“I’m not,” I say, feeling emotionally barren. “The guy on the beach was Sean. I ran out to the cemetery. You’re right about that.” She nods like damn straight I’m right. I glance up at her. “Please sit. Today’s been hard and I really don’t need you towering over me like you’re going to strangle me.”
Mel grumbles and then plops down on her bed. “Go on.”
“Sean was there. I didn’t see him at first.” I feel the story stick in my throat. I don’t want to talk about it, but I need to. I tell her about the paper that fell out of his coat, his wife’s name, about what I thought. “But I was wrong. She died and I don’t know what happened to the baby, he doesn’t talk about it. He’s hollow, like me.” I’m staring into nothing as I speak. My voice echoes in my ears. I feel like I’m not even here anymore.
“Bullshit.” Mel rushes toward me, which shocks the hell out of me. Grabbing me by the shoulders, she pins me back in the chair. She shakes me hard, yelling in my face as she does it. “Wake the fuck up!” Mel releases me. I blink rapidly and look at her like she’s nuts. “You think this is a game? You don’t have the luxury to have that spaced out look on your face. One mistake Avery, just one goddamned mistake will send you into cardboard-box-land and you’ll never come back.
“This was a mistake. You’re falling for him. That’s a bigger mistake. There’s nothing there for you. The guy is fucked up beyond repair. He hired a call girl so he wouldn’t have to deal with whatever shit happened to him. It’s none of your business. He’s not yours. He never will be, so stop thinking about him like that.
“This will ruin you, Avery. Maybe you don’t see it yet, but I sure as hell do. And you’re not like him. I know you think you are, I see it on your pasty face, but you’re not. He has no soul. That guy is dead inside. You aren’t. You’re still fighting back. Don’t give up, girl. As your best friend, as a girl who’s had her share of shit, don’t surrender. You and me, we’re survivors. You’re going to get through this. You’re going to finish college, get your master’s degree, and get the hell out of here. I know you will.”
Mel’s passion is contagious. I feel incredibly stupid for moping around, for attaching myself to someone who doesn’t want me. Swallowing hard, I ask, “How do you know? I mean, Sean seems—”
Mel leans toward me and places her hand on my shoulder. “Listen. I’m going to tell you how I know, and don’t think that I’m mean. I’m just telling you what’s real, okay?” I nod slowly. Fear pulses through my body. I can already tell that I’m not going to like what she has to say. “That boy don’t love you. He’s not even into you. He came to Black and asked for a virgin. That was it, Avery. You were the only one, so he took you. I was there when he called. He wanted a curvy blonde. Black said all we had was you. You’re not his type. You’re a warm pussy to fuck and nothing more. Avery, do your job and get the hell away from him.” She tightens her grip on my shoulder.
I can’t look at her. Inside my head, I know that’s all I am. I’m a hooker, but sometimes it seems like more. My jaw locks as she speaks. When I try to talk, I work it to loosen the tense muscles. “You’re right. I know you’re right…”
“And?”
“And, nothing. I’m nothing to him. All this is new to me. I can’t separate my heart from my body.” I blink slowly, trying to get the burning sensation in my eyes to stop.
Mel sits down across from me, but still within reach. “Admitting that it’s just sex is the first part. Doing it over and over again is what steels your heart. When you do it that way, you don’t know who they are and you won’t care. It’s money, it’s a stress-reliever, it’s fun—but it’s never love. Avery, you got to remember that. They want no strings, no emotional attachment, and that’s what we give them.” Mel pauses for a second and then glances at me, like she shouldn’t be asking. “What do you think about taking another client? It would help you get over this one.”
“I already told Black that I would.” My chest feels like it’s going to cave in. The pressure’s too much.
“Good. Good.” Mel pats my knee. “That’s the first step out of this. When you do it with another guy, you’ll see that what you feel for Sean is just a trick your mind’s playing on you; that it was only fucking. If you told Black that you want another client, she’ll have you agree to the person and sign the contract tonight before going to Sean. Sign them. Don’t wait. It’ll keep things from getting more muddled. You can do this, Avery. It’s a good job.” Her eyes are so vibrant. She’s leaning toward me, trying to hold my gaze.