I watch his hips buck into mine on the TV as he fucks me. I thought he was someone else, but there isn’t anyone. There’s a recorder by my head. I didn’t see it before. Sean must have moved placed it there after he blindfolded me. My stomach twists. I watch the video and squirm. The fear is palpable. I never thought I’d do anything like this. Watching it after the fact just seems wrong, but I can’t look away.
I blurt out, “I wish I could see your face.” I wonder what his eyes look like as he does that to me. I wonder how much of him is there when he’s like that. His body is beautiful, covered in a sheen of sweat. His muscles tense and release as he pushes into me. I watch him thrust over and over again. His head hangs back as he looks up at the ceiling when he comes. The tension rolls out of his back and he relaxes before pulling out of me.
God that turned me on. I’m already sore, but my body doesn’t seem to care. Sean watches me through the entire video. After it’s over, I glance at him. I don’t know what to say. He’s messed up, but so I am because I’m so aroused. I want him so much.
Sean inches his hand further up my leg. I part them for him and lean back against his chest. I close my eyes when he touches me down there. Sean rubs gently, making lust swirl deep inside me. I want to turn around and straddle him. A smile creeps across my face when I realize something—it’s my turn.
CHAPTER 3
I’m still trembling, still on edge from what he did to me. I glance over at Sean in his jeans and bare feet. He changed at some point and ditched the suit from earlier. I don’t see it on the floor. My gaze flicks up to his chest and those perfectly lickable abs. I can do anything I want. That was our trade. I hold out my hand to him and he takes it. I pull Sean up from the couch and he follows me across the room.
Sean stops walking. It makes my arm jerk and I stop and look at him. He’s tense, like I’m going to hurt him. “Can you tell me what we’re going to do? At least clue me in a little bit?”
I smile softly at him and shake my head. Dark hair falls over my shoulders. I’m naked and standing on rose petals in front of the bathroom door. A sliver of light shines through the dark room. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know, it’s just…” Sean runs his fingers through his hair and then down his neck. He stretches, showing off that ripped body. “I’m not good at these things.”
“Are you backing out of your end of the arrangement, Mr. Jones?”
Sean grins at me every time I call him that. It conjures memories of the first night I met him. “No, of course not, but—”
“Then, don’t worry about it. Trust me a little, okay.” I’m cautious with him. For some reason, Sean seems brittle, like he’ll crack in my hands if I’m not careful. I don’t want to break him. I don’t want him in more pain than he already is, but I think this will help.
I start talking about things—my papers, Mel, grad school—as we wait for the tub to fill. I have my hands on his skin, keeping the contact between us. Sean looks leery, but doesn’t shy away. When I turn off the water, I turn back to him. I reach for his waist and slip the button through the hole on his jeans. They loosen. I tug him toward me and look into his eyes. “It’s all or nothing, Ferro.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Stanz.” He leans in and presses his lips to my temple. The kiss is so gentle, so uncertain. It makes me melt. There’s a softer side that Sean keeps hidden. The one time I saw it was the first time we were together. Maybe it was an accident, but tonight I’m not asking for accidents. I’m asking for all of him.
Looking down, I lower the zipper on his pants slowly. I slip the clothing off his long, lean legs and toss them across the room. Taking his hands, we both step into the tub. Sean sits down and looks up at me. I hesitate before sitting down across from him, which was not my original plan.
Sean notices. “What’s the matter?”
I smile softly. “Nothing, just tired I guess.”
“You said you wouldn’t lie to me, Smitty.” Sean takes my ankle and pulls my foot to his lap. He rubs little circles on the bottom of my heel.
“I don’t want to say it. It seems greedy and I have enough.”
“Say it.”
“This hardly seems fair. I don’t know every nook and cranny of your mind, but you think I should just let you into mine.” I’m defensive. I don’t want to share everything, not if he isn’t.
Sean grins. “I already know what’s bothering you, I just want to hear you say it.”