“Mel, back off. I said I agree with you. I can’t lose my job.”
Mel finally deflates. She nods slowly and grabs my wrist. She drags me down the hallway and into her room. After slamming the door, she rounds on me. “Black has you on the schedule for next weekend. I saw it when I went in today to get my contract for the week.”
It feels like all the air was sucked out of the room. I didn’t expect her to put me back so fast, even though I asked. I haven’t even spoken to Black since before the accident. Although I sent Gabe back with a wad of cash and demanded to be reinstated, I didn’t expect her to actually do it.
“Who’d she put me with?”
“I don’t know.” Mel sits down hard on her bed and looks up at me. She pushes her huge hair out of her face and sighs. “What are you planning on doing?”
“With what?” I sit down in her chair and pull my boots off. Mel notices them but doesn’t say anything.
“With Black. I know it was supposed to be a stopgap job until graduation, but then you need to do your graduate work. I know I have to keep that job until I’m done and making it on my own. I’m guessing that you need to do the same thing, so you need to stay on Black’s good side. You had a bumpy start, Avery. I’m shocked she hasn’t fired your ass.”
I haven’t really thought past graduation, about what I’ll do. I keep getting stuck in now. I glance up at Mel. “So what do I do?”
“Kiss her ass. Take whatever clients she gives you and make them rave about you.”
I smile awkwardly. “I don’t have the skills to—”
“Then learn! Take the initiative. Rent some porn. Go to that sex shop everyone’s always talking about. Look around. Watch a pole dance. Do something that makes you so desirable that the clients beg for you and only you.”
“What do you do?”
She laughs under her breath. “Stuff that you can’t pull off, white girl. I’m me, in all my mocha sexual hotness. I own it. I own him. I have him eating out of my hand before I leave. I make sure to put it in his head that there’s more. It’s all bullshit, but when they’re like that, none of the guys are really thinking with their head. They let their pants make all the decisions. String them along. Fake it ‘til you make it and all that shit.” Mel lies back on her bed and stuffs a pillow under her head. She sighs like she’s exhausted.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. I know the reason why she’s overtired and strung out. It’s me.
Mel waves her hand in the air. “Nah, no sorry’s. There are no do-overs for girls like us. We’re one shot wonders. I know that. I’ve been through shit you can’t even imagine and I have no intention of giving up. I know what’s at the very bottom when you fall flat on your face. I just don’t want you going through that, not when you don’t have to. And I know this guy makes you happy sometimes, but he’s driving me nuts. He’s risking stuff you don’t have to risk. You get what I’m saying to you?”
I nod. “I get it.” My voice is totally flat.
All the happy vibes from earlier are gone. I feel guilt tugging at me every time my eyes glance at my boots or my hand touches my leather pants. She’s right. Mel’s so right and I’ve gotten so careless. I push off the chair and tell her, “Thanks. I’m glad you’re on my side. I need to go study for a test in the morning. I’ll catch you at lunch tomorrow.”
I walk away wondering what horrors Mel’s been through that I don’t know about. Whenever she’s warning me, I see the memories replay on her face. There’s fear in her eyes and nothing can take it away. I don’t want to get like that, and the best way to prevent it is to do what Mel said—suck up to Black, kiss Sean good-bye, and start taking new clients.
I just don’t want to…
CHAPTER 8
The rest of the week passes slowly. I go to classes and try to focus, but it takes an ungodly amount of coffee. I don’t see Sean. I try not to think about him. I do my work and keep my nose in my books until I get a call from Miss Black. She has a client for me. I have to go in and chat with her before she forks over his name. Black sounds more irritated with me than normal. I tell her that I’ll be in tonight and hang up before I say something stupid.
I’ve been sitting in the diner across the street from the college, working on the outline for my semester project in Psych. I have a textbook open with colored highlighters on the table, and Post-It Notes stuck all over the book. They stick out of the sides like rainbow colored bunny ears. I’m not paying attention to who’s around me. When the waitress comes by, I order more coffee and a slice of apple pie.