The Arrangement Anthology 1(141)

Sean is an island and for some reason he wants me. Time stops and neither of us moves. Sean’s breath is warm. It passes over my lips in a gentle breeze. If I lean in and kiss him I’ll start something I can’t back out of. My heart races faster and faster. There’s not enough air, there’s never enough around this man. If I step over this line, there’s no going back. Nerves shoot through my body and I suck in a shaky breath.

Sean watches me through thick lashes. He presses his forehead to mine. His hand strokes my cheek gently and I lean into his touch. “We don’t have to do anything, Avery. We don’t—”

I don’t let him finish talking. Part of me wants to combust. I want to know, without a doubt, that I’m still alive. I don’t want to be numb all the time. I want to feel and touch and be felt. My lips press into his. Sean stops talking and holds my face between his hands. He tilts my head and sweeps his tongue over the seam of my lips. I want to feel everything. I want to feel lust, passion, and fear. I want whatever is on the other side of this.

I hear Mel’s voice in the back of my head, It’ll change you. I hope to God it does. I can’t live like this anymore. Most days I feel completely miserable, like I’ll never get on with my life.

Sean is kissing me gently as thoughts swirl in my head. They keep coming back to one thing. I can’t get through tonight without knowing what tomorrow night holds. Breaking the kiss, I pull away breathless. “I want things your way first.”

Sean has that lusty look in his eye. He drinks me in. It makes my stomach twist. “No.”

I smile at him and tug on his tie. “Yes.” I lean forward and press my lips lightly to his. The touch is so light, so brief that it sends shivers through me.

Sean takes a jagged breath. His eyes are on my lips, wanting more. When he flicks his eyes up, our gazes lock, he says, “No Avery. I want to make sure—“

“So do I. Take me the way you wanted, the way you tried to before.”

He’s breathing hard, watching me. “I’m not the same man I was before.” I don’t understand. I shake my head ever so slightly. “I told you there was nothing left to save, that I was screwed up beyond comprehension. I was. There was nothing left worth saving, but then you came along in your crappy car. You fight for every breath you take and you don’t back down. I admire that. I admire you, but it’s so much more. I was so far gone that I didn’t see it, I didn’t know I could feel that way again.”

My heart starts thumping harder. A shiver climbs up my back and coats my entire body. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? “Sean—”

He presses his finger to my lips and silences me. Swallowing hard, he looks up at me. “I regret not saying things in the past. I regret masking my feelings for you. I regret lying to myself, and too many other things to name.

“Avery, I’m so far gone. There’s nothing left to love. When you said you loved me, I don’t know, it was like I was being attacked. I reacted wrong, but I couldn’t stop. No one has loved me, not since Amanda, and not like this.” His gaze bores into mine. It’s so intense that it makes me squirm. Sean’s eyes drift to my lips and back to my eyes. I feel like the world has stopped spinning and I’m floating away. This can’t be real.

Sean presses his lips together and smiles at me. “I love you. I love the way you think, the way you blurt out whatever’s in your head. I love the way you fly a kite. I love being with you on the beach. I love the way you chased down your car, ready beat the crap out of the guy who stole it. I love that you talk to your parents even though they’re gone. I love your fascination with the cold. I love the snowmen. I love that you’ll do anything and everything to survive. You’re everything wonderful in my life and I don’t deserve any of it. I love you, Avery.”

Holy shit. Did he say really that? My throat is so tight. It feels like there’s an elephant sitting on my windpipe. I can’t even choke out a response. I just stand there with my mouth hanging open and my eyebrows creeping up into my hairline.

Sean tangles his fingers in my hair, and looks at me from under his lashes. He leans in close so we’re almost lip to lip. He breathes, “You scare the hell out of me.”

My voice comes out breathy. “Likewise, Mr. Jones.”

He grins. “I don’t know what I want anymore, Miss Smith. My life hasn’t turned out the way I planned. The only thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that I want you.”

Butterflies flutter through my chest. This can’t be happening. It can’t be. I blink a few times and wonder if I’m dreaming, but my nightmares are never like this. Looking into Sean’s face, I need to know. Something happened to his wife and baby. What Gabe said couldn’t be true, but I have to know.