“Here,” Mel hands me a box of tissues. I take them without looking up at her. She sits on the bed, across from me. For a while she says nothing. Then, Mel gets up and takes off her heels and puts away her dress. Water runs for a few minutes and then she comes out of the bathroom. After all that, Mel is in her jammies. She pulls her thick hair into a ponytail as she talks. “You can tell me, you know. I won’t judge. God knows, I don’t have the right.”
I look up at her. My vision is fuzzy. My eyes feel swollen and I can barely swallow. I don’t want to talk about it, but I feel like I need to respond. Maybe it’ll make me feel better. Maybe. My lips part slowly and the words tumble out. “I told Sean that I loved him.”
Mel doesn’t react even though I can tell she wants to. Instead, she shifts her legs and presses her lips together, trying not to chew me out. I know she wants to scream at me for being so stupid, but I also know she won’t. Mel can tell how close I am to mentally cracking. Her voice is gentle when she asks, “And then what?”
I straighten in my chair and sniffle. Dabbing the tissue to my nose, I shrug and say, “He sent me back.”
Mel’s head sways as her jaw falls open. “Like, he returned you?”
I smile sadly. “No, it’s worse than that. He exchanged me. I said, ‘I love you’ and he said he wanted a new girl.” That scary look on Mel’s face is getting worse. Clearing my throat, I choke out, “That’s not the worst part.”
“Oh shit. What else happened?”
“Before I went to Sean’s tonight, Black gave me an advance so that I could buy new clothes. She didn’t like that I was wearing the same stuff. She gave me about half of my pay. When things went the way they did, I took the money and threw it in his face. Then, I walked out.” I breathe deeply and pinch the bridge of my nose. It feels like my face exploded.
Mel’s voice is uncharacteristically quiet, “Black advanced you money and you threw it at the client?” I nod. “And Black wants it back, no doubt.” I nod again. “And I assume she fired you?”
“No,” my voice is barely a whisper. It scratches out of my throat with a toad-like quality. “I get to work for free until my debt is paid off.” I glance over at her, not wanting to, not wanting to see the look on her face.
Mel is rendered speechless for a moment, then everything comes out in a rush. “Avery, you have to go and get that money back from Sean. You don’t want things like this. Black’s not someone you want to be in debt to. You have to—”
I put up my hand and cut her off. “There is no way in hell that I will ever go back to Sean and beg to get that money back, so you can just stop there.”
“Now’s not the time for pride, Avery.”
“You’re wrong, Mel. Now is the time for pride, because it’s the only fucking thing I have left. I sold myself to some guy that liked tugging my heartstrings. He made me think that he loved me. He made me think that my whole shitty life…” My voice trails off. I can’t finish saying it. Sean gave me a reason to breathe. He gave me something to look forward to, and he lit the embers of hope inside of me. I thought I’d never feel alive again, and now that I do, I want to die. Emotional whiplash isn’t for people with broken hearts. I feel like I’ve been torn apart.
Pressing my fingers to my forehead, I rub little circles and say, “That scrap of pride is all I’ve got. I’m not going back to him. I’m not talking to him again, ever—for any reason. I’ll work it off.”
Mel nods, but I can see it on her face—she doesn’t approve. She’s thinking, trying to help me figure things out. After a second she asks, “How much do you owe? Maybe I can lend you the money. It’s better owing me than Black.” She knows something that I don’t.
I look at her for a moment and shake my head. “It was enough to buy a couple of cars, Mel. Thanks for offering, but I doubt you have it. Plus, you need to pay your bills. This was my mistake. I have to clean it up.”
“What’s she going to have you do? You know Black’s guys do some nasty stuff, right?”
I shrug. “I don’t care anymore. I really don’t. I okayed the entire sheet, you know.” Mel looks shocked. “I said I’d do anything.”
“How could you say that?” she squeaks with her jaw hanging open.
I pull my knees into my chest and wrap my arms around my legs. I don’t look at her. “How could I not? It doesn’t matter. None of this matters.”
“Are you listening to yourself? You can’t let some dumbass guy ruin your life. He wanted a fuck and you gave him your heart. He doesn’t deserve you, Avery.