Chapter Ten
To say I lost it then would be a grave understatement. I found myself much worse off than the first time, just moments before. My voice shook with my rage, going from gravelly to squeaky in seconds, and then back again. I continually gripped my fists at my sides, arms straight down, and then for emphasis, I guessed, I would raise and shake them at those around me. I couldn’t get to how rude I was being. All I could do was breath in and out my pain and panic, which erupted like a volcano, trying to burn all in its path.
“Please. You have to help me. I have to go to Lex. I understand that you have a plan, and that the Royals will get him, but I can’t just be carted off to wait. I need to be a part of that plan. I’m not giving myself over to them, and just sitting back and doing nothing. I can’t just let them save him. I need to help. Please. I beg of you. You have to understand that. I need to be part of it. I need to be there. I need to see him as soon as I can. I can’t wait. I can’t take it.”
My voice slipped in volume, words coming between sobs, as that initial anger succumbed to my fears and irrational emotional outbursts. “Please. Please. Our love. You have to understand how special it is, what our bond is like. I can barely breath, function without him. The pull to be beside him, it is stronger than anything I’ve ever experienced. And, we have this psychic sort of connection. I can feel him suffering, and it is killing me. I can’t silence it anymore.
“And, my magic, I don’t know how much longer I can silence it either. It is boiling inside of me, rushing through my limbs, needing to strike out. I can be an asset to the plan, especially paired with the Royals. I can help. I’m stronger than I look, and more mentally stable than I appear at this moment. I need to be with him as much as he needs to be with me. Please hear me. Understand. I just need to be with him, to save the man I love. You have to understand that. Please. I’m begging. And, I’m sorry to do so in such a way… Just… Please. ”
I didn’t mean to sound so angry at these wonderful people, nor to break down into tears afterward. From the looks on their faces, going from shock to sympathy, I believed they understood, by the time my rant had ceased, that it was only my frustration at being away from the man I loved. The flow of words coupled with the crying jag left me to struggle to breathe as I looked over the faces of those silent around me.
My upper body slumped forward, stretching to the point of aching the tightness that had moved on from my neck to my shoulders. Like my outburst had cleansed me, my expression grew as vacant I was sure, as my body and heart felt lifeless. All energy drained from me, as I panted, the toneless sound my voice had taken on by the last of my pleading echoing in my ears, joined with the buzzing there. Suddenly bone tired, I avoided looking at any of them, instead focusing on my bare feet, a bit pale themselves versus my usual color.
Nira spoke up first. “Christina, we do understand. We each have known love. Maybe we don’t know exactly the connection between a wolf protector and his mate, but we do know, having been human once, and even now, we still have our emotions intact; they didn’t die with us the first time, so we understand that love, when supernatural, is rather otherworldly, for lack of a better term. Everything is heightened. And you are new to it all... the powers, the emotions, this sort of violence and danger.”
“I’m sorry,” I semi-said, semi-sobbed.
Pursing my lips together to say no more, I shook my head in disgust at myself, in frustration at the situation. Through hesitant glances, I watched many of them nod or give me sad grimaces of understanding. Who’d have thought I’d have lucked out, coming in contact with vampires? They definitely had retained their humanity, another fiction-born myth gone to waste. Death had made them super-humans, not just strong with healing powers, but compassionate and kind beyond most humans I knew.
I thought of Chloe. How right she’d been to worry about me leaving. Not because Lex was some murderer, but because he had enough after him thanks to me. Of course, the true wolves would have found us anywhere. At least my friend was removed from all of this. As much as I wanted her with me, needed to hear her voice, sink into one of her hugs, my world had indeed changed, and I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to fully bring her into it. At this point, home and a human friend seemed worlds away, unrealistic if you will.