No. I’m not sure. His skin is so warm, so smooth, but the frantic beating of his heart feels wrong. I look into his face and see it. Everything he’s been trying to hide, how much I scare him, how much he wants to run away from me and never come back. But something holds him here. Sean doesn’t want to leave. His heart feels like it’s going to explode under my hand.
I lower my gaze to his chest and lift my palm, leaving only a finger. “You’re afraid of me.”
Sean’s quiet. He doesn’t counter my words. Instead he stares at my finger. His heart continues to race like he’s running from a rabid bear. I don’t know what to do. My pulse picks up and pounds harder. I swallow hard and lean in to press my lips to his heart. Sean stiffens, like I’m going to stab him. I stop right before my lips touch his skin. I breathe for a moment and decide that I can’t do this to him, not yet. These things will come on their own, given enough time.
But there is no time. We have today, and then I go to Henry. After that Black will hire me out to someone else. I feel so torn. Indecision freezes me in place. That’s when Sean reaches for me. He slips his fingers over the side of my face and to the back of my neck. He makes the decision for me by pulling me forward that last breath. My mouth touches his skin. Sean’s body stiffens like I’m hurting him, but his hand stays on my neck encouraging me to kiss him the way I want.
I want to kiss his chest over his heart, so I do it. My lips brush against his skin, once, twice, and then I press harder. My lips part and flick my tongue against him, as I press my lips to his chest. I stay there for a moment, lingering, wanting more when I pull away. I glance up at Sean. He’s breathing so hard, so ragged.
A question pops up in my mind and I can’t chase it away. I have to ask him, I have to know. “Why are we doing this?” My question surprises him. “It seems like we’re torturing each other.”
“It won’t be that way forever.”
“It won’t?”
He shakes his head. “We’ll acclimate to one another, given enough time. We might even learn to enjoy it. Will there be more time, Avery? You’re still here, next to me. Have you decided to stay?”
I want to throw my arms around him and say yes, but I can’t. It’s not that I don’t love him, I do. It’s Black. It’s walking away from the ability to support myself. I won’t get that chance back. If things don’t work out with Sean, I’ll have nothing. Besides, I can’t take money from him like that. My broken brain is okay with being paid for sex, but getting money just because I’m his girlfriend seems wrong.
I hedge. “That’s two secrets and I haven’t even gotten one yet.”
He grins, “Ask away.”
I want to know what happened to his wife. I want to know why he’s so dark and tormented. I want to know that piece of him so badly, but I can’t ask that question. I can’t take that from him. Sean has to give it. I glance past him and see the sunrise streaking the gray sky. Little bits of glitter float gently by the window and I smile. A different question pops up in my mind. “What’s your favorite thing to do in the snow?”
Sean blinks like he heard me wrong. Laughing, he asks, “What?”
“You heard me, Ferro. Ice skating, skiing, sledding, or what?”
“Sorry, I expected you to ask something else.” He smiles the sweetest crooked smile I’ve ever seen. It makes a dimple appear on his cheek. I resist the urge to lick it and wait for his answer. “Sledding, I suppose.”
“We can do anything I want, right?” He nods. “Then I want to take you sledding. I want to do something that makes you laugh. I want to see this quirky little grin on your lips all day. I want to go down Cardiac Hill with you, and a snowman on a toboggan. What do you say, Jones? Are you up for it?” As I speak, I push up on the bed. By the time I’m done, I’m kneeling and practically jumping up and down. I can see the city after I sit up. The snow stuck. That means Long Island should be a blanket of white. I’m so giddy and excited that I don’t remember I’m naked.
Sean’s gaze devours me as I do my little happy dance on my knees. “Hell, Smitty. I’ll do anything you want, but if you keep bouncing around like that, I’m going to have my way with you first.”
I freeze. My jaw drops open and I laugh. My hands cover my breasts and I turn bright read.
Sean closes his eyes and smiles hard. “You did not just do that. Now, I have to have you.” He pushes up to his knees and moves toward me. Taking me in his arms, Sean presses his hard body against mine. “Make love to me, Avery. Please. Don’t make me wait until tonight.”