Suddenly, Sean is over me. “Avery, are you all right? Say something.” He frantically brushes my long hair away from my face, trying to see if I’m hurt.
I sit up, laughing. My hair falls to my shoulders and down my back. It’s covered in snow. “I suck at sledding.”
Sean grins like he’s trying not to laugh. He sits next to me in the snow. Sean can’t keep a straight face. “That’s a bit of an understatement. I think your sled hates you.” Giggles rip through me until I can’t hold them inside. Soon I’m laugh-snorting and can barely sit up. I laugh louder and longer, holding onto my stomach so it doesn’t explode.
Sean laughs with me. The sound is so miraculous. It’s rich and pure. He’s happy in these moments. There’s nothing bearing down on him, nothing tearing him to shreds. Sean flops back and lays next to me on the snow.
When the giggles fade away, I’m staring at the sky. It’s gray. Little bits of snow continue to fall, but they’re smaller now. It’s getting colder.
“I worry about you, you know.” Sean is looking at me. I turn my face toward him, not really getting what he’s thinking. “This thing you have with the cold, it’s…” he sighs and his words disappear.
“It’s what?” I bristle a little bit. It’s my one crazy flaw, well that and talking to my parents, but I need it. I’ll defend what I do, how I cope.
Like Sean does. Damn it. I grit my teeth. Coping is coping.
A bunch of other thoughts run thought my mind, but Sean cuts them off when he scoots closer. He pushes up on his elbow and is over me. He pulls off a glove and strokes my frozen cheek while looking into my eyes. “It scares me, because it’s too much like me. I don’t want you to be numb, Avery. It’s a shitty life, never feeling anything. And once you detach yourself that way, you can’t ever come back. You worry me because it seems like you’re still attracted to the idea.”
Sean’s hand feels so good on my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into his touch. The cold penetrated my clothing and the shivering has stopped. This is the point where sane people would go inside and warm up, but not me. I love feeling like this. I like it when the numbness turns to pain. I know what to do with that. I know how to react.
I press my lips together and watch the concern in his eyes. “I am attracted to the idea,” I admit. “At least a little. But it’s not just the numbness—it’s the pain.” My heart is racing. The way he looks at me could boil the snow in a flash.
Sean leans down to within an inch of my lips. He watches me through lowered lashes. His gaze flicks to my lips and then back to my eyes. “There are safer ways to make you feel pain.”
My stomach twists. I want him to kiss me. He’s so close, but he doesn’t move. “Like in bed with you, Mr. Jones?”
“That’s one way, yes. Think about it. It’s safer than this. You’re going to end up with frostbite or hypothermia.” Sean stops speaking, but continues to look at my lips.
“Got something else to say, Jones?”
“No, nothing else to say at all.” He closes the space between us and a rush of electricity shoots through my body. Sean has me so charged, so on edge, that when he touches me I’m ready to fly away. When his lips press into mine, I can feel his warmth and for once it feels better than the cold.
The kiss is gentle, careful. He licks the seam of my lips and I open. His tongue dances with mine as butterflies erupt inside of me. They flutter through my entire body until I flare back to life. My back is freezing and my front is warm because Sean is laying on top of me. One of his knees is between my legs. I push my hips against his as the kiss deepens. We’re getting covered in snowflakes as we lay there, barely moving.
Sean pulls away breathless. “Come on. We can’t drive all the way out here and only go down the hill once.” He stands and brushes the snow off his jeans.
“Twice,” I correct, and get up. I’m sweeping the snow off, not paying attention as I smile. “Well, you went down twice.”
Grinning a wicked smile, Sean looks over at me. “I forgot about that. I owe you a punishment.” The way he says it makes my stomach dip. I stop what I’m doing. I’m caught in his gaze, like it’s a snare. He steps toward me and I swallow hard. Sean’s hands slip around my waist and he slams my body into his hips. “Do you want it now or later?”
What the hell is he talking about? I thought he was kidding. From looking into his eyes, I know he isn’t. I laugh, nervously, “Punish me? You need to take yourself a little less seriously.”