The Air He Breathes(41)

“I can’t.”

I hit his chest. “Why not?!” I cried, my vision becoming blurry. “Why not?! I let you touch me when you wanted her. I let you screw me when you needed it. I let you…” My words faded off, becoming sobs. “I let you… Why not…”

He grabbed my fists, stopping me from pounding all my anger against his chest. “Because, you’re broken. You’re extremely broken tonight.”

“Just make love to me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because, I can’t.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Yes, it is,” he said.

“No, it’s not. Stop being a coward. Just tell me why not. Why the hell not?!”

“Because I’m not him!” he shouted, my body shaking in his grip. “I’m not Steven, Elizabeth. I’m not what you want.”

“You can be, though. You can be him.”

“No,” he said, sternly. “I can’t.”

I shoved him. “I hate you!” I shouted, my throat burning as tears fell against my lips. “I hate you!” But I wasn’t talking to Tristan. “I hate you for leaving me! I hate you for leaving me. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.” I lost myself in Tristan’s arms.

I fell apart in a way I’d never experienced in my life.

I shook, I screamed, and a part of me died.

But Tristan held me, making sure not all of my soul disappeared that night.





Chapter Eighteen


Elizabeth



I waited two weeks before I could face Tristan again. I was embarrassed, ashamed of the way I’d broken down in his room, but when he called me over to talk about the possibility of me doing the interior design for his home, I felt as if I had to suck up my fears.

“Are you okay? You seem off,” Tristan said as he walked Emma and me through his house. I was still so extremely uncomfortable with what I’d done, the way I’d fallen apart in front of him.

“No, I’m fine,” I said. “Just taking everything in.” I gave him a fake smile he saw straight through.

“Okay, well, you can do pretty much anything you want with the place. There’s the living room, dining room, bathroom, my bedroom, and the kitchen mainly. And I would love for the study to not look like a complete mess.”

I walked into the study, where boxes were stacked on top of boxes. His desk was covered with items, and as he walked Emma and Zeus out of the room, I stayed paused, staring at a receipt partially hidden under some paperwork. I picked it up and read it.

Five thousand white feathers.

Overnight shipping.

I opened one of the boxes on his desk and my heart skipped as I saw more bags of feathers. He hadn’t found the white feathers at Mr. Henson’s shop. He’d ordered them. He’d ordered thousands of them, just so Emma’s heart wouldn’t be broken.

Tristan…

“You coming, Elizabeth?” I heard him shout. I closed the box and hurried out of the room.

“Yup, I’m here.” I cleared my throat and gave him a smile. “What about your shed? I asked, catching up to Tristan. “I can fix that up for you too.”

“No, the shed is off limits. That’s…” He paused and frowned. “It’s just off limits.”

I narrowed my eyes in understanding. “Okay…well, I think I’ve got everything I need for now. I’ll draw up some different ideas and make some boards with fabrics and colors for us to go over together later on. I better get going.”

“You’re in a hurry.”

“Yeah, well, you know.” I glanced over at Emma, who was playing with Zeus, living in her own world. “Emma has a sleepover tonight that I have to get her ready for.”

Tristan stepped closer to me and spoke softly, “Are you angry with me? For the night you came over?”

“No.” I sighed. “I’m angrier with myself. You did nothing wrong.”

“Are you sure?”

“Truly, Tristan. You held me when I needed you the most.” I smiled. “But maybe it’s best we don’t use each other to remember anymore… Obviously I can’t handle it.”

He frowned and looked at the ground, almost as if he were disappointed, but within a second he held his head up and gave me a small grin. “I want to show you and Emma something.”

He led us to the back of the house and held the back door open. I listened to the nightly crickets chatting amongst themselves. It was a comforting sound…peaceful even.

“Where are we going?” I wondered out loud.

He nodded toward the darkened woods as he picked up a flashlight from the back hallway. I didn’t ask any more questions. I grabbed Emma’s hand and walked beside Tristan. We walked into the night and he led us deeper into the woods.