Thanks to my parents, I know that she moved in with Roan after Royal was finally killed. I couldn’t be happier for her. She was always the first person I asked about whenever they came to visit me. I’ve missed her more than anything.
Her reaction to seeing me is the only thing I’ve thought about the entire drive over here. My whereabouts for the past year have been tightly sealed. It hasn’t been easy for my mom and dad. They stuck true to their word by not telling anyone until I was ready to tell people myself. They’ve also told me Alina calls them regularly just to check up on me. I can only hope her reaction to seeing me after all this time is the welcoming reply I’m hoping for.
Sitting in my parking spot, my palms are sweaty and the words I’ve wanted to say to her choke me half to death as they claw their way up my throat, only to plummet right back down to the acid building in my stomach. Will she even want to see me? Will she be disappointed in me for up and running? What will she say when she finds out about Diesel?
Anxiety smashes into me, my every thought filled with how any of these people I left behind will react when they find out about my sweet, little baby boy. Especially his father. But I cannot think about Aidan right now. One person and one step at a time.
Surely none of them can deny Diesel isn’t Aidan’s. He looks just like him. Dark hair. Blue eyes. And he’s big for only being three months old.
“You can do this, Deidre. You have to,” I say to myself. I tug the keys out of the ignition after shutting it off. My shaky hands reach for the door handle. With one last deep breath, I open the door and step out, closing it behind me. I smile when I retrieve my sleeping son out of his car seat, sling his diaper bag over my shoulder, and kick the door shut.
“You’re a chunky, little thing,” I’m speaking to his sleeping form, inhaling his sweet baby scent. Call me crazy, but the minute my mom told me I was pregnant, I’ve been completely consumed by his heath as well as my own and the ability to nurture him. For the two of us to adapt to one another. To be the best mom I can be. Love him, soothe him, and be there for him like my parents have always been there for me.
Even though he doesn’t understand a word I say to him, I’ve told him every day how he needs both his parents. Aidan and I aren’t together and we never will be, but that doesn’t mean our child shouldn’t know the both of us. Both Diesel and Aidan deserve to know each other.
Aidan is going to shit a brick, for lack of a better term, but the truth is this little boy is his.
I can hear him now. His mouth denying it. Yes, we used a condom, every time we had sex. Doesn’t mean one didn’t break. Especially with a man the size of him. Oh, and lets not forget those piercings. God, my pussy clenches remembering the way his dick felt the first time he entered me. My mouth nearly hit the floor when I saw those bars. God, I’ve never felt anything like it. The way they scraped against my walls, not in a painful way, but giving me the most pleasurable orgasmic feeling I have ever had.
“You’re losing it, Deidre.” Yes. I chat with myself a lot. Par for the course when you’re lost in your own head for a year. The only things consuming you are your inner demons. Your ability to go from one day to the next. I conquered it for my little man and myself. I’m stronger than I was before I was taken, proud of it too. Most importantly, I’m happy.
“Here we go, bud.” I step into the building, the bright lights stirring my little man in my arms. It’s early evening, the dark clouds in the sky indicating a storm is brewing. I pray to god there won’t be a storm inside this building when Alina sees me.
I stroll across the tiled floor, the heels of my wedge sandals digging into the bottom of my feet. “Mommy needs to wear better shoes when I carry you, Mr. Chunky Man.” I drop my gaze to one of the only men I need in my life, and he’s zonked out again. Figures. All he does is eat, poop, and sleep. I suppose most babies do. I cannot wait until I hear him speak. I tell him every day his first word better be momma or his butt’s in big trouble.
I kiss him once again. Having him near me seems to shove some of my nervousness aside. It’s funny how my big bundle of joy can calm me without saying a word.
I head straight for the security guard sitting behind his stand next to the elevator. I’ve been here a few times before well over a year ago. This man is new. Distinguished looking. I swear I see some sort of appreciation flicker across his face when I approach. Then he glances to the big bundle I’m holding in my arms, and the flicker disappears. I internally roll my eyes at the cute but now a total douche man. I’m a smart enough woman to know most men want nothing to do with a woman who has a child. I say fuck them all, beginning with this asshole. I don’t need him or any man.