I wanted the night to be over in the worst way. To end it, I had to get back to the place we were staying, to be removed from these woods where I had taken another man’s life. Knowing I couldn’t manage what I had done on my own, I needed to let the others soothe me, to tell me that I’d done the right thing in killing that monster of a man.
I tried to picture the future in my head, to escape the present moment. The whole scene played out in sketchy clips, like my brain was getting a bad signal. I managed to get a glimpse of myself back in the house, surrounded by those I cared for, those who understood me. It took a concentrated effort, but I heard them tell me that my actions were warranted, necessary even.
They had been, of course they had. He’d have killed many more than he already had if he hadn’t been stopped. Still, I wasn’t yet believing my own brain when it came up with rationales for taking a life. Instead it answered back with other scenarios, after the fact claiming I could have taken him prisoner, though I didn’t know how, or where, or anything else about how I could have pulled off such a feat. Even back in human form, the metallic scent of his blood, the whiskey that had been on his last breath, came back to me, flooded my nose as if I stood over him still.
Maybe other people’s assurances could quiet my guilt and settle my stomach since I couldn’t. Those butterflies that had been in my stomach anxious and irritated before we’d gone after Daniel now seemed to war in there, fluttering and bouncing around in my core, sending vibrations that hinted of pain all throughout my body. My limbs ached something fierce already, and that didn’t help to soothe me at all. If anything, it did just the opposite, irritating an already distraught mind-body connection.
Turning off my brain by concentrating on listening, the sound of crickets chirping and air rustling leaves helped to lull me a tad. At least I didn’t hear the sounds of the chase, or the harrowing cries of war. As my breathing regulated to something close to normal, I took in the scent of Lex. Allowing that to finally slow my heartbeat, the frantic organ no longer thudded in my chest making me feel like I’d have a heart attack to top off the panic attack I’d been warding off with the grinding of my teeth and unstable internal dialogue.
What came through first were Josh’s emotions, the rush of being chased along with the thrill of darting around a tree, jumping a large stone, and hitting a new path in a game of cat and mouse. A boy thing I assumed much more than even a wolf thing. Some members of Daniel’s wolf pack obviously continued to chase them rather than getting lost in the woods. That had been the mission, to lure them away from their leader, leave Daniel unprotected, and then ditch his pack out in the middle of the woods. Apparently, they’d underestimated the skills of these other werewolves.
Adjusting my body, nestling more into Lex’s solid one for connection rather than warmth, as stress alone continued to heat me, I cleared my mind of everything but Josh. Bringing him to mind, the intricacies of his mix of grey and brown fur that capped his face, his image became crystal clear right down to the white, downy fur surrounding his black snout. Even in his wolf form, his eyes held a boyish charm that I’d only seen disappear when in attack mode during my training.
I attempted to connect with him anyway I could. It had never been so hard before between us, but then again, I’d never felt like this either. The rush of each feeling, the tornado-like swirl of them inside me was indescribable, like nothing I’d ever known before. If he was reading me, he probably wouldn’t know what to think either. I could only hope that brought him around. The sooner they all gathered, the sooner I could get home, well, back to the safe house, but out of these pine-scented woods of death. This place that had once held good, although now bittersweet memories of me and my mother, happy and alive, now emanated only destruction and the end of life, along with a strange mix of contrition and triumph.
Finally, after what seemed like forever to me but had only been a handful of minutes in reality, Josh started to come through better. Had he been in his human form I would have sworn I heard him laugh, felt the light pulse of it anyway. In his mind nothing but adrenaline-born emotions coursed, pressing him forward, causing him to play, and tease Daniel’s wolves as Josh continued to use himself as bait, enjoying the mission a little too much apparently.
Damn, young adrenaline junkies, I hissed inside my head. I loved Josh, cherished our bond, but right now, anything standing in my way, thwarting my desperate need to get out of here irritated the hell out of me. I needed an escape from my thoughts, and it was never going to come in this part of nature’s paradise, sadly.