I don’t know what I want or what I want him to do. My mind is lost in a cavern of lust and I can’t find my way out. Hell, I don’t even know if I want out. My life sucks and this little reprieve is heaven. There’s no reason to think, nothing to worry about. After this tryst, I’ll have what I need as well as plenty of memories to keep me warm on cold nights. So why am I trembling? What am I afraid of? I made peace with this decision. Yeah, keep telling yourself that, a bitter voice says at the back of my mind.
It takes me a moment, but I realize that Sean frightens me in a way that I can’t fathom. Most of the fears in my life are tangible, but this one isn’t. My emotions feel dazed, like they don’t know what’s real and what’s fake. Sean doesn’t really love me. I don’t love him, but still—there’s something there and it calls to me.
The way his eyes drink me in, the way his hands feel on my skin, and the way he teases makes me crazy—I’ve never reacted to a guy like this in my entire life. There was never any heat, not even a spark. That’s what makes things with Sean all the more insane. From day one, I felt something for him. He walked into my life and filled a hole that I didn’t even know was there. It’s too soon for that. A couple of kisses and smiles later, and I sound like I’m ready to marry the guy. What the hell is wrong with me?
Sean watches me closely as I think. Every time I take a breath in, my breasts press harder against his chest. It feels right. I want more. As if he can read my mind, Sean lowers his lashes with his gaze fixated on my lips. When he lowers his mouth to meet mine, the thoughts rush from my mind. Like a surging river they race through, and are gone before I can blink.
Sean’s fingers drift down to my cheek and he tilts my head to the side. My heart pounds harder in my chest. His lips are full and soft. They seek mine, applying the perfect amount of pressure and the kiss deepens. I push my body against his chest and my arms wrap around his neck. I play with the hair at the base of his neck as he kisses me, feeling the silky strands slip between my fingers.
As we kiss, a thought races through my mind, a warning. Something about kissing. It flutters through my mind, unclear. Sean licks the seam of my lips once, and then twice. My heart races harder as he does it. I’m ready to open my mouth and let him kiss me deeper. I want it. I want him. My body is charged, ready for that kiss. Every inch of me is tingling. There’s a wave of desire building inside of me and his kiss will set it free.
His kiss. Kissing…
“I can’t,” I say into his mouth as the memory hits me. Gasping, I pull away and turn my face.
CHAPTER 2
The kiss breaks. I can barely breathe. The rapid pace of my heart won’t slow. My hands tremble at his neck and there’s no way to hide it. I pull away from him and cold air fills the space, chilling me. “I’m sorry.”
Sean says nothing at first. He watches me. I feel his eyes slip over my body. They take in the slight tremor, the way I wrap my arms around my middle, and the way I can’t look him in the eye. Instead of demanding my services, Sean slips back into his chair like he doesn’t mind. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”
I glance at him from over my shoulder. I don’t believe him. My gaze says as much.
Sean smiles at me. “It’s part of the package, Miss Smith. Skittish virgins are appealing.” It’s the look he gave me when my car broke down. Something about the way he gazes at me makes me feel like I’m in emotional overload.
My face flushes and I glance away. What was I thinking? I can’t do this. I can’t be with him, not when he affects me like this. The whole sex thing is a pastime to him, but to me it isn’t. I took this job because I needed the money, but even more so, I took this job because I have feelings for Sean. I like the way he makes me feel. I want to know him better. I want him to be mine.
That’s not what this is.
The trembling becomes more noticeable. Sean stands and walks up behind me, rubbing his hands over my arms. He presses a kiss to my temple and holds me. “Your preferences said kissing on the lips was off limits. I shouldn’t have done it. I apologize.”
“You went straight for the only thing you couldn’t have?” I did mark that on the sheet. Kissing forms attachments. I can’t be attached to him. You already are, a voice says inside my head. Go to hell, I answer, already knowing it’s true. I feel his gaze on the side of my face.
Holding me tightly, Sean says, “It’s my nature. I’m sorry, Avery. It won’t happen again, not unless you ask me to kiss you.”