Charlie, the cat, was nice enough to leave the room when I got there. Bounding from the bed, he headed off to another bedroom and within minutes, I was in bed. After a brief reflection of the day, I was entering the twilight zone. Just before losing touch with reality, the door to my bedroom popped open and a monster leaped on top of me! I had heard of Florida’s scorpions, but this was no small scorpion. Without time to think, I grabbed the sheet that was draped over my body and with one bloodcurdling shriek, flung the monster against the far wall. I heard his body hit the wall and then silence. Pete and Patsy came running down the hallway, turned on the light, and we all looked at Charlie lying still.
Pete and Patsy have never forgotten me, and I have never forgotten them. Charlie did revive in a few minutes, but he did not come back to my room. In fact, Pete and Patsy told me later that Charlie never went back to that bedroom again.
After my abuse of Charlie, I wasn’t sure whether Pete and Patsy would still want to take me to the airport the next day or if they would have any further interest in me. However, my fears vanished when, after the seminar, Pete said, “Dr. Chapman, I have been to many seminars, but I have never heard anyone describe Patsy and me as clearly as you. That love language idea is true. I can’t wait to tell you our story!”
A few minutes after saying good-byes to those attending the seminar, we were in the car for our forty-five-minute drive to the airport. And Pete and Patsy began to tell me their story. In the early years of their marriage, they had tremendous difficulties. But some twenty-two years earlier, all of their friends agreed that they were the “perfect couple.” Pete and Patsy certainly believed that their marriage was “made in heaven.”
They had grown up in the same community, attended the same church, and graduated from the same high school. Their parents had similar lifestyles and values. Pete and Patsy enjoyed many of the same things. They both liked tennis and boating, and they often talked about how many interests they held in common. They seemed to possess all the commonalities that are supposed to assure fewer conflicts in marriage.
They began dating in their senior year in high school. They attended separate colleges but managed to see each other at least once a month and sometimes more often. By the end of their freshman year, they were convinced that they were “meant for each other.” They both agreed, however, to finish college before marriage. For the next three years, they enjoyed an idyllic dating relationship. One weekend, he would visit her campus; the following weekend, she would visit his campus; the third weekend, they would go home to visit the folks but spend most of the weekend with each other. The fourth weekend of each month, they agreed not to see each other, thus giving each of them freedom to develop individual interests. Except for special events such as birthdays, they consistently followed that schedule. Three weeks after he received his degree in business and she a degree in sociology, they were married. Two months later, they moved to Florida where Pete had been offered a good job. They were two thousand miles from their nearest relative. They could enjoy a “honeymoon” forever.
The first three months were exciting—moving, finding a new apartment, enjoying life together. The only conflict they could remember was over washing dishes. Pete thought he had a more efficient way to complete that chore. Patsy, however, was not open to his idea. Eventually, they had agreed that whoever washed the dishes could do it his/her way, and that conflict was resolved. They were about six months into the marriage when Patsy began to feel that Pete was withdrawing from her. He was working longer hours, and when he was at home, he spent considerable time with the computer. When she finally expressed her feelings that he was avoiding her, Pete told her that he was not avoiding her but simply trying to stay on top of his job. He said that she didn’t understand the pressure he was under and how important it was that he do well in his first year on the job. Patsy wasn’t pleased, but she decided to give him space.
Patsy began to develop friendships with other wives who lived in the apartment complex. Often when she knew Pete was going to work late she would go shopping with one of her friends instead of going straight home after work. Sometimes she was not at home when Pete arrived. That annoyed him greatly, and he accused her of being thoughtless and irresponsible. Patsy retorted, “This is the pot calling the kettle black. Who is irresponsible? You don’t even call me and let me know when you will be home. How can I be here for you when I don’t even know when you will be here? And when you are here, you spend all your time with that dumb computer. You don’t need a wife; all you need is a computer!”