The Arrangement Anthology 1(154)

“Why?” I’m shocked. I didn’t expect Sean to tell me anything. I remember him saying something about a sibling, but Sean never talks about him. “I mean, what’s so bad about seeing him?”

“If I see him, I’ll cave. You might think I’m a calloused ass—”

“Your ass is not calloused.” I wink at him, and clink my coffee mug to his.

Sean smiles again. It’s such a great thing, making that man smile. “I’m glad you noticed.” He winks at me, and then the pensive look returns to his face. “What do you think I should do?”

Holy shit. He’s really asking me for advice? I freeze with my cup to my lips. I lower it and ask, “Is this a trick?”

“What?” he laughs.

“It just seems like a huge coincidence, that’s all. I ask you about personal stuff, you don’t tell me, so you make something up. It fits with your type of cray-cray, so why not?”

Sean presses his lips together really hard. His shoulders start to shake as he tries not to laugh, but he does a horrible job. “My type of crazy?”

“Cray cray,” I correct. “Crazy-ass to the second power. Completely bat shit crazy. Cray cray.”

“Yeah, I’m not saying that—like ever.” Sean starts laughing again.

I roll my eyes and sip my coffee like I’m an adult. “It seemed like a logical question.”

“Logic left this conversation a while ago.” Sean wipes a tear from the corner of his eye. I can see old laugh lines on his face. He must have been happy at one point. The fine lines around the corners of his eyes and mouth are ghostly reminders of the man he used to be. I wonder if he’s still in there. Sometimes I feel so lost, like I’m so far gone that I’ll never be happy again. Then things like this happen, and Sean is laughing more than I would have thought possible.

“Shut up, Cray cray, and tell me about your brother.” I bump his shoulder with mine, and finish up the food on my plate.

“Pete fell off the face of the earth a while back, severed all contact. He was going through some stuff. I got it, so I didn’t try to find him. Sometimes you have to work things out on your own. I get that. Anyway, he wanted to come see me. He’s asking about stuff he shouldn’t be asking about. I don’t want him to do what he’s thinking about doing. It’ll fuck him over.”

“What does he want?”

“The gun.” Sean’s eyes glaze over. He’s lost in a memory.

A gun? The hairs on my arms prickle like a bad omen. I want what’s best for Sean and he’s too isolated. At the same time… it’s his brother. “Won’t he get one from someone else if you don’t help him?”

“Maybe.” Sean looks over at me. “You think I should see him?”

I nod. “Yeah, I do. He needs you. Maybe he doesn’t actually want a gun—maybe he just wants your help.”

Sean considers what I’ve said. When he looks back up at me, he asks, “Come with me. Make sure I don’t give it to him.”

I nod. Part of me wonders why Sean has a gun and why his brother doesn’t just get another one. Why try to get it from Sean? I don’t know much about his family, just that Sean is estranged from them. Talking to his brother is a big deal. I hope I’m encouraging the right thing. I just think that he shouldn’t be alone anymore. Living life that way is too damn hard.

Questions swirl in my mind, about Sean and his family. “Sean?”

“Yeah, baby?” He’s lost in thought. Sean rubs his hands over his face and looks over at me.

“Will you ever be able to tell me what happened?” I don’t say the rest. I can’t seem to get the words out. He didn’t kill them, there’s no way. Our eyes lock and the pain that I stirred up is visible in his eyes. I want to hold him in my arms and take it all away. I have no idea what those blue eyes have seen, what they’ve lived through, but he’s not the monster he thinks he is—he’s just not.

Sean breaks the gaze and looks away. After a moment, he says, “Someday, Avery. Just, not now. This was supposed to be your day. I have one day to win you over and pull you away from Black. I feel like I’m wasting it.”

“You’re not wasting it.” I put my hand on his knee and lean into him. Sean drapes his arm over my back and pulls me in close. “The gun has something to do with her death, doesn’t it?”

Sean nods. It’s barely noticeable. “I haven’t said a word about any of it to anyone. Talking about that is like shoving splinters into my eyes. I can’t stand it. It drags up everything I’m trying so hard to forget. My life ended that night. I didn’t care what they wanted to do to me.” He blinks and stares straight ahead when his eyes reopen. “There was so much blood. People don’t make mistakes like that…”