“I know what you mean.” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “If you had a choice, which guy would you want to be?”
“I don’t think it’s that simple. I can’t just forget everything. That guy is a shadow of what I was. You can’t see it, but I can. When I’m with you and we’re laughing like that, it doesn’t bother me. But when night comes…” he shakes his head and doesn’t finish speaking.
I know about night time. I know what happens to my mind when evening spills across the sky like a bottle of ink. The darkness looms over me, crushing me. Sometimes it’s all I can do to get to morning. Every unbidden thought and worry creeps to the front of my mind when my head hits the pillow. I try to shove them back down, but they don’t stay. Dark thoughts start rolling through my mind and hopelessness chokes me until I pass out. Then, the next day comes and the cycle starts over again.
I touch his knee. Sean looks over at me. “I know. Believe me, I know what you’re talking about.”
Sean’s phone beeps. He pulls it out of his pocket and looks at the screen. “It’s getting late. Pete is almost to the city. We better head back.”
I nod, and smile sadly. I lean into his arm and hold on tight. “Try to hold on to the feeling inside your chest. Hold it as long as possible. I know you’re still in there, even if you don’t. I see it, Sean. Don’t give up. Not yet.”
He wraps his arms around me and kisses my temple. “You think that we can pull each other up?”
I don’t know. I want to say yes, but everyone thinks Sean is going down in flames. I shove aside their thoughts. They don’t know him the way I do. They haven’t lived my life. “Yes, because people like us already hit the bottom. Up is the only direction left to go.”
CHAPTER 11
Gabe drops us off at the hotel. Sean and I have enough time to change before heading down to the restaurant. I take my time, putting on my make-up and doing my hair. Odds are that Gabe is going to report back to Black. I need to look perfect tonight so she doesn’t strangle me tomorrow. I swipe on a final coat of mascara and pull out my thigh highs. The lace top on the stockings is so soft and pretty. I fasten them to the garters, then stand and smooth my dress. My hair is loose, hanging over my shoulders in soft waves. I had to put a vat of product in to make it look like that. My make-up turned out better than usual. I have smoky eyes and pale pink lips. They look kissable in this violet dress. It’s silk—per Blacks instructions—with a narrow waist and a scoop neck. The skirt is fitted through the hip and then flares slightly. It showcases my features well. Marty would be proud.
Marty.
My mood darkens. I don’t know what to do with him. Every time I check my phone, there are more messages from him, but I can’t listen to them. What am I supposed to say? He tricked me. I feel like a moron. Sean kept telling me that Marty had a thing for me, but I didn’t listen. I never saw it.
There’s a knock on the bathroom door. “It’s almost time to head down.”
I shove aside my thoughts and walk to the door. When I pull it open, I look up at Sean. My god, he looks amazing. He’s wearing a black suit that’s cut perfectly to accentuate his frame. There’s no tie around his neck though. Instead, the top button is open. His shirt is shade of charcoal, which makes his eyes look like sapphires. My breath catches in my throat.
While I’m looking him over, Sean’s gaze travels up and down my body. A wicked smile stretches across his lips. “You look delicious, completely edible, Miss Smith.”
I look away and feel my face flame red. It surprises me. After everything we’ve done, how am I blushing?
Sean reaches for me. He places his finger under my chin and tilts my face up. “You are amazing. Have I told you that?” I nod, smiling softly. “I think you need to hear it again. You are an amazing woman, Avery Stanz.” He leans in and brushes his lips across my cheek. The touch is so light that my stomach erupts into flutters. “I love you.”
I can’t stop smiling. Everything is perfect. The thought of saying the L-bomb was something that always freaked me out, but it doesn’t anymore. I like saying it to him. “I love you, too.”
Sean pulls me to his chest and we stand there, just holding each other. His breath washes across my cheek and I hear his heart pounding in his chest. This frightens him? But he holds me anyway. I borrow his question and ask him. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that I should tell you what happened.” His words hit me like a Mac truck. I look up at him and step back.