Sighing, I fiddle with the black bead on my bracelet. “Nah, normally I try to jump out the window, but these are bolted shut.” He gives me a concerned look. “Kidding, Marty. I wouldn’t be wrapped up in this crap with Black if I didn’t want to survive.”
“So, you’re going to keep doing that?” He’s on his side looking at me.
My eyes are downturned as my fingers play with the blankets. “I don’t know… It pays well enough. Hey, I have a rude question for you—how’d you afford all this? I mean, Black isn’t cheap, and requesting a specific girl jacks up the price.”
He gives me a crooked smile. “I have some money—correction, I had some money, and credit cards. I used the rest of my student loans for the semester too. I’m going to write this off as an education expense and take a tax deduction.”
I chuckle a little. “An educational experience?”
“Sure, why not. I think I learned more about human nature tonight than I did the entire time I’ve been in college.”
“And what’s that?”
“Don’t buy friends that are hookers—they don’t like it.”
I smack him with my other pillow, before tucking it back under my head. “Hooking and friendship doesn’t mix.”
“Hooking and pancakes don’t mix either. I’m never going to have the same thoughts about iHOP ever again, thanks to Mel.”
That gets another light laugh, and my tired brain launches words out of my mouth. Before I have a second to think, I blurt it out. Maybe I suck, or maybe I don’t—I don’t know anymore. I just want to do something right and not make things messier, but I have a feeling that I should shut my mouth. Nothing good ever comes after 2am, and it’s nearly an hour and a half later. “I don’t want to lie anymore—not to you—and not to me. The truth is, I think you’re great, but my brain didn’t realize how great because you were under the gay guise—the mask of Gay-o.”
“Was that a Zorro reference?”
“I don’t know what it was, but the truth is I hate how messed up things are between us. I hate that I lost you. I hate that I like you. I hate that you’re not who I thought you were, because there’s some affection between us. I know it’s there…” Marty’s lips get this soft dreamy smile, which makes me feel horrible. Oh God, I shouldn’t have said anything. Plowing through, I finish, “But—”
The grin vanishes. “Ah, the but…”
“But it’s overshadowed by someone else. Marty, I—”
“You don’t need to say more. I get it.” He rolls onto his back and takes a deep breath, like I just kicked him in the ‘nads.
I feel horrible, not better. Confession is good for the soul, my ass. “What would you have me do? Should we fake date? Should you be my rebound guy? Should we wing it and see what happens? Those are crappy choices, because in every single one of them, you’re second. You don’t deserve to be the runner-up, Marty. You deserve better than me.”
“There is no one better than you.”
“Then we’re both screwed, because I suck.” I nudge his elbow with mine, but he doesn’t return the gesture. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want you to get Sean out of your system. Either be with him or forget about him. This in the middle shit is driving me insane. I swear to God, being friends with you is beyond exhausting.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” Sighing, I drape my arm over my eyes and say, “So, what are we? Is friendship off the table?”
He pushes up onto one elbow, lifts my wrist, and looks me in the eye. “What kind of an asshole do you think I am? Oh wait, don’t answer that.” He smiles down at me. “Yeah, we can be friends, maybe even friends that kiss?”
Laughing softly, I shake my head. “No kissing.”
Marty considers it, like he’s bargaining with some old lady at the flea market. “Okay, okay. I’ll settle for friends with benefits.” He winks at me.
“The only benefits you’ll be getting are rides in my awesome car.”
“Is that a euphemism?”
I laugh. “For what?”
“I have no idea. Your car sucks monkeys, like literally. It must have plowed down an entire gaggle of the hairy little suckers at some point. I mean, the smell alone…” I shove his arm and he laughs. Running his hands over his face, he groans, “Oh God, Avery. It’s like we both signed up to be miserable. You don’t like me enough to do anything about it, and Sean ditched you.”