I laugh. There’s no way he knows. “Yeah? Then tell me. What do you already know?”
Sean looks up from under dark lashes. His eyes slip over my face and trail down my neck to where my breasts disappear below the water. When his gaze returns to meet mine, he says, “You don’t want to take it from me. You want me to let you in and make love to you softly and slowly. You want the piece of me that no one has access to. You want me to just let you in and give you everything you want.”
I look away. My heart pounds. Sean read my thoughts perfectly, not missing a thing. It’s what I was thinking, nearly word for word. It scares me—he scares me. I want to sink below the surface of the water and ask him to leave.
Sean tugs my ankle, harder this time. My butt slips and I have to grab the sides of the tub before I go under. The movement makes me forgot for a second and I look at him. He says, “You’re wrong about that, you know. That piece is already gone.”
“No, it’s not.” My voice is a whisper. It feels like I’m sinking and the sea is freezing. I’m drowning again.
“It is. I keep trying to tell you that. It’s a wonder that I don’t turn to ash when you touch me. I’m barely breathing, barely alive. I don’t deserve you, but here you are offering everything. I’d give it to you, Avery, but—”
I don’t want to hear it anymore. Sean doesn’t seem to know. If his heart was gone, completely destroyed the way he thinks, then this wouldn’t bother him at all. It would be boring or an inconvenience, but that’s not it. Intimacy scares him.
I shift in the tub and crawl toward him. Sean stops talking. I place a hand on his shoulder and wrap my legs around his waist before lowering myself onto his lap. Sean’s shoulders are so hard, so tense. His hands find my waist. His touch is gentle.
When I look up into his eyes, I say, “Breathe.”
Sean nods and takes a long slow breath. His chest swells under my fingers. I won’t push him too far, too fast. I know that sitting face to face like this is hard for him. I’m guessing it reminds him of his wife. Maybe it’s something they used to do and I’m conjuring ghosts. I don’t know. I just know that he’s still in there somewhere, and the way Sean’s eyes flicker to life when we’re like this is impossible to miss.
I trail my fingers along his shoulders before taking the soap. I rub it between my palms and press my hand to his shoulders gently. I rub in slow circles, leaving a trail of suds as I move down his body with my hands. When I finish, I give him the soap and he does the same to me, carefully washing me with gentle touches. My eyes close for a second when Sean rubs his hands over my breasts, under, and around the sides. The touch is good, soft, but firm. I feel him harden beneath me as he does it.
My eyes flick open. Sean is watching me, lips parted, breathing a little too hard. I lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. Sean’s hands slip out of the water and up my back, feeling the curves of my body. I lean forward, moving my hips as I kiss him. When I settle on his lap again, he’s hard.
Sean shifts me in his lap so we line up perfectly, and then pushes inside of me. It feels completely different than before, when he had me tied up. That felt frantic, but this makes me feel high, like a happy buzz, but so much more. Sean’s hands move down my back and grip my butt. He rocks me gently making the water slosh in the tub. His eyes are locked on mine. It feels so good and my body wants the release so bad, but I don’t give in to the sensations. Instead, I unwrap myself from him.
Sean seems surprised. “Avery?”
I stand and offer my hand. Sean takes it and stands. Water rolls off his beautiful body in sheets, cascading back into the tub. I take him in my arms and pull him against me. Sean wraps his arms around me and holds on tight. We stand there like that. I’m afraid to let go, but Sean makes it so I don’t have to. He sweeps me up into his arms. “I wish I could save you. It’s not that I don’t want to…”
“I know what you mean.”
Our eyes lock and the world stops. For a moment it seems like everything is fine, that it’ll all work out. Maybe I am naïve, because even thinking something like that is insane.
I tell Sean where to take us. He walks out of the bathroom and to the bed. I’m still damp, so when he sets me down the sheets stick to my skin. I pat the spot next to me. Sean lies down. We’re nose to nose. I thread my fingers in his hair and play with the curls at the nape of his neck.
We’re quiet for a while, then Sean speaks. His voice is so soft, barely there. “You amaze me, Avery Stanz.”
I smile, sleepily. “Likewise, Sean Ferro. It seems that we’re opposites, doesn’t it? I mean, you like things one hundred percent backwards from the way I like them—when it comes to sex anyway.”