I scanned the crowd. Many tables were stuffed with men drinking beers with buddies. I hadn’t seen my attacker last week, so I wouldn’t know him if I fell over him. Regardless, I looked for shifty faces in the crowd, a sudden need to make up an excuse to go home. I really hoped to be back to myself here, soon. How many days could one spend angry at their own thoughts, their own memories? For that matter, how long could I go on playing with those memories, trying to convince myself I’d witnessed something different from what I had?
I may not be a go get them, seize the day kind of girl, but I had confidence in myself. I’d never been scared of my own shadow. I’d never doubted my mind. Trauma wasn’t new to my life, but this kind was.
You need to give yourself time, I soothed myself as I continued to search all the male faces in the crowd. Not even a psychologist would expect you to just bounce back from such an event.
I was starting to think maybe I should give mine a call. I hadn’t seen her in over a year, had been tired of hashing out the same crap in dealing with the loss of my father, becoming an orphan, if you will, at the age of only twenty-two. The thought of getting into that I’ll-need-to–see-you-back–in-a-week crap made my stomach roll more. I’d do this myself.
“You noticed how many guys are in this place tonight?” I mused out loud. Catching myself, I recovered with, “Good odds for us. SO, what kind of band is playing here tonight? And, when do they start?”
“Of course I noticed!” Chloe answered with a giggle muffled only by her disgust at my asking such a question. You’d think that I’d insulted her womanhood or something. “It’s an alternative band some guy at work was telling us about. They should be starting here shortly, I believe. No watch, so I don’t know what time it is, but we planned to get here early, but not so early we’d be drunk before they started.”
I shook my head at her. She’d driven with Sarah. Sarah having lost the designated driver coin toss of the night, Chloe could get as comfortably wasted as she wanted. We girls watched out for each other, though. We knew each other’s limits, and even when not designated drivers, we didn’t let each other get sloppy or stupid drunk. Wouldn’t want to make a scene.
“Matt, from work, couldn’t stop talking about them. I think they play here at least once a month if not more,” Sarah added.
“Oh. Cool. I like alternative,” I added, still more focused on the crowd, given the stage remained empty save instruments and such.
I didn’t know music or instruments well, but I liked the sleek lines of the grayish guitar on the stage. Again, not that I had much experience other than watching musicians play in clubs, but I’d never seen one like it before. By force, obsession with this topic lost my interest fast, and I went back to scanning the crowd for a stranger I hadn’t even gotten a good look at him. I’d know his cries of pain, though, anywhere. Before you know it, I’d end up one of those chicks who distrusted the whole of the male species. I needed to get an ultra-fast grip.
I’d put out of my mind the real possibility of him having died that night. I had scoured the papers more than usual, reading of every death last week that had made the cut. Nowhere had there been mention of a death at the club I’d been at. Even if the beast who had saved me had taken the body elsewhere, I hadn’t read a story that mentioned a mawled or mutilated body either.
Searching the crowd again, this time I looked for any shifty looking man with gouges on his face, maybe a missing eye or something. I forced my shoulders down from around my ears and regulated my breathing. I knew I was being ridiculous, absurd even. First time out in this kind of public place since last Friday, though, so I’d cut myself some slack. At least until the band played. Then, I’d call it quits.
“Find any cute ones out there, yet?” Chloe asked. “I mean, you seem pretty intent on checking out every guy here tonight. Someone in the mood to get laid?”
I turned to her, taking in a quick breath. The word laid took my mind to being laid out on the pavement. Heart pumping in my ears, I shook my head.
“You okay?” She asked. “You don’t seem like yourself tonight. You’re all jumpy, even a little pale. You getting sick or did you forget to apply some make-up? No, seriously, are you worried about something?”