I don’t look up at him. There’s something about his eyes that will make me believe whatever he has to say. I can’t be here, not with him. Not now.
Sean looks down at me. I can feel his gaze on my cheek. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to startle you. I was—”
“Well, what the hell were you doing, standing that close if you didn’t mean to startle me? I mean—fuck—could you be any creepier? Damn, Sean.” I stand up and brush the sand off my shirt and my jeans. I walk away from Sean before he answers. I don’t want to hear it.
Sean’s behind me, following me. “Avery, wait. I wanted to tell you—”
But I don’t stop. I’ll never stop—not for him—not ever again. Sean’s mouth is filled with lies. His voice makes deceit sound like music. If I stop, if I look at him, I’m screwed. I’ll cave in and hear Sean out and I don’t want to. There’s nothing he can say that will fix what he’s done. He flambéed any chance we had for anything. I walk faster, but my feet just sink into the sand. It fills my sneakers, but I don’t stop.
“Avery!” Sean calls behind me. “I need to give this to you. Wait a second.”
I hear him running up behind me. As I step onto the boardwalk and off the sand, Sean catches up with me. He manages to grab my elbow. I whirl around, heart pounding. Everything he does puts me on edge. Sean can’t speak without my pulse roaring in my ears. My brain registers the touch as pain. My arm sears like he’s burned me. I yank it back, hard, and then swing. I throw my shoulder into the punch, not holding back.
Shock flashes across Sean’s beautiful features swiftly. My fist is on a collision course with his face. At the last second, Sean steps to the side. My punch lands on his shoulder. He grabs my wrist and holds it tight. Sean looks down at me like I’ve lost my mind. “What are you doing?”
I try to pull away from him, but he doesn’t release me. Every inch of my body is shaking with rage. It courses through my veins and I feel like I’m going to explode. Still, I don’t look at his eyes. He’s a goddamn snake, a viper. He’ll steal my soul and devour me.
I scream in his face without looking higher than his chin. “What am I doing? What are you doing? This is my place, not yours! You have no fucking right to—”
“To what?” He yanks my wrist and pulls me closer, making my body smack into his. The scent of his cologne hits me hard. Vivid memories of his body intertwined with mine flash through my mind. “To what, Avery?” His voice makes me want to cry. The way he talks to me—it sounds like nothing’s happened—that he still regards me exactly the same way he did before, and it kills me. It kills me because that means that I meant nothing to him, not before and not now.
I twist my hand out of his grip and pull away. I feel reach toward my shoulder and evade his hand so he can’t touch me. “To nothing! Nothing… Just leave me alone.” My voice no longer shakes. My neck feels tight like it might turn to stone. I lock my jaw to keep from speaking. I hasten my pace and walk away from him. I hear Sean’s expensive shoes following me down the boardwalk. I don’t look back. I just walk faster.