The Alpha Dating Game
THE BLIND DATE
Oh why oh why do I do these things to myself? Jessica groaned as she glanced at her own reflection in the mirror.
Let’s face it, she was plus-sized. Her double chin was obvious under its cute cleft and she filled out last year’s little black dress (okay, plus-sized little black dress) very copiously. So copiously that her humungous breasts were practically straining at the seams and threatening to burst forth like overripe watermelons.
Lyla always seemed to envy her breasts.
“But they are so huge,” she would gush. Lyla was whippet thin and had a boyish, flat chest to match. For best friends, they made quite a pair. Jessica used to joke about how everyone would announce, “Oh look, there’s Number Ten coming”, with her being the big, round ZERO component of the duo.
“Every time I put on weight,” Jessica said gloomily, “it seems to go right to my tits and ass.”
“I would pay to lipo-transfer your fat to my tits and ass,” Lyla exclaimed.
“There’s no such thing.”
“Honey, they perfected heart transplants. Fat transplants will be the nip and tuck rage before you know it.”
Somehow, Jessica doubted that. You always craved the things you couldn’t have and Lyla was no exception. Lyla suffered from a thyroid hormone disorder which was not under the best control, and so she could eat as much as she wanted to and never gain an ounce. She also didn’t get much sleep and was hyper-excitable most of the time.
Still, they were best friends since middle school and they stayed best friends in college. It was great that they got into the same college, even though freshman year was turning out to be brutal for Jessica.
But now, Jessica was going on a blind date with the cousin of Lyla’s new boyfriend.
“Did you tell him about me?” Jessica said anxiously. The skirt was short and her thighs were thick slabs. Why did the mirror always put ten pounds on her frame?
“Of course I did. I told Stuart to tell Jeff about how smart you are, how engaging you are, how generous you are – ”
“But those are all personality traits,” Jessica interrupted. “Did you . . . you know, tell him about . . . me?”
“All those things are you!”
“You know what I mean.”
“Honestly, Jess, you are making a big deal out of nothing.”
“It’s not nothing! It’s a hundred-and-eighty pounds of me!” And all of it was glaringly obvious too. Maybe she should slip out of the little black dress. It was making her look dreadfully fat.
“Honestly, Jess, men are not that shallow. You have to give them more credit than you usually do.”
Yeah, but Jessica had been the brunt of a fat joke too many, and most of the time, she didn’t tell Lyla about the taunts and whispers she heard. Because Lyla always got so heated about it that she would be willing to put up a fight for Jess, and that was always super-embarrassing . . .
Imagine this exchange:
“She’s not fat! You take that back or I’ll stomp you into a pancake!”
“If you call her fat, you’ll have me to answer to and I have a black belt in karate!”
Things haven’t changed much since middle grade.
Still, maybe this Jeff was different. There was always hope. But Jessica was always nervous around men and she always felt the need to apologize for the way she looked.
“I’m sorry I’m not what you’re expecting . . . ”
“I’m sorry I’m not someone else . . . ”
Still, the reflection in the mirror showed an overweight girl who was bordering on the mildly obese spectrum of the BMI, who was pretty in a very plump, soft curvy way. Jessica’s hair was a lush brunette and she always held it up with a barrette, even though Lyla considered barrettes a thing of the last millennium.
“You look great!” Lyla chirped happily, standing next to her best friend in the mirror. She put one arm around Jessica’s ample waist and squeezed it.
“Thanks.”
“You ready?”
No.
“Yes,” Jessica said in a small voice.
“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
*
The date was to be held at Bergovia, a nice restaurant which served fusion food. It was a little way from their campus. Jessica and Lyla arrived early at their pre-booked table.
“Where’s Stuart?” Lyla clicked exasperatedly. Her hyperthyroidism also afforded her an impatient disposition. “I’ll call him.”
“Relax. We’ll wait for fifteen minutes and if he doesn’t show, then you can call him,” Jessica chided her gently. “Remember? We talked about this. You get me through my body image issues and I give you the heads up over your hormonal ones.”
