“I can bear the weight of it. Why not? Pile it on. I don’t even know what to blame myself for with Lex. At least with you I know. Unlike him, you have no problem telling me like it is,” I stated with my eyes squinted into an exaggerated glare.
“Then I should tell you that it is time to go home. As hard as it is, you are just going to have to wait until next week to try to get answers from the guy.”
“Great, another week of playing the events over and over in my mind while listening for footsteps in the hall and wondering with each one if it could be him having had a change of heart. That of course lead me to that daydream. The one where he knocks on my door. I throw it open, and with the look of regret on his face, I throw myself into his arms. He kisses me in between his apologies before scooping me up and carrying off to bed!”
“Wow, you have it bad. I almost wish I’d had a guy who could make me so desperate after just one night with him. I can’t imagine what the sex was like, and you’re not giving me any good, juicy details.”
I gave her a crooked grimace before replying, “That’s just it. I felt like I knew him. I can’t explain it because I know I didn’t. Maybe it was some spell of his music. But, I got this glimpse of him that made me want to bare my soul to the man, and so I did. He didn’t just see my body naked, I let him inside—“
“Hey, ladies,” John, the owner of the bar, said, having come up beside our table. “Glad to see you here again. Sorry no Lex, pretty lady. And, I apologize for the band. Being the kind hearted sap I am, I agreed to let a friend of my wife’s grandkid’s band have a test tonight. They suck. I know!”
“Well,” I stammered. “They’re no Pragmatics.”
“That is being beyond kind,” Chloe interjected.
“Yeah, I know,” John sighed. “Took me so long to build this place back up. I’ll be lucky to pull anyone back in that was here tonight unless they’ve been here in the past. Hope they don’t tell their friends.”
“Maybe you should put that on a card and pass it out as they leave,” Chloe offered with a snarky tone and a smile so you couldn’t tell if she were serious or not.
I was more than aware that she was more than serious, and more than sick of this place.
“Well, you know I will be back next week, and so will anyone else who was here before tonight, I’m sure,” I comforted.
“Thanks. See ya then. You ladies enjoy the rest of your night,” he offered with a wave, and was off.
I couldn’t go on. Exhausted, I finally took the last gulp of my drink and nodded at Chloe.
“Take me home,” I sighed. “He’s not going to show tonight. I can’t take another minute in public,” I confessed.
What I really couldn’t take was holding back my tears any longer. Disappointment had finally taken me out. My entire body felt weighted, like I’d climbed a mountain today. I took a deep breath and led the way to the door. Chloe followed not far behind. Thankfully, she’d insisted on picking me up and driving each night so I could not only consume a good amount of liquid courage, but also so I could derail my roller coaster of emotions.
Tonight, so far, I’d had two beers and two shots of whiskey, along with two bowlfuls of pretzels. The motion of crunching them hard between my teeth had calmed me a touch, at times. So I’d tried the process over and over again. Regardless, by the time I stood up, my legs felt only a tad shaky. Still, I concentrated to walk a straight line without a single wobble. Didn’t want the owner to tell Lex I’d been in here night after night getting wasted while waiting for him.
As we walked out into the parking lot, I found myself scanning our surroundings all over again, but for another reason entirely. I still hadn’t told Chloe about the attack two weeks ago. Maybe I just needed to stay home more. Even with someone beside me, I still felt uncomfortable being out at night. Each of my sore-for-no-good-reason muscles tightened. My mouth went dry as I squinted into the shadows. I even found myself craning my neck to look around cars.
“Give up. You’re not going to see him tonight,” Chloe lectured.
A few steps ahead, I’d figured she wouldn’t have seen me. She’d been so focused on getting out of here, I’d thought she’d have eyes only for her car. She stepped forward, though, put her arm on my back, and guided me forward. I couldn’t help but think of last weekend, and Lex’s hand on my back. She walked me to her car, some small red hybrid thing. Chloe had a good job in advertising, being unbelievable at knowing what people wanted. I considered it a gift of hers, one I often benefitted from. I had to wonder sometimes what exactly it was that she got from me, from this friendship. She was too all-together to need anything from anyone, always had been.