Hating every second she was nervous knowing he was the cause he removed his clothing. He left his boxer briefs on just in case. Clara no longer trusted him, and it was up to him to start to mend their fences. She’d tried and got her head bitten off for her attempt.
“I like your swimsuit,” he said, drawing her attention toward him.
“It was with all the clothes you bought.” She sank beneath the water hiding her body. Climbing inside he moved toward her, keeping each step steady.
“It looks good on you. I prefer you naked.”
She turned and started to swim away from him. Cursing, Nick watched her go. They needed to cut through this stalemate somehow.
“Will you give me a fucking chance?” he asked, shouting when he didn’t intend to. She stood up, turning to look at him.
The hurt in her eyes cut him deep.
“I told you the truth about how and why I became outlawed. Since then I’ve been a fucking idiot, and I regret my actions.” He splashed the water feeling helpless. At least she stopped swimming to listen to him. “Please, talk to me.”
“I tried to talk to you after you told me everything. You wouldn’t listen to me.”
“I know. I fucked up, okay. I was hurt, and I don’t talk about my past with everyone. It still hurts to think about what happened. I don’t care about not being an alpha, but knowing I failed my pack, still fucking hurts.”
Nick decided to be honest with her rather than lie. She would understand or at least try to.
“I’m sorry you were outlawed. You sounded like a good alpha. You shouldn’t have been cast out for what you did.”
“I tried to be good to my pack. I’d do anything for them, even die for them if they asked.” He opened his arms wide, looking around the pool. “When I bought you, I did it because I wanted to fuck a female wolf. I’ve been with hundreds of women, and none of them can take what I can give. I love hard sex, rough sex.” He ran fingers through his hair as he put himself on the line. “I know I’m asking for a lot, but all I want is your forgiveness, Clara. I fucked up, but I don’t just want sex from you. I want it all even though I don’t deserve shit from you.”
“Why don’t you deserve anything from me?” she asked.
“I killed someone.” He no longer cared he was a murderer. Over the years since it happened he had revisited that night over and over again and realized he wouldn’t change a damn thing.
Any man who forced themselves and then killed a woman deserved to die in his book. His pack was his life, and protecting every member ran within his veins.
“You did it because he hurt one of your family. A pack is supposed to be your family. I don’t think badly of you, Nick. I admire your strength and your courage.”
She stepped closer. He forced himself to stay still, giving her more than enough room to pad the water toward him.
“Not only did you exact your own justice, you gave her mate some peace of mind. He killed himself, but before they gave you such an awful sentence, he wouldn’t have. You’re not responsible for his death. The collective of alphas are.”
Nick took her hand as she got close enough to touch. “You’re too damn nice for your own good.”
Clara smiled. “No, I’m not. I just know what it’s like to not belong. My whole family hated me, Nick. Your pack loved you. Would you ever go back to them if given the chance?”
“No, I wouldn’t.” He couldn’t bring himself to join back to a pack who’d been ruled by a different alpha for so long. That kind of takeover could cause more problems than he cared to think about.
Cupping the back of her neck, he drew her close.
“Why not?” she asked, whispering the words against his cheek.
“Taking over any pack can be tricky. Men, women, even the children know you’re there because you overthrew their old alpha. I can’t do that. I can’t go back and see my pack hate me.” Nick closed his eyes, more interested in inhaling her sweet scent. Fuck, the last week had been torture. Now that he had her in his arms, he never wanted to let go again. She meant everything to him.
“It was your pack to start off with. How can you not see them welcoming you with open arms?” She cupped his face, tilting him back to look at him.
Nick, given the choice, would have claimed her mouth to silence her. He knew she deserved the truth.
“They put up a fight over the verdict, but they could do nothing. The alpha who took over is a good one. I made sure for the first couple of years that he was good for them all. I would never have forgiven myself if something happened to them.” Nick hated it when he agreed with the new alpha’s methods. When he realized he was never going to become an alpha again he had focused all of his attention into making money. Once he settled on money he made sure to employ other outlawed males who didn’t agree with the collective alphas’ decisions. His business thrived, and he’d found a best friend in Dean.