Oh why oh why do I do these things to myself? Jessica groaned as she glanced at her own reflection in the mirror.
Let’s face it, she was plus-sized. Her double chin was obvious under its cute cleft and she filled out last year’s little black dress (okay, plus-sized little black dress) very copiously. So copiously that her humungous breasts were practically straining at the seams and threatening to burst forth like overripe watermelons.
Lyla always seemed to envy her breasts.
“But they are so huge,” she would gush. Lyla was whippet thin and had a boyish, flat chest to match. For best friends, they made quite a pair. Jessica used to joke about how everyone would announce, “Oh look, there’s Number Ten coming”, with her being the big, round ZERO component of the duo.
“Every time I put on weight,” Jessica said gloomily, “it seems to go right to my tits and ass.”
“I would pay to lipo-transfer your fat to my tits and ass,” Lyla exclaimed.
“There’s no such thing.”
“Honey, they perfected heart transplants. Fat transplants will be the nip and tuck rage before you know it.”
Somehow, Jessica doubted that. You always craved the things you couldn’t have and Lyla was no exception. Lyla suffered from a thyroid hormone disorder which was not under the best control, and so she could eat as much as she wanted to and never gain an ounce. She also didn’t get much sleep and was hyper-excitable most of the time.
Still, they were best friends since middle school and they stayed best friends in college. It was great that they got into the same college, even though freshman year was turning out to be brutal for Jessica.
But now, Jessica was going on a blind date with the cousin of Lyla’s new boyfriend.
“Did you tell him about me?” Jessica said anxiously. The skirt was short and her thighs were thick slabs. Why did the mirror always put ten pounds on her frame?
“Of course I did. I told Stuart to tell Jeff about how smart you are, how engaging you are, how generous you are – ”
“But those are all personality traits,” Jessica interrupted. “Did you . . . you know, tell him about . . . me?”
“All those things are you!”
“You know what I mean.”
“Honestly, Jess, you are making a big deal out of nothing.”
“It’s not nothing! It’s a hundred-and-eighty pounds of me!” And all of it was glaringly obvious too. Maybe she should slip out of the little black dress. It was making her look dreadfully fat.
“Honestly, Jess, men are not that shallow. You have to give them more credit than you usually do.”
Yeah, but Jessica had been the brunt of a fat joke too many, and most of the time, she didn’t tell Lyla about the taunts and whispers she heard. Because Lyla always got so heated about it that she would be willing to put up a fight for Jess, and that was always super-embarrassing . . .
Imagine this exchange:
“She’s not fat! You take that back or I’ll stomp you into a pancake!”
“If you call her fat, you’ll have me to answer to and I have a black belt in karate!”
Things haven’t changed much since middle grade.
Still, maybe this Jeff was different. There was always hope. But Jessica was always nervous around men and she always felt the need to apologize for the way she looked.
“I’m sorry I’m not what you’re expecting . . . ”
“I’m sorry I’m not someone else . . . ”
Still, the reflection in the mirror showed an overweight girl who was bordering on the mildly obese spectrum of the BMI, who was pretty in a very plump, soft curvy way. Jessica’s hair was a lush brunette and she always held it up with a barrette, even though Lyla considered barrettes a thing of the last millennium.
“You look great!” Lyla chirped happily, standing next to her best friend in the mirror. She put one arm around Jessica’s ample waist and squeezed it.
“Thanks.”
“You ready?”
No.
“Yes,” Jessica said in a small voice.
“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
*
The date was to be held at Bergovia, a nice restaurant which served fusion food. It was a little way from their campus. Jessica and Lyla arrived early at their pre-booked table.
“Where’s Stuart?” Lyla clicked exasperatedly. Her hyperthyroidism also afforded her an impatient disposition. “I’ll call him.”
“Relax. We’ll wait for fifteen minutes and if he doesn’t show, then you can call him,” Jessica chided her gently. “Remember? We talked about this. You get me through my body image issues and I give you the heads up over your hormonal ones.”