It dawned on me, the way that most were acting, thanking me and congratulating me while still tight lipped, obviously uncomfortable, that each of them were to some degree reading my emotions and were probably unsure of what they should say. This realization brought tears to my eyes. I loved this group and they loved me enough to hide their own true emotions out of concern for mine. That made sense, and a large weight lifted. Many of them probably knew exactly what I was going through, what a first kill as a paranormal creature meant to their human side.
I didn’t know how I would ever come to reconcile the differences between my wolf and my human. Not that my wolf was mean, but animal instinct had taken over as well as revenge in my human mind, a need there to right a wrong which had only inspired and encouraged my wolf to follow through with what needed to be done. That was what I had to hold onto, what thought I knew would eventually get my through this. Again, this was Daniel’s fault. He’d left the group no choice but to kill him to stop him.
Damn him, I thought, continuing to curse the man even after his death for the ways he’d damaged my life, changed who I was forever. You horrible monster. You couldn’t just ask for help! You couldn’t stop! You couldn’t not hate! You brought on all of this violence! This blood is on your hands! Even your OWN!
I’d screamed so loudly in my head that my ears buzzed after, the vein at my temple constricting, bringing on pain, messing with my vision. This was true insanity. I knew that and that fact only. I actually feared losing my mind. Looking around me, I truly expected to see a man waiting for me with an outstretched straight jacket.
When Nira came back into the room with a few bottles of wine, and the vampires behind her with plastic wine glasses to pass out, a celebration of sorts did break out. Low key of course, as no one knew what Daniel’s pack would do next. Anything could happen, but tonight, our battle had ended. The fact their leader was gone, and the other true werewolves had walked away brought reason to rejoice. We all needed the triumph to hold onto until we knew what was next.
While the emotions grew in the room to happy, to feeling safe for the moment, I felt them but didn’t truly catch them myself. All I could think about, the thoughts that truly lingered about in my brain, was that more of Daniel’s wolves were out there. Nira had said there were at least twenty wolves with Daniel now but only twelve had been with him tonight. I feared when the pack got back together that they may want revenge for Daniel’s death once they could talk among themselves, let the surely heated emotions of their loss take over.
All I wanted was for the battle to be over and to get on with my life, to deal with what I’d done and to somehow find that happily ever after still, even if it remained an elusive thought. Still, a girl could dream, sometimes had to in order to get through the present. But tonight, right now, my focus had to remain on needing to act my part, to celebrate, and then fall into a deep sleep even if it was in my room on a mattress on the floor with several other people in there as well. At least Lex would be one of them. He hadn’t left my side since Daniel. His concern comforted me, gave me the strength I needed to carry on, or to begin to at least. Without him, I wouldn’t have still been sitting up straight resembling a human being with a brain; I’d have crumpled into a pile of blubbering goo. Thank the gods for Lex, even I didn’t want to bear witness to that.
I glanced around the room at all the people chatting and having a good time together. As the dry wine burned my throat, insulted my taste buds, the fact that they were all vampires and werewolves showed that the movies lie. In that fact alone I found some sweetness. Books and TV liked to show that these two groups were mortal enemies of each other and of humans, but that could not be farther from the truth. Any group with an open mind can work together as shown tonight. These vampires helped everyone regardless except those who hurt others. I hoped seeing us would be a message to true werewolves, that they all could work together once we found a way to approach them with the Royal’s proposition to try to help them alleviate their curse.
As if to prove my point, that all could find common ground regardless of who they were, I saw Josh and Nira getting along pretty well in the corner. I watched as my vampire friend laughed while brushing a patch of hair behind her ear, granting him a smile with her tilted face, a gentle flirt I didn’t even believe the woman aware of. I could see how Josh would find it enticing though. Talk about operating on instinct, both of them. I grinned, swallowed down my chuckle when a few minutes later Nira’s hand brushed down Josh’s thick biceps revealed by his tight black t-shirt. They’d lingered there a little too long, danced over his bare skin before fondling the hem of his shirt sleeve